Fried Day Follies

We're letting the cartoon do the talking today because we're honked off on too many fronts to concentrate on just one of them. Plus, we're a bit burned out from finally completing our tax calculations for the wretched year of 2020 and (we pause to choke back bitter tears) writing a check to Uncle Joe.

It would be indiscreet to say how much that check was for, but after having done some quick research online, we can confidently say our income tax this year could have paid for two fully-loaded 2021 Toyota Camrys. And who knows, maybe Biden will do just that with the money - after all, he could use two cars to house about 97 more foil-wrapped children whose parents abandoned them at our southern border. 

FROM THE VAULT

Cheap Shot

Remember when characterizing entire groups of people with broad, unflattering stereotypes was considered unacceptable? Apparently the Biden administration doesn't, as evidenced by a recent Jen Psaki press briefing in which she said that the White House was trying to push their vaccine message to white conservatives by advertising on "The Deadliest Catch" (essentially a fishing show) and making outreach via Nascar and country music. 

While not specifically referenced, we assume taxpayer-funded pro-vaccination ads are also being put on confederate flags and packages of chewing tobacco, while bumper stickers ("White Trash Matters - Get The Shot") are being handed out in trailer parks.

To be clear, Stilton's Place is in favor of the vaccinations (albeit not enthusiastically). So we'd like to give Jen Psaki a little advice: rather than assume that white conservatives are all inbred hillbillies who are just too dumb or obstinate to get vaccinated, why not work on your actual messaging?

Because it's just possible that some people are resistant to the vaccine push because it's coming from people whose torrent of lies puts Niagara Falls to shame. And for that matter, it's coming from people who clearly hate white conservatives and have consistently acted against their interests. 

Or maybe it's because the Biden administration hasn't really made it clear what we can do when vaccinated that we can't do while unvaccinated? Can we gather in groups? Can we take off our masks? Can we put rusting wrecked cars on cement blocks in our front lawns and throw beer bottles into the crabgrass and then shoot at them like before the pandemic?

There could be some additional foot-dragging on getting The Shot owing to reputable stories about Covid-19 variants "breaking through" the Pfizer vaccine (although current efficacy is still high), and little "oopsies" like the discovery that the AstraZeneca vaccine can sometimes cause a potentially fatal blood clotting disorder. But, you know, only rarely. 

But really, Jen, all of these considerations can be boiled down to just one salient point: the Biden administration has no credibility among white conservatives. None. So quit throwing our hard-earned money at TV commercials which run during professional wrestling and "Beverly Hillbillies" re-runs. Instead, try giving us yokels some straight truth or, better still, just shut up.

Deep In The Heart of Taxes

This cartoon is a carryover credit from our 2015 risibility returns

While Tax Day has technically been moved to May 17 this year, the government still requires the self-employed to make a quarterly tax payment on April 15. So there's no way to know if you're making an accurate payment unless you've done your freaking taxes. So once again we're dancing with Turbotax and the always impenetrable language of the IRS. Seriously, it would be easier to interpret the language of dolphins than whatever the hell the IRS forms are talking about.

And we're feeling especially resentful about paying our allegedly unfair "fair share" this year while watching how the Democrats are spending like there's no tomorrow. And perhaps ensuring that very outcome.

When did "trillions" become such an easy-peasy word to toss around in spending bills? Joe Biden's proposals already total over four trillion in new spending, which is more than the total amount the government collected from taxpayers in 2019. So where is this "money" coming from? You'll find out soon enough as you watch the purchasing power of your savings or retirement accounts dwindle while prices rise on (we pause to check our extensive research)...oh, yes! Everything!

Then there's nonsense like New York's $2 billion plan to give away $15,600 in Covid relief to individual "undocumented workers who can meet strict eligibility requirements." Which makes us wonder: how can the "undocumented" meet any eligibility requirements? Are they excluded if they do have an I.D.? And is there any way to stop the Biden administration for making this the new standard for Democrat voting?

Still, there are even dumber ways to waste tax money.  Although Kamala Harris has yet to evince any interest in the non-crisis border crisis she's supposedly in charge of, she has suggested that she believes the best way to reduce the tsunami of illegals invading our nation is to make their countries of origin more desirable to stay in. Which is why the Harris-Biden administration is considering plans to just send Central American citizens the damn money directly and save them the long walk to our border.  Whether or not they'll still receive a complementary Biden t-shirt remains unclear.

Neither are we keen about writing another big check to the government (and we're lucky/unlucky that it IS a big check) in order to fund a CDC which believes that racism is a public health threat (hint to the CDC: if you can't culture it in a petri dish, then STFU). Nor are we happy about pouring money into the FBI, Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center - all of whom have declared "white supremacists" to be the greatest active terror threat owing to, and we're paraphrasing their report here, "all white people being bad." But if that were true, then we'd be making a tasteless joke (which we aren't) about NASA announcing that the best way to use our tax dollars is to put a "person of color" on the moon.

But despite all of the above, we're actually glad to pay our income tax. Because it still beats getting raped in a prison shower. 

Slightly.