Friday, June 29, 2018

Supreme Irony

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, supreme court, nomination, kennedy, trump, obama, birth certificate

It's a glorious time to be alive.

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy is stepping down, meaning that Donald Trump gets to pick another Supreme Court nominee, and those on the Left are having a white-hot thermonuclear meltdown which is more spectacular and beautiful to witness than any sunset...especially since this likely does represent the sun setting on many of their most beloved violations of the Constitution.

Many progressives are especially bereft of hope because, judging on their social media posts, they actually believe that all laws come from the Supreme Court rather than being created by our elected officials (including the ones the Left has been claiming were heading our way in a tsunami-sized "blue wave" in November).

Granted, there's a certain de facto truth to the notion that the Supreme Court has been creating bad law out of thin air through highly (ahem) imaginative interpretations of the Constitution - but we're pretty sure that President Trump is about to slam the brakes on that aberration. Somewhere, the founding fathers are breathing sighs of relief and exchanging high-fives.

Adding to our delight in this turn of events is the chilling knowledge of what could have been and would have been had a certain other presidential candidate weaseled her way into office...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, supreme court, nomination, kennedy, trump, obama, birth certificate, hillary, loretta lynch,
You KNOW this was on the table...
Like we said, it's a glorious time to be alive.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Hell or High Waters

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, maxine waters, red hen, confrontation, violence, trump, cabinet

Angry rhetoric encouraging Lefties to seek out and harass those with whom they have ideological disagreements has gotten way out of hand.

Things are so bad that following Maxine Waters spittle-flecked demands for mob actions against members of the Trump administration (and presumably Trump voters), that Nancy Pelosi - no stranger to ugly rhetoric herself - had to step up to condemn the Democratic representative's threatening words.

For lack of a better term, we'll call Mad Maxine's law-abusing minions "Lynch Mobs," as a tip of the hat to Loretta Lynch's long stint of corrupting the DOJ along ideological lines. And really, who needs due process these days before attacking those who you don't want sharing your community, your government, your restaurants, or your drinking fountains?

Meanwhile, the mainstream media is doing its level best to clamp down on this dangerous excess of unthinking hatred...
Mike Luckovich won a Pulitzer for drawing brain dead crap like this. Even so, if you see him and his family
 dining in a restaurant please don't pee in his soup. Unless, of course, you can get video.
Only kidding! They're ramping the whole fake situation up by ignoring Trump's many accomplishments while calling him - and us - Nazis, and they won't be satisfied until there's actual blood running in the streets. And they don't care whose blood it is - they'll be able to spin it the way they want (against Trump and against America) no matter who assumes room temperature.

When an entire political party is so out of ideas that they resort to calls for violence, we should all be afraid. Not afraid for ourselves as conservatives, libertarians, or simple patriots (in violent confrontations, pussy hats, placards, and smart phones will prove to be of surprisingly little tactical value in the face of second amendment tools), but rather afraid for our country itself.

No enemy can defeat us from without...but there can be no winning another civil war.

And we are very near the point where law enforcement should be enthusiastically used to curtail the Constitutionally unprotected hate speech that is calling for such. The laws are, after all, already on the books:

        US Code 2101 on Riots:
(a) Whoever travels in interstate or foreign commerce or uses any facility of interstate or foreign commerce, including, but not limited to, the mail, telegraph, telephone, radio, or television, with intent—
(1) to incite a riot; or
(2) to organize, promote, encourage, participate in, or carry on a riot; or
(3) to commit any act of violence in furtherance of a riot; or
(4) to aid or abet any person in inciting or participating in or carrying on a riot or committing any act of violence in furtherance of a riot;
and who either during the course of any such travel or use or thereafter performs or attempts to perform any other overt act for any purpose specified in subparagraph (A), (B), (C), or (D) of this paragraph— [1] Shall be fined under this title, or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.


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But not a lot truer.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Better Fed Than Red

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, sarah huckabee sanders, red hen, hatred, hooters

We can't decide if it was the dumbest or most annoying news story of the weekend (probably both), but social media again went nuts along partisan lines upon hearing that White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders and seven dining companions were thrown out of the Red Hen Restaurant in Lexington, Virginia before being served because the staff and management hate the President and anyone associated with him.

Ms. Sanders (no relation to Colonel Sanders, who has also had his ups and downs with hens) left quietly with her party, wisely deciding that it's better not to make a scene rather than to be served wildly overpriced food containing spit, very personal little curly hairs, and the other bodily effluvia which likely would have tainted their entrees.

While many are criticizing the pussy hat-wearing management of the Red Hen Restaurant (and no, we're not making that up), we would actually like to see more restaurants adopt a similarly candid policy of making a public declaration of their bitter hatred of non-progressives.

Indeed, placing a sign to that effect in the window would help millions of decent, tolerant, patriotic folks avoid these hate-filled eateries. Not to mention avoiding the occasional bout of food poisoning which can be expected from restaurants that actively resist letting jackbooted Nazi-ish government health inspectors inspect their maggot-ridden kitchens.

As always, Sarah Huckabee Sanders - who is a national treasure - handled the inconvenient situation with aplomb and grace. We only hope the owners of the Red Hen Restaurant will do the same when facing their inevitable bankruptcy.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, sarah huckabee sanders, red hen, hatred, hooters

Friday, June 22, 2018

Separation Anxiety

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, border, immigration, families, separation, millennials, employment, economy, Trump

Despite President Trump issuing an Executive Order intended to help the families of illegal immigrants stick together while being processed and/or prosecuted, it would appear that our nation's heartbreaking Third Reich Holocaust-style abuse of children is still not at an end.

We know this because of a recently released study which could bring tears to a grown man's eyes. And yes, we're referring to Rachel Maddow.

Specifically, the study showed a small but significant decrease in the number of 18-to-34 year olds who were forced by economic necessity (i.e. the Obamaconomy) to continue living with their parents. As the children are dragged away to become members of the capitalist workforce, bitter tears are being shed.

"I thought, like, my parents needed a court order to make me leave," sobbed one 28-year-old pajama boy, "especially since I'm still being breast fed!"

President Trump, predictably, is unmoved by the children being separated from their parents, and ruthlessly continues to encourage job growth. This despite strong condemnation from Left-leaning leaders like Nancy Pelosi who has said, "You can look and look in the Bible, but you won't find any justification for young Americans taking "the jobs that Americans won't do" away from the undocumented and frequently gang-affiliated immigrants who would do "the jobs that Americans won't do" if Americans weren't doing them. If you don't believe me, then believe Jesus."

Far be it from us to argue theology with an expert like Ms. Pelosi. So we will suggest only that we all take time to pray for the families being ripped asunder by employment, prosperity, and a reawakening sense of self-worth and independence.


Alleged actor Peter Fonda took to Twitter recently to voice his hatred for the First Family, and to encourage kidnapping and pederasty as useful tools for the Left to demonstrate their moral superiority to the Deplorables in our nation.

Here's what he tweeted:

The First Lady has subsequently asked the Secret Service to investigate Mr. Fonda, not only because of the appalling nature of his threats, but because most movie fans have been convinced that the actor died years ago, along with his career.

Not that he didn't have one good scene in the only memorable movie he was ever in. Specifically, this scene:

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, border, separating familes,
Even more enjoyable when viewed on a continuous loop!
Seriously (which we aren't very often), Fonda's rhetoric - which he has since apologized for - goes way too far and should not fall under the province of protected speech. He is calling for violence against the First Family and, specifically, the violent rape of a child. Because he's so sensitive and enlightened, you see.

Even worse, he's making this call to action to his thousands of followers, any one of whom might decide to implement it. Especially since Peter Fonda can't possibly have any followers who are, as we say in the psychological field, "right in the head."

How could they be, when exposed to a regular diet of Fonda's other sociopathic tweets like this one about our nation's Director of Homeland Security:

For those blissfully unfamiliar with the term, "gash" is an obscene reference to female genitalia, and is considered to be even uglier, more unacceptable, and more sexually demeaning than Samantha Bee's "c-word" description of our First Lady.

It is a word so foul, fetid, and unforgivable that we would personally never use it about any woman.

Except, of course, Jane Fonda.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, charles krauthammer, death, cancer, funny, brilliant, fox news, inspirational

We were just finishing today's post when we got word that Fox News contributor (and so very much more) Dr. Charles Krauthammer has died of cancer. Little more than a month ago, he and we believed that he would be returning to the airways after an extended illness - at a time when his wit, wisdom, encyclopedic knowledge, and stunning gifts of insight and analysis were so desperately needed.

It didn't work out that way. Not quite two weeks ago, he wrote an eloquent and moving public letter to let everyone know that his cancer had returned and his battle was at an end. Sadly, he was right.

We can't express the sense of personal loss we're feeling right now. For years, we hung on Dr. Krauthammer's every word - not necessarily agreeing with everything he said, but recognizing the intellectual honesty and integrity which demanded that we take him seriously and, when necessary, reexamine our own opinions.

Besides his remarkable academic gifts, Charles Krauthammer could make us laugh, loudly and frequently. And he radiated a strength and positivity about life, despite facing and overcoming enormous personal obstacles, which was nothing less than inspirational.

His passing is a huge loss for our country, our culture, and to our lives. We are grateful for the time he shared with all of us, and wish there could have been so much more.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The 5000 Fingers of President T

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, children, border, separation from family, bullshit, mainstream media, 5000 fingers of Dr. T
"And be careful with those Little Hands hats!"
Sea levels are rising dramatically owing to the outpouring of Liberal tears over the evil President T's continuing abduction of immigrant children as they cross America's southern border.

Once separated from their families, the weeping waifs are forced to pound out patriotic songs on the White House "500 Kid Piano" - every key of which was made with endangered elephant ivory - while President T waves his baton and screams that the children have to play "bigly" if they ever hope to see their parents again.

Okay, that's not really what Trump is doing, although it's as true as what you're likely to hear from the mainstream media these days. What we were describing was Dr. Seuss's fever dream of a kid's movie, "The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T," about which there are two cinematic schools of thought: those who think it's one of the greatest films ever, and those who wouldn't know a great film if it bit them in their piano bench region.

But returning (reluctantly) to reality, Leftists and other soft-headed types are having absolute conniption fits over President Trump's brand new policy of temporarily separating kids from their families when they enter the country illegally. And when we say "brand new policy," we mean exactly the same policy which has been law since champion-of-the-children Bill "Pedophile Island" Clinton was president. Certainly, Barack Obama made major use of the policy, albeit without a peep of complaint from the mainstream media.

The separations occur only after illegal border crossings (i.e. not when people come to an actual American port of entry and make a simple asylum claim) and are done in part to give social services time to ascertain whether the kids are actually traveling with a parent, or simply being dragged over the border by an MS-13 gang member who transports minors for sex trafficking.

Despite what cynical liars like Hillary Clinton say in their self-serving fundraising letters, the kids are not kept in cages, ripped from the arms of breastfeeding mothers, or mistreated in any way. And come to think of it, wasn't it Hillary F. Clinton who claimed, "it takes a village" (i.e. the government) to raise kids rather than actual parents?!

The "news" media and equally laughable social media are treating this as an ongoing repeat of the Holocaust (no, really - they've played that card) rather than the continuing implementation of decades' old policy. And among their favorite tools are memes showing pitiful children in cages, like this one:

The problem is that this photo is staged, and the poor kid is actually inside a cage because he was put there by a bunch of loudmouthed anti-border protesters (who are the other people carefully cropped out of the photo). 

We don't really want to add to the flood of fake news, but if the Left wants to make false claims about this picture, why shouldn't we make even better false claims...?

Seriously, wouldn't it be fun to see this go viral?
Feel free to post this meme anywhere it might offend or confuse a Leftist. And in the meanwhile, don't worry too much about what's happening to those unfortunate children whose parents are using them to skirt American law. As The Who once sang, the kids are alright.

Monday, June 18, 2018

The Nut Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

(Reprinted/updated from 2016)
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, father's day
Insanity doesn't run in our family. It gallops.
Let us close our eyes and ears to the usual insanity in the news, and instead take a moment to celebrate fathers on the day after Father's Day. Specifically my father, although I've never heard a bad word said about your father.

I lost my father 12 years ago, but plenty of colorful memories survive. He was a kind and gentle man, a great husband and father, and the most creative and funniest man I've ever known or hope to know.

He was a gifted writer, an award-winning painter, prolific cartoonist, part-time inventor (with multiple patents, including the one for the yo-yo seen with the bikini babe above), successful entrepreneur, and flamboyant cross-dresser. Okay, he wasn't actually that last one, although he was certainly willing to wear whatever Easter outfit he thought would give others a laugh.

Of the many gifts he bestowed, it is likely that this desire to make others laugh (and a delightfully skewed view of the world) is what has influenced me most. In every way imaginable, I'm my father's son and glad to be so.

So here's a big Stilton's Place cheer not just for my dad, but for all dads who invest their lives and love doing so much for their families.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Comey Over

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ig report, comey, fbi, doj, hillary, political, murder

The long-touted DOJ inspector general's report on James Comey's bizarre antics as FBI head was finally made public yesterday, and it's safe to say that it feels more than a little underwhelming.

Oh sure, it catalogs plenty of wrongdoing, but backs away from accusing Comey of intending to do much the same way Comey himself gave a ludicrous free pass to Hillary Clinton despite her demonstrable panoply of high and low crimes.

The report, which we admittedly haven't read in full owing to actually having A) a semblance of a life and B) no faith whatsoever in the DOJ, calls Comey's actions "extraordinary and insubordinate" - which sounds more like the title of a bad Matt Damon/Ben Affleck film than the final words Comey should hear as a cell door clangs shut behind him.

The report also mentions the desire of various FBI agents working on Hillary's case to "stop Trump," which sounds pretty darn politically motivated to us...but then, swamp dwellers seem to live by different rules.

Our takeaway is that the highly-politicized Comey and his crew destroyed the credibility of the FBI which isn't really a good thing for the rule of law in our nation. In fact, this inspector general's report mostly serves as another reminder that we are too often ruled by the lawless.


In a startling bit of research which definitively proves, once and for all, that "researching" is the easiest job on Earth, a composite picture of the face of God has been assembled based on the scientifically precise method of having 511 people look at mugshot-style faces and then choose the ones which most look like God. Presumably after the Almighty was being booked for something.

When a computer combined the selected sketches into a single image, it was revealed that many conservative Christians believe that God looks like Jimmy Fallon, while liberals saw God as being a bit younger, a bit more feminine, and a bit more likely to have a really long, detailed and annoyingly precise set of instructions to give the barista at Starbucks.

Frankly, we find the resulting image to be a little less than awe-inspiring. In fact, we think the only thing this pointless exercise proves is that people are spending a lot more time watching late night TV than reading the Bible.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Nork, Nork! Who's There?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, kim jung un, north korea, summit, meeting, agreement, historic, obama, pussy

President Donald Trump bumfoozled the world and the media for the umpteenth time on Monday when he had a successful meeting with North Korea's nuke-happy little dictator, Kim Jung Un, to talk about a world in which neither nation has to reduce the other to glowing radioactive debris.

This has, of course, been derided by Trump's critics (and they are legion) as either a completely meaningless gesture or a godawful tragedy of historic proportions. If not both.

We see it a little differently. Donald Trump has opened the door for meaningful progress with North Korea...and it's far too early to know if it will pay off or not. That being said, even getting to this stage was considered impossible by previous administrations, so Trump deserves considerable credit.

Based on the progress made, it seems that Kim Jung Un is a little more willing to deal with a President who takes a tough stance ("I will bomb you so bigly that your entire country will be like molten lava spraying from the devil's butthole") rather than the more nuanced approach affected by Barack Obama.

And by nuanced, we mean acting like a prissy pantywaist when he watched North Korea launch test missiles towards Hawaii on the freaking 4th of July and still gave no more reaction than a cocked eyebrow, pursed lips, and an exasperated sigh.

It was basically the same sneering reaction Barry would have at a formal dinner if he spied someone incorrectly using a salad fork instead of the escargot fork...while completely losing sight of the more important fact that any fork is a danger in the hands of a volatile, sociopathic murderer.

Here at Stilton's Place, we still don't really understand Donald Trump...but we do understand winning and, from the Left, whining.

And currently we're enjoying both.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, against their will, bill clinton, rape, sexual abuse, #metoo, franken
"Dammit Bill, don't get any of her blood on my private email server!"
Bill Clinton continues to be the anti-feminist gift that keeps on giving. When recently talking about disgraced former Senator Al Franken getting busted for fanny fondling, the syphilitic ex-president offered up this rationale as a feeble defense: "The norms have really changed in terms of what you can do to somebody against their will."

Apparently in Bill Clinton's world, there was once a "norm" in which it was okay to have state troopers drag women to his hotel room, it was okay to drop trow and do an enticing weenie-waggle, it was okay to take sexual advantage of women too young and stupid to know better, it was okay to shove cigars up their tunnel of love, it was okay to threaten women (or worse) who didn't keep their mouths shut and, of course, it was okay in Bill Clinton's "norm" to rape a woman and leave her bleeding in bed after chewing on her.

And the Left agreed, for decades, that this not only was the norm but it was empowering for women. Because otherwise, they'd have had to condemn Bill Clinton and the loathsome wife who enabled (and possibly encouraged?) this appalling behavior.

#MeToo is finally saying the things that conservatives had been saying all along. Welcome to the club, ladies.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Soros Loser

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, soros, bubble, jabba the hutt

One of the easiest ways of gauging the success of the Trump administration is by checking the misery index of progressive billionaire troublemaker George Soros. It's a perfectly inverse (and perverse) relationship, in which the better things get, the worse Soros feels.

Which is why Soros's recent statement that "everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong," is a cause for celebration among those of us who actually love America.

The sloth-like Bond villain, who was utterly convinced that his contributions to Hillary Clinton would amount to the successful purchase of a President of the United States, now thinks he was "living in my own bubble." Which isn't really rare among ultra-weathy self-worshipping liberal whackjobs who believe their own methane emissions smell like rose blossoms.

Soros, who still receives royalties from Lucasfilms whenever Jabba the Hutt appears onscreen, is convinced that Donald Trump is "willing to destroy the world" by doing things like trying to get the North Koreans and Iranians to give up their nuclear ambitions and building a strong American economy in which fewer people become slaves to the state.

Actually, George, he's only destroying your world...and the dystopian nightmare that you and your hirelings had planned for us.

So let us rejoice in Soros's misery and also be reminded of a very important truth: money can't buy happiness or, in some cases, plastic surgery capable of removing really hideous eye bags.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, merkel, germany, G7

What we lack in geopolitical economic expertise here at Stilton's Place, we make up for with succinctness.

Friday, June 8, 2018

Radical Moosedom Extremists

As the G7 Summit begins in Quebec, trade war tensions are crackling in the air. In part because prissy Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau recently asked how his country could possibly be a "national security issue" for the United States, after which political historian Donald Trump accused Canada of burning down the White House during the War of 1812...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, war of 1812, canada, white house burns, trump, trudeau, G7, obama
In fairness, this is a traditional way for Canadians to keep warm.
Which they pretty much did, depending on how you want to parse the semantics: the White House pyromaniacs were technically British citizens at the time, but many of the torch-bearers were born Canucks as we know from their well-remembered battle cry: "So let's burn this place down, eh?"

With this in mind, we now take you on a trip into the recent past to remember how the chilling (literally) threat of Canadian terror was dealt with under Barack Hussein Obama...

FROM THE VAULT (Friday March 22, 2013)

obama, obama jokes, israel, palestine, canada, secret service, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, beaver, maple syrup

Barack Hussein Obama kicked open the door for Mideast peace yesterday by sharing his insight that the relationship between Israelis and Palestinians is almost exactly the same as the relationship between Americans and Canadians.

Granted, the Canadians haven't sworn to wipe America off the face of the Earth, nor do they constantly barrage our cities with rockets and mortar rounds, or send suicide bombers to blow the hell out of innocents in public places. But other than that, those Canadians are really hateful bastards.

And yet, after centuries of bloodshed and warfare between our two nations, Barack Obama has finally managed to negotiate an uneasy peace with those snowbound, French-speaking assholes by recognizing their divine right to have their own nation-state separate from the United States, as well as the religious freedom to say "aboot" when the sons of bitches clearly mean "about."

And so too, according to the president, the Palestinians and Israelis can come to a meaningful peace by following our example and, perhaps, fielding hockey teams.

Or then again, maybe the Palestinians and Israelis can achieve a real peacemaking victory simply by finding just one thing that both sides can agree on.

We think "Barack Obama is a complete effing idiot" would be a really good start.

obama, obama jokes, israel, palestine, canada, secret service, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, beaver, maple syrup, napolitano, terrorists
So, you know, you should watch for anything that's like syrup-titious, eh?

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Missed America

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, busty ross, miss america, swimsuits, nudity

Sorry, Busty (and heterosexual males) but when the Miss America Organization announced that there would be "no swimsuits" in this year's competition, they weren't adding nudity to the mix - but rather insuring that in these #MeToo times, the contestants would be properly and fully covered to protect them from the lustful gazes of the babe-centric.

In fact, the women "will no longer be judged on outward physical appearance" at all...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, busty ross, miss america, swimsuits, nudity

Clearly this is a huge step forward for those who hate attractive women (and who doesn't?) and also represents a huge door-opening opportunity for the many women who've been unable to peddle their wares onstage since sideshows were outlawed.

The event (which is not to be called a "pageant" ever again) will now feature women, or people who want to be women, or people who are becoming women being judged (wait, can we still say "judged?" Shouldn't it be "honored?") while wearing the evening garb of their choice and "discussing how they will advance their social impact initiatives." Wow, talk about HOT!

The Miss America event is at least keeping the talent competition, so we can still judge - oops, honor! - women who can twirl batons, play "Lady of Spain" on the accordion, solve a Rubik's cube, read self-written poems celebrating abortion, or devour a 72-ounce steak in under 5 minutes without using her hands.

We are also given to understand that the "Miss Congeniality" award will now be replaced by a "Miss Congenital Defect" award, and we think it's high time!

The event will be televised on ABC on September 9th. If you're like us, you're already marking your calendar to make sure that your television (just like males all over America) won't get turned on.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, bill clinton, today show, interview, lewinsky, dna fountain, crusty
Bill was wiping his servers long before Hillary got the idea.
In a hilarious appearance on NBC's "Today Show" to tout a novel he allegedly co-wrote, Bill Clinton was unexpectedly grilled on how he views the Monica Lewinsky scandal in light of progressive America's sudden realization that sexually abusing young women and destroying their reputations might not be the good-natured fun the Left always assumed it to be.

Slick Willy (looking increasingly like he's got a bad case of Sick Willy) was clearly annoyed by the host's repeated questions, denied any real wrongdoing, repeatedly claimed he'd apologized to Lewinsky before admitting that he hasn't (and won't), and also whined that he "didn't get out free" because he left the White House with $16 million in legal bills. None of which, as we recall, were actually related to his degradation of a woman 27 years his junior, but were rather a byproduct of his repeatedly lying under oath.

Clearly, Bill's not going to break his lifelong habits of lying and sexual predation just to please the transitory #MeToo movement. Especially since he sees all women as #MeatToo.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Monkey Business

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, pelosi, monkey, facebook, jarrett, planet of the apes

Following the brouhaha about Valerie Jarrett and "The Planet of the Apes," we thought it was a good idea to run a quick experiment to see what was and wasn't still acceptable in the world of political mockery. For this reason, we quickly whipped up the above comparison to Nancy Pelosi and a random baby monkey who would probably make better policy decisions.

The results amazed us: not only did we NOT get sent to Facebook jail (yet), but at last count the picture had been shared with 687,211 people. A number which is all the more humbling when you think that if each one of those people sent us only a dollar, we could be having a way better Monday than we're actually having...and one which would probably involve popping champagne corks and a number of hilariously rude phone calls to people who annoy us in everyday life.

But no, Facebook glory neither lasts nor pays...but it was still fun to see such a silly post catch on fire for a bit, especially since it emitted the scorched scent of burning liberal fur.

And for the eagle-eyed among you, yes, our Facebook page is still called "Hope n' Change" though we're now trying to change it to "Stilton's Place," if only to better screw with Facebook's algorithms.

Friday, June 1, 2018

I Beg Your Pardon / The Unkindest Crack

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, D'Souza, pardon, campaign finance, Trump

President Trump issued a tweet yesterday which commendably did not mention apes or monkeys in any form, but which instead announced his intention to issue a pardon to the brilliant conservative thinker, writer, and commentator Dinesh D'Souza.

D'Souza (who is believed by many to be the great-grandson of patriotic "March King" John Philip D'Souza) had previously been found guilty in 2012 of contributing too much money (over $10,000) to a candidate for Senate, using several proxies to sneak the money through the door. Was he guilty of wrongdoing? Totally. And unlike most Democrats, he had neither the guile to hide his crime tidily, or the ability to claim outright stupidity and have it seem plausible.

That being said, D'Souza was - to quote Trump's tweet - "treated very unfairly by our government." Specifically because they sentenced him to a $30,000 fine, 5 years of probation, 8 months in a halfway house, community service, and the loss of his ability to vote.

In similar cases involving Democrats, you don't see anything like those punishments. Or punishments at all. Of course, when Democrats are involved, you also don't tend to see such itty-bitty amounts of money involved.

No, when you want to illegally shove money into the pocket of some generic Democrat candiate whom, picking a name at random, we'll call "Hillary," your smarter election fraudsters will hire the candidate's husband to make a speech in a language no one in the audience understands about lunchbox safety, or ways to keep cigars moist, or international fiscal policy ("Get everyone to donate to the starving orphans of storm-wracked Haiti, then keep all the money and enjoy a dream vacation on Pedophile Island!") and pay him half a million dollars as a "speaking fee" which will conveniently end up paying campaign expenses.

No muss, no fuss, no criminal convictions, and no misadventures in the shower room of the halfway house (which raises the question: is it still a prison rape if things only go in halfway?)

In any event, we regret that D'Souza made such an idiotic choice (not a "mistake") in the first place, but we're glad that he is now receiving a well-deserved pardon. At least in part because it will really honk off Liberals again, which is always a great way to start the weekend!

BONUS: THE UNKINDEST CRACK (Caution: unavoidably R-rated!)

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ivanka, trump, samantha bee, cunt, sally field, roseanne

Literally one day after all the hoo-haw from the Left about it being totally unacceptable to even jokingly use derisory language to describe a woman or any other primate, alleged comedian Samantha Bee (whose show is the gynecologically named "Full Frontal") took to the airwaves to declare that  "Ivanka Trump is a feckless cunt."

And did Hollywood immediately lose its collective crap about this most unacceptable of sexually derisive obscenities?! It did not - because liberals believe that conservatives deserve every conceivable insult, no matter how foul or sexually charged.

For instance, withered miniature actress Sally Field, much beloved for her eons-ago role in TV's "The Flying Cunt" and the big screen "Forrest Cunt," tweeted "I like Samantha Bee a lot, but she is flat wrong to call Ivanka a cunt. Cunts are powerful, beautiful, nurturing and honest."

And of course, the Twitterverse went crazy, praising Ms. Field's wit and wisdom.

So if we're getting this straight (not that we mean to use a term which could seem homophobic or sexually binary), it's now a compliment to call a woman a cunt...and it only applies to progressive women?

The notion runs contrary to our upbringing and every fibre of our being...but thanks to women like Samantha Bee and Sally Fields, the idea is actually starting to grow on us.