Biden's Path To Victory

Joe Biden's political future is still open, much like his gaping mouth and the zipper on his pants.  But Democrats still think that it's critical that he beat Donald Trump in November, due in no small part to the Supreme Court's decision that it's perfectly okay for presidents to do absolutely anything. A situation which would almost certainly make Trump into a modern, blood-drinking, all-powerful orange Caligula.

The Supreme Court decision did not, of course, do anything remotely like that. Only idiots would think otherwise. But the Venn diagram showing "idiots" and "liberals" overlaps so much that it looks like a single circle.

Based on the Court's decision, The Huffpost has declared that Biden can now legally murder Trump, others have suggested that Joe Biden use his presidential power to fire cruise missiles into the conservative Supreme Court, and "wise Latina" Justice Sonia Sotomayor has declared that the ruling means that a president is now a "king above the law." A chilling warning that reminds us that we really shouldn't give lifetime appointments to nitwits.

With so much hysteria in the air, many Democrats are reasserting their intent to vote for Biden even if he's legally shown to have the mobility of a barnacle and the mental capacity of a sponge cake. But to accomplish this, it's critical that the public now see as little of Joe as possible to prevent further damage. A point made ever so clearly by this recently released video from the Democrat National Committee...

Ups and Downs

You've got to give it to Joe Biden - when he falls down he gets right back up and explains to the officer who tackled him that he was only checking the little girl for head lice. And isn't that the kind of fighting spirit we need right now?

Apparently, there are still people who think so.  Joe is already back on the campaign trail, alternately shouting and whispering whatever is on his teleprompters. Among the claims he's making is that his debate performance actually won over more independent voters than Trump got. And oddly enough, it's true.

Or at least, true-ish. Newsweek, which we didn't know existed anymore, trumpeted the headline "Undecided Voters Say They Now Support Joe Biden After Debate" and it's being tweeted by the Biden-Harris team. But Not The Bee, the funny, truth-telling partner website of The Babylon Bee pulled back the curtain on the story. Newsweek was citing a single poll of just 12 (count 'em!) undecided voters who were not native English speakers. No, really. They couldn't understand anything either candidate said during the debate so just read subtitles in Spanish, and God only knows what was being written there:

Trump: I'll execute all the Hispanic men and rape their wives and daughters.
Biden: I'll give them each a million dollars and make siesta time longer.

At the time of this writing, Joe Biden is sequestered at Camp David with Dr. Jill, discussing with advisors whether he should stay in the race or be released on a nice farm where he can wander to his heart's content and frolic and be happy. 

Or at least, that's the story the party bosses will tell the kids...