Show Me The Monarch!

Saturday’s "National Moron Day" event proved to be a huge, stupid success as Leftists semi-spontaneously flooded the streets of cities major and minor to declare that there should be “No Kings” in America. Or maybe they were simply celebrating the fact that there are no Kings in America - their professionally printed signs were a bit vague on that score.

Still, the nation’s streets were royaling (see what I did there) with mostly white folks with good incomes or generous government benefits who apparently didn’t get the memo that our country hasn’t had a King since the American Revolution. Although in fairness, schools are so busy teaching kids how to put condoms on bananas (and the surprising places that banana can go) that there simply isn’t enough time to cover every little historical detail.

The protesters came out in throngs, except in San Francisco (where they came out in thongs owing to a possible communications error), to make clear that they will be against Kings...if any should magically appear.

Meanwhile, little Leftist children staged their own adorable marches carrying “No Boogeyman” signs, just in case one might finally be found under a bed some day.

And For No Particular Reason...

Chump Change

If it's true (and who the heck knows in this new world of AI everything), the US Mint is seriously considering issuing a one dollar commemorative coin with Donald Trump on both sides and, in celebration of our nation's 250 years of attempted unity, the phrase "Fight, Fight, Fight" - presumably with each other.

This is not a good idea.

Oh, sure - it will make the Left apoplectic and that's always worth something. Putting a sombrero on Hakeem Jeffries and playing the "Mexican Hat Dance" in the White House briefing room? Hilarious. Replacing Joe Biden's photograph in the "Presidential Walk of Fame" with a photo of the infamous autopen signing Joe's name? Chef's kiss! But I just can't get behind the shiny new Donald Dollar.

A coin commemorating America's 250th birthday should really be about the country, our history, and our aspirations. Not a highly divisive politician surviving a campaign event assassination attempt that still looks suspiciously like it involved our Intelligence agencies. That deserves investigation rather than commemoration.

Of course, the $1 coin would have practical value making it worth the significant expense of minting and distributing. Who among us doesn't feel a bit more confident and cocky with a Susan B. Anthony dollar coin in our pocket? To say nothing of the fiscal delight that comes from paying for a Forever stamp with a golden-hued Sacagawea dollar coin. Remember when skeptics said those coins would never catch on? And now each of us probably uses several of them a day!

Just kidding - everybody hated them (they were frequently mistaken for quarters) and they were pulled out of circulation and likely stored in an underground facility where they'd only be brought out again in event of a Kamala Harris presidency or other national disaster.

Surely we can find a design that speaks to our entire 250 year history rather than just the couple of years in which the country has gone certifiably nuts.

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT

I know I said I'd try to post more often (and I will!) but for an emotionally challenged guy (if there's not already a condition called PermaGrief, I should trademark it) the news is just brutal every day lately. One or more mass murders, well-funded "protesters" attacking ICE officers who are trying to enforce the law, troops being sent into out-of-control cities to finally help make citizens safe (while the city officials side with the criminals)... how the heck does a satirist jump into that meat grinder?! And don't suggest primal screams - I've tried it and it doesn't help. Much.

SPEAKING OF SPOOKING

Just to add a little color and foolishness here, I'm still playing with AI music and video tools and enjoying it. I recently knocked out this little project about a carnival "dark ride." Perfect for helping you get into the Halloween spirit!

So step right up - tickets are just one shiny Susan B. Anthony dollar!

Not Gone, Hopefully Not Forgotten

No, no - I've just been pining. Now put me down!

Well, Yikes - it's been two months or more since I've posted and some of you probably suspected that I had jet-skied the River Styx. Others, according to the grapevine, were taking bets on the manner of my departure. 

The leading contenders were 1) Sniper, 2) Syphilis, 3) Beaten to death by debt collectors from Clan MacGregor, 4) asphyxiated at an all-you-can Chinese buffet or, 5) thrill-seeking with an amazingly cheap parachute from Temu that turned out to be a spray-painted school backpack.

But no, I'm not dead and have no interesting excuse why I haven't posted. Which I'll prove immediately following this timely holiday cartoon...

It's too early to know if this is funny or terrifying

First, know that I want to be in touch with you more often and I'm trying to figure out how to do it (your ideas are welcome)! The problem is this: as many of you know, the loss of my wife Kathy was (and is) very hard on me both emotionally and mentally. There is something called "widow's fog" which essentially steals about 30% of your IQ. In my case, that's combined with a very low threshold for anything stress-inducing (seriously, my body starts jerking like I'm getting electric shocks).

So I can't invest myself in watching the (ahem) "news" to any extent because I don't react to lying, evil, and idiocy as calmly and stylishly as I used to. And as a bonus, the "news" has gone way past insane. How can any of this madness be made into parody? 

So clearly I need a different (funny!) focus for this blog, but I'm not sure what it is. Personal memories (only entertaining ones, honest)? Stupid Amazon ads ripe for mocking? Movie or product reviews? Dirty limericks? Excerpts from my diary? Someone throw me a life-preserver here!

But for now, please know that neither Stilton's Place nor I is gone. Just regrouping at a frustratingly slow pace. And I'll try to be better about not disappearing for such long times.

But enough of all that. Enjoy your Labor Day while you can and I'll see you here soon!  -Stilt

FROM THE VAULT

And what the heck - here's one from Johnny!