2020: The Year in Rebuke - Part Two

Before continuing with our postmortem of 2020, we pause for a moment of art appreciation:

Now then, where were we? Oh yeah, we had just struggled into...

 APRIL

The new coronavirus was spreading, people were dying, and almost nothing made sense anymore. Note that we said "almost" nothing...

"The government is emptying the prisons, spending trillions in make-believe money, and locking up churches while making sure Planned Parenthood stays open," explained Sanders in off-the-record remarks which we might have just imagined. "I keep pinching myself just to be sure this isn't just some kind of wonderful dream!"

As the nation suffered, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, Joe Biden, could not be reached for comment because he was busy farting in the bathtub and snapping at the bubbles. Which is why someone else finally had to speak up for him...

This was even harder for him to say than "radical Islam."

The big moment that virtually no one was waiting for finally happened when Barack "Sorry about using up all the N95 masks and not replacing them" Obama officially endorsed Joe "Where am I?" Biden for President of the United States.

Biden himself was sequestered at home and dividing his time between selecting a female VP candidate ("We need someone with a...um...whatchamacallit. Damn. No, wait! Virginia!") and excitedly trying to catch a bright red dot being projected by a laser pointer scotch-taped to a slow-moving ceiling fan.

Meanwhile, on the plague front, there were some decidedly mixed signals from on high...

With America deep in crisis, even Joe Biden needed to weigh in...

But Joe could still talk, which meant he'd be making delightful new gaffes in...

MAY



Okay, he only said the part about looking for a "calendar model," which is certainly in no way demeaning when selecting a woman for a professional and critically important job, right? After all, it's not like women need actual qualifications to get hired, as proved by...



Alleged news network CNN added teen climate pest Greta Thunberg to their "all expert" coronavirus panel on a townhall broadcast, which made a certain kind of Bizarro-world sense considering that the Left (particularly in Nancy Pelosi's $3 trillion "Heroes" Act) had declared that the best way to fight the coronavirus was by discontinuing the use of fossil fuels, giving blanket amnesty to illegal immigrants, establishing a guaranteed minimum income for everyone, forgiving college loans, putting additional bite into racial diversity requirements, and using government funds to help encourage the sale of cannabis in minority communities. And no, we didn't make up any of that.

Nor did a former Biden staffer appear to be making anything up when she described a particularly heinous sexual assault perpetrated by Gropin' Joe...

The media wasn't shocked in the least by Biden's sexual transgression and, unsurprisingly, simply decided not to talk about it. No, what shocked them was that President Trump was willing to personally demonstrate the safety of a promising and long-used drug for the treatment of Covid-19...

Dihydrogen Monoxide is water. Don't tell the Liberals.

Hydroxychloroquine, which we'll henceforth refer to as HCQ because this isn't a damn spelling bee, had been villainized by the media, politicians, and even some medical organizations solely because Trump said "it might work." Their narrative was that HCQ couldn't possibly help Covid-19 sufferers and was significantly more dangerous to ingest than drain cleaner. 

Which was correct apart from the fact that HCQ actually seemed (and seems) to have very good efficacy for early treatment of Covid-19 and an excellent safety profile. But in the media's eyes, it was better for people to continue dying (and far better to keep the economy crippled) rather than admit that Trump might actually have been right about something. 

Plus, railing against HCQ gave the media an excuse not to report on Biden's continuing gaffes...

In an interview speaking with the distinguished African-American journalist "Charlamagne tha God," Joe Biden quipped that "if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black."

Even for Biden, this was an impressive accomplishment: using only three words, he denied the existence of biological race, suggested that Black Americans were still wholly-owned and controlled by Democratic slavemasters and, just for good measure, used "ain't" because he apparently thought African-Americans were too dumb to understand correct grammar.

Not that this seemed important when the racial feces really hit the fan in...

JUNE

Race riots and violence swept the nation, provoked (at least in theory) by the death of George Floyd, an African-American who died after having a policeman kneel on his neck and, oh yeah, taking a lethal dose of fentanyl.  Still, the narrative (if not the facts nor the autopsy) was that Floyd was murdered by the police and so widespread carnage should ensue in the streets to help the nation heal.

Most of the rioting was perpetrated by antifa-style terrorists, emboldened by previous spasms of destruction that not only went unchecked and unpunished but were actively praised by left-leaning media. Which is why the rioting went on and on...

Desperate to prevent even a single future case of police malfeasance (real or imagined) liberals called to "defund the police" and replace them with unarmed Rapid Response Social Workers...

But even a pandemic and burning cities couldn't slow down the political juggernaut of Basement Joe Biden's political momentum...

With Biden's candidacy assured, Democrats could again turn their attention to the critical national business of fanning the flames of racial discord...

It's official: "cultural appropriation" now only applies to sombreros.

To show their support for George Floyd and, apparently, their African heritage, Democrats solemnly pretended to kneel on a black neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Which brought the total time they'd been kneeling on black necks to about 100 years, 8 minutes, and 46 seconds.

And since the Left was so clearly supportive of their ongoing violence, armed rioters just started claiming entire neighborhoods as their own...

The freshly-formed principality of CHAZ (the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone), ruled by a local rapper, erected border walls to keep out police - which was unnecessary since the police were ordered not to interfere with the "Summer of Love" revolution. Secure in their redoubt, the BLM/Antifa occupiers divided their time between demanding that all land be seized for communal farming, and begging for donations of food that someone else had worked to produce.

At which point, the nation's handbasket to Hell really started picking up speed...

Yet more outrage and rioting erupted after the police shooting of African-American Rayshard Brooks in Atlanta. Despite headlines saying "Police Kill Black Man For Being Asleep at Wendy's," officers actually used deadly force only after Brooks failed a breathalyzer test, violently assaulted the cops, wrestled them to the ground, stole a taser, ran...and then turned to fire a potentially lethal taser shot at a policeman's face. The officer was unamused.

Rioters subsequently burned down the nearby Wendy's restaurant to show how much they detest violence. And with Brooks' death being wildly misrepresented by the media (and, oh yeah, businesses being burned to the ground), corporate America decided that racial self-flagellation might be a good survival tactic...

But even this failed to placate the rioters, who upped their game by bravely attacking statues...

The war on historical statues of any kind clarified that the ongoing riots weren't really about race at all (indeed, most of the rioters were privileged white liberals) but were instead a radical push for anarchy and Marxism. And, not coincidentally, making the country look bad as another inducement to get rid of President Trump.

Across the country, police were being villainized, defunded, and ordered to stand down. Oddly, this did not seem to make the streets safer in...

JULY

Reliable idiot Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tried to explain away a skyrocketing wave of violent crime by claiming #BreadLoavesMatter, while ignoring New York City's defunding of police and the city's new "catch and release" policies which immediately returned criminals to the streets.

Unquestionably, it was time for real societal change and strong, meaningful measures. Like this one, for instance...

Finally, the nation knew that George Floyd did not die in vain. Oh sure, in the wake of his self-induced death there had been hundreds of businesses burned to the ground, dozens of monuments defaced, tens of millions of dollars in property damage, multiple murders, a skyrocketing increase in crime, and greater racial animosity dividing the nation than we'd seen in half a century.

But it was all worth it, because the Associated Press changed their internal style guide to always capitalize the word "Black" when used in the context of race and culture. The AP  also announced that they won't be doing the same for the word "white" because "white doesn't represent a shared culture and history in the way Black does." 

Joe Biden, however, was still seeking out people who did have a shared culture and history to beg for their support...

In another basement broadcast, Joe addressed a group of 3,000 people during a Muslim American Advocacy event, speaking passionately about Islamaphobia, the need for a Palestinian state ("Maybe Idaho"), and the enormous contributions of Muslims in fighting the coronavirus pandemic - presumably by having ordered their women to keep their faces covered for a thousand years.

But Biden's outreach couldn't quell the nation's ongoing tension when three more African-Americans were semi-tragically shot without cause...

Coincidentally, they're also the "Not F*cking Clear On Covering Your Damn Noses" Coalition.

Tragedy rocked Louisville, Kentucky when three members of the BLM-supporting militia group, the "Not F*cking Around Coalition," were shot by one of their own members who was apparently just screwing around with his gun. Debate subsequently raged about whether the shooter should be charged with any crimes or simply receive a special commendation for public service.

But any hope arising from this incident was quickly dashed in...

AUGUST

As massive recreational looting and violence continued in lawless hellholes like Chicago, Black Lives Matter "spokesperson-of-color-with-a-uterus," Ariel Atkins (seen above), declared that the smash and grab thefts were actually "reparations," and that "anything (the rioters) want to take, they can take it because these businesses have insurance."

Which suggested that Ms. Atkins had no idea whatsoever how insurance works or who ends up paying for it, which should have put her solidly in the running for Clueless Joe's vice-presidential "any damn woman of color" nomination. But Joe was determined to make an even worse choice...

Kamala Harris got the nod for VP candidate, despite having called Joe Biden a segregationist and sexual predator, having the most radically Leftist voting record in Congress, and having been the first primary candidate in the 2020 cycle to be rejected by Democrats - who she subsequently accused of being racists and misogynists. But on the plus side, the Indian/Jamaican Senator was vaguely black-ish.

With the top of the ticket determined, all Biden needed was solid advice from a proven winner...

Hillary Clinton counseled Joe Biden to not concede the election "under any circumstances," even if he got his ass handed to him by the voters ("Hey look," Joe would say, "It's my elbow!").

In other words, Hillary dropped any pretense that she believed (or had ever believed) that our nation's leadership should be determined by voters. Rather, she openly advocated a different system in which political machinations, power, money, and corrupt courts would replace the expressed wishes of America's pesky peasant class. In literary terms, this is called "foreshadowing." 

Meanwhile, Joe Biden and President Trump continued campaigning, with Trump holding rallies for tens of thousands of enthusiastic voters, and Biden occasionally coming up from his basement to speak outdoors in front of up to a dozen distantly-parked rental cars. This same level of excitement, dynamism, and energy was subsequently reflected in the Democrat and Republican national conventions...

For those who didn't experience either fireworks display, just imagine the difference between a wet fart and the 1812 Overture. Of course, even a wet fart can be powerful if it stinks badly enough - as we'll explore in the next installment of 2020: A Year In Rebuke.

2020: The Year In Rebuke - Part One

Every new year is a fresh beginning filled with hope, promise, and the ominous theme from "JAWS" playing in the background. At least, such was the case with 2020, which arrived in the form of a seemingly innocent New Year's Baby who just happened to bring along fava beans and a nice chianti.

Not that the year was entirely bad, of course. We would be remiss if we didn't note that a lot of really, really great things happened too. Unfortunately, they only happened for the usual cheats, liars, and bastards who stop at nothing and get away with everything. 

And it all started in...

JANUARY

With the 2020 election already on everyone's minds, primary candidate Joe Biden made a "No Malarkey and Damn Little Poppycock" campaign speech in which he told miners that getting new employment under the Biden administration would be easy-peasy if they just learn to write computer code.

"Anybody who can go down 3,000 feet in a mine can sure as hell learn to program as well," Biden enthused. "Anybody who can throw coal into a furnace can learn how to program, for God's sake!"

And any damn fool can run for president, right Joe? It's not like the job takes courage and initiative...

 

Or maybe it does! President Trump authorized a drone strike on Iran's Major General Qasem "Smithereens" Soleimani as a reminder to the terrorist regime that he's not really a "pallet of cash in the middle of the night" kind of guy. Unlike...

Really, John? We're all ears.

Appearing on a CNN interview, John "Swift Boat" Kerry again repeated the preposterous claim that during the Obama/Biden administration, there wasn't so much as "a whiff of scandal." Which is true in the sense that a massive cloud of stench can't really be called a "whiff."

But Kerry's "no whiff of scandal" claim wasn't the only thing stinking in the news...

Despite this egregious reminder that celebrities are, as a rule, stupid and annoying, primary presidential candidates still scrambled to get endorsements from the Hollywood elite...

As the old political idiom says, "As goes Danny Devito, so goes Rhea Perlman." At least, this was the hope of candidate Bernie Sanders who apparently considered the munchkin vote to be an important step toward the White House. 

And speaking of steps (and quite possibly goose-stepping), we saw a carefully choreographed display of them when House democrats staged a parade...

Their preposterous march to the Senate to deliver articles of impeachment against President Trump reminded us of the Wicked Witch of the West's guards, the Winkies, strutting about while intoning: "Yo-ee-oh, Yo-ee-oh, Yo-ee-oh, Ee-Ohhhh-ya!"  Not that the idiocy started with their pinheaded procession...

And so the stage was set for President Trump's totally non-partisan impeachment procedings...

Mitch McConnell officially set the rules for the Trump impeachment trial to be fast, efficient, and - particularly dismaying to those on the Left - with a verdict coming at the end of the proceedings rather than the beginning. Still, the Democrats promised to press forward, refusing to let anything distract them from their single-minded focus on persecuting Trump. Which is a pity, since some important things were brewing...

Pretty much everyone (other than certain insightful bloggers) poo-pooed the importance of a fast-mutating coronavirus from China which was thought to have originated in bats, after which it was passed to snakes, where it transformed into a new form which can affect humans and be passed by coughing, sneezing, or a simple House majority. No, wait - scratch that last one. We're getting our plagues mixed up. And speaking of mixed up...

Still, the Left kept their laser-like focus on impeachment, despite having produced no evidence of wrongdoing during their hearings. Not that evidence would have affected their votes...

And so the stage was set for a final showdown in...

FEBRUARY

The month got off to a flying start with a disastrous Democratic caucus snafu in Iowa which failed to give any intelligible results. Meanwhile, the impeachment circus was wrapping up with Adam "Popeye" Schiff claiming that if Trump were not found guilty and removed from office, he could give Alaska to Vladimir Putin in return for election interference in November. No, really.

And all of that was deemed way more important than the danger of the new Coronavirus coming to our shores, although a few prescient souls started stockpiling Purell and Clan MacGregor scotch, which can be used interchangeably.  Advice that might have been handy for Nancy Pelosi to know when Trump's impeachment vote was final...

Still, Nancy is nothing if not a good loser. So she certainly didn't sit behind President Trump during his State of the Union address and make faces, roll cud around in her mouth, and finish the evening by ripping a printed copy of the speech to pieces while on camera. Oh wait - we mean that's exactly what she did...

But despite this setback to the Democrats, a bevy of primary candidates still pressed forward with their campaigns. Some ran on the "Green New Deal," while Joe Biden's campaign remained gaffe-powered...

Yes, he really said that

Following disastrous showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, Joe Biden's political survival hung on getting a big win in his so-called "firewall" state, South Carolina, with the help of black voters. Unfortunately, Joe had a long record of casually racist remarks, like describing (with wonder) Obama in 2007 as being "articulate, bright, and clean." Or his telling an audience of black mayors that a key educational problem in their communities is that black parents "can't read or write themselves." A gaffe that Biden bounced back from, in his own mind, by proclaiming that "poor kids are as bright as white kids."

Despite this, the Democratic primary debates showed that Biden had one thing going for him...

Showing a unified front, the Democratic candidates unanimously ran on hating Donald Trump and having no freaking clue about confronting any other challenges. Or even acknowledging that such existed...

Unlike politicians and the (ahem) "news" media, Stilton's Place was saying things like, "It's a virtual certainty at this point that the virus cannot be contained, and it will be coming to your community." We were also warning about airborne transmission, asymptomatic spread, and the importance of wearing masks and social distancing. 

We were not, however, talking about drugs yet. Unlike Bernie Sanders... 

During a wildly out of control Democratic debate, then-frontrunner Bernie Sanders proclaimed that "we're going to provide help to the African-American, Latino, and Native American community to start businesses to sell legal marijuana." Because, in Bernie's view, what the hell else are "those people" qualified to do? It's not like they can aspire to be doctors, electricians, lawyers, plumbers, teachers, computer programmers, or senators - right?

With brilliant campaigning like that, it's not surprising that the primary race really started getting tight (so to speak) in...

MARCH

Low-ranking candidates started jumping ship following Joe Biden's massive (and first in his lifetime) primary win in South Carolina, where he captured the all-important black vote by repeatedly pointing out that, unlike Bernie Sanders, he was not a Jew.

Even bushel baskets of money couldn't keep competing candidates afloat...

Nor could Elizabeth Warren's "heap big medicine" do the job...

And remember that theme from "JAWS" we mentioned earlier? Those ominous bass notes kept getting louder and louder...

Believing (and announcing) that Covid-19 was growing exponentially, we divided our time between political analysis and dashing from store to store to make ready to hunker down. Disturbingly, in many stores the shelves had already been completely cleared of hunker. Not that it was anything to worry about according to Democrats on the campaign trail...

Then suddenly, just like magic, everyone finally realized that the Covid-19 pandemic was a real thing which should be taken seriously. Well, mostly seriously...

America shut down, the stock market crashed, toilet paper went the way of the Dodo, and Joe Biden decided to do the rest of his campaigning from a basement...

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Join us here soon (maybe even tomorrow, but no promises) for 2020: Part Two!