Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Fuzzy Logic

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Pressure is increasing on Senate republicans to allow witnesses to testify in President Trump's impeachment trial following the revelation (by the NY Times) that in a still-unpublished book by Trump advisor and mustache consultant John Bolton, Trump is alleged to have said that he "preferred" not to free up financial aid to Ukraine until they assisted in a corruption investigation.

As much as we hate to quote Joe Biden, big f*cking deal.

We have no doubt whatsoever that Trump preferred not to send money to a government which had recently been involved in trying to affect U.S. elections...but the money got sent anyway, and no special investigation was launched. And if there's Quid but no Quo, then the Dems haven't identified "treason" but merely happened upon an outstanding example of "generosity."

Personally, we don't care whether Bolton testifies or not, as long as there is reciprocity in putting folks on the witness stand - like every member of the Biden family, Schiff, Nadler, Hillary Clinton, Comey, Clapper, and everyone else involved in the Steele Dossier/Russian Collusion coup attempt.

Because that's what Trump wanted to get to the bottom of...and what he was elected to do. We believe firmly that "the truth will set you free." Unless you're a genuinely corrupt political hack (yes, we're looking at you, Democrats) in which case "the truth will land your happy ass in a maximum security facility."


No matter how fraught the news cycles become, we should always be willing to take the time to appreciate the fine arts. To that end, we turn our attention to the recent Grammy awards, and the magical moment when Michelle Obama was awarded a golden trophy for the audiobook version of her memoir, "Becoming."

To honor this special accomplishment, we're sharing this cartoon and commentary from almost two years ago...

(Feb 28, 2018)

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, grammy, grammies, michelle obama, spoken word, becoming
Because "Obama Sutra" was already taken by some asshole.
We're just kidding about the whole "sex manual" thing (probably) and don't actually know a whole lot about the upcoming book other than that Michelle is splitting a $60 million payday with Barry for her literary efforts.

Lest that seem like gross overpayment, the Obamas have been quick to point out that they will donate "an undisclosed but significant portion of their earnings to charity, including (wait for it!) the Obama Foundation." Once again, the left pocket won't let the right pocket go hungry.

The book is being called a "memoir" (which is French for "ghost-written) and will detail how Michelle became the woman she is today. We don't know if any of the chapters will involve hormone therapy or surgical procedures, and we're too high-minded to speculate.

An audiobook version will also be available, read by the former first lady herself, and is expected to finally wring the last useful information out of Guantanamo detainees who are forced to listen to it.


Anonymous said...

Stilton you outdo yourself with every issue. The Michelle thing was great.

Jim Lane said...

Stilt, I don't know if you're aware of it (or care), but when I click on the link in the email notice I receive from you re: a new "Stilton's Place" posting, one of my security apps (Ublock Origin) has a royal hissyfit. It finds "Peter Lowe’s Ad and tracking server list", with the following filter in it: "||^". When I access "Stilton's Place" directly from your url: ( there's no problem. This isn't a one-time occurrence; I've run into this for weeks. Then again, maybe my system is simply overly-paranoid.

Good strip today! Sure wish all this fustercluck would hurry up and blow up in the Dummocraps' faces!

Rod said...

@Stilt: You'll not be surprised: It's being reported Hillary is "Feeling the Urge" to run against Trump for POTUS again. For all the other Dim candidates that sounds like either a concession on their behalf; or a death threat. Or maybe it's gas.

Fish Out of Water said...

Odd that before scrolling down to the blog, there's an ad call for donations to defeat mitch mcconnell.

Rastapopoulos said...

If Bolton-bait causes a fervor to bring in lots of witness, and Bolton really didn't have anything to say in the first place, could the book leak be strategic to allow the witnesses the defense (and swamp draining) needs?

Just asking for a friend...

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Thanks for the Queen La-Queefa gag, Stilton. A much needed repeat laugh.

As for witnesses, bring 'em on. ALL of 'em. Drain the damned swamp, already.

igor said...

I see a pattern with the "Foundation" thingy. Anyone else notice?
Gee, I wish I had a few million to spare to shovel to these grifters!

Jack said...


You have done well with your books and we enjoy them (thanks). My latest is fraught with the attacks of left-Wing Extremists. What's is about? -- Left-Wing Extremists. I suppose that is why. One bad review by someone who admits to never having read the book keeps many new readers away.

Success in gaining popularity seems a chancy thing. I hope you will pass a kind word on my work;

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Glad you enjoyed it!

@Jim Lane- Well THAT'S weird! I use Constant Contact to send out my emails, but the mailing list is just called something like "general interest." I don't know who the hell Peter Lowe is, nor do I use my mailing list for any ads at all. I'll report this to Constant Contact and see what they have to say.

(minutes later) "This would appear to be a defect. I will tag your account as one that is being affected. Our team is currently working on this issue and are doing their best to resolve it as soon as possible. Workaround would be:
Disable blocking for and/or in uBlock Origin settings OR
Turn off uBlock Origin"

Note: I don't understand ANY of that (grin).

@Rod- I've been quite consistent about predicting Hillary's last minute swoop into the race. I still stand by it.

@Fish Out of Water- The (few) ads on my site are populated by Google, and different people see different ads based on what Google THINKS it knows about you. In this case, it seems to have you pegged as someone interested in "politics" and the people paying for the ad didn't make a distinction about who would see their stupid message.

@Rastapopoulos- I suppose that's possible, and you've given me a headache (grin).

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I so agree! Swamp draining requires going after BOTH parties and the sleazy status quo. There's nothing out of the ordinary about the Hunter Biden situation...and that's the problem.

@igor- I'd like to have a tax-hiding "Foundation," too. Instead, I'm being told that I can no longer contribute to my Health Savings Account because I'm on Medicare. Apparently, if you're going to cheat the IRS the idea is to "go big or go home."

@Jack- Let me clean up that link to make it easier for folks here to check out your book (and maybe leave a review): “Extremists in our Midst” by Jack Wiegman.

And I HATE it when a bunch of positive Amazon reviews are torpedoed by some one-star jerkoff. I have a non-political coloring book on Amazon which got a one star review because a woman "thought it would fit in my purse, but it won't." The book is 8.5 x 11, which is clearly listed on the Amazon page. Sometimes you can't win for losin'.

TrickyRicky said...

Mitch needs to put Romney and the other squishy members of his caucus into an iron lady until they see the error of their ways.

Snark said...

McConnell would like to see this wrapped up before: A. The American Public is so pissed off at the total waste of time and money being spent that they show up with torches and pitchforks - and guns. Or B. So much of the swamp muck is raked up that even he is caught in the sleaze.
I really don't care if they allow more witnesses as long as they bring in enough to send all of the dhimicrats and half of the repugnicans to prison.
Hillary is being coy....which means she wants to see who might be the final front runner in the dhimicrat clown tryouts so she doesn't have to actually campaign. Also that she wants to see if the muck raking might make it necessary to find a new home in a country without an extradition treaty.

rickn8or said...

Snark, "Hillary" and "coy" should never be seen in the same sentence before breakfast.

John the Econ said...

"No witnesses! No witnesses!" Wasn't that the cry from Democrats only a few weeks ago, in living fear that the Republicans would queue up a parade of people with interesting things to say about Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, and general members of the Obama Administration.

So now they want one. Fine. At the end of the day, he'll only confirm what I've been saying for months now: Impeachment is all over allegations of behavior that we now know was standard operating procedure within the "scandal free" Obama Administration. The only difference is that nobody in Trump's family was rewarded with $50,000-a-month no-show jobs.

And @Stilton, I love how you put it: "We have no doubt whatsoever that Trump preferred not to send money to a government which had recently been involved in trying to affect U.S. elections...but the money got sent anyway, and no special investigation was launched. And if there's Quid but no Quo, then the Dems haven't identified "treason" but merely happened upon an outstanding example of 'generosity.'"

Again, the difference is that Biden got his quo for our money.

Remember in the '90s when the investigation into the Clintons monetizing the White House for campaign dollars somehow got turned into an investigation of Republicans? (Hero John Glenn got another ride into space as a reward for that) If the GOP had any balls at all, this would be an investigation into the real corruption that took place in the Obama Administration. Alas, we can only dream.

Michelle's Money: What has made Michelle Obama the woman she is today? Other people's money. Looks like they've taken a page from the Clinton playbook. Donate to your own charity which then does good by providing you with 5-star travel and accommodations for the rest of your life.

Rod said...

I've inquired about this & determined that where we vote, absentee/early ballots may be cast beginning six weeks before Election Day 2020. IE 22 September; 245 days from now. It's just a little over eight months to render OUR humble decisions.

Pat Cummings said...

@Fish Out of Water: I got served that ad too. Wonder if the (presumably) left(er)-leaning lady is getting any boost from AOC to run against Mitch? Note: I have no idea who she is, or whether this is a primary or Senate-seat battle.

@Stilt; @igor: There is another requirement: You must know where significant bodies are buried. And you know how that information is acquired: bury them yourself!

@Snark: As long as the Senate is occupied with this trial, there are no federal judges being confirmed, and no legislation being considered in the upper house. It's not just Demns being kept from the campaign trail or from tanking up on post-legislative cocktails—or prevented from strewing prime-time sound bites. (Not that "prime-time" means that much any more.)

Colby Muenster said...

I'd like to interrupt this extremely humorous blog with a moment of extreme seriousness. Please donate (heavily I might add - it's tax exempt) to the Colby Muenster Foundation. The funds will go to a very worthy cause... I promise.

But in actual seriousness...

WOW! That come out of nowhere! What a total surprise!

WOW! That come out of nowhere! What a total surprise!

Dems wanting witnesses... Bring 'em on I say. I just hope McConnell goes tit for tat on this one, and not, the Dems get to call 47, and we get to call 2. They want Bolton? OK, we get Biden.

Shelly said...

I do not want any witnesses in this sham of a debacle trial. The only reason Dims want them is to prolong this exasperating nonsense for as long as they can because they all know it's going to end up with an acquittal. To convict they would need 20 Republicans to betray the president. This will not happen and everyone knows it. However, if the four squishes in the Republican caucus vote to hear more nonsense, I sincerely hope it backfires on all of those jerks, much like when Humpty Dumpty Nadler insisted on Mueller testifying on TV. Big mistake.

Sortahwitte said...

I am so sorry to mention it, but, when you hint that moochelle is a woman I throw up just a little in my mouth. "It" is eligible to join the Men's Ball and Pole Club. The same with the witch that came from arkansas. Instead of jumping into a prezzy race, she should jump through a trap door on a hanging scaffold. Just a joke! Hah hah!

@Colby. Your foundation has jumped the top of the list of places to give my money.
As a side note, I don't give money to foundations.

DougM said...

"Becoming… a Woman"

Valvenator said...

Honestly I still can't figure out if Bolton's 'stache is growing under his nose or from it.

Dan said...

So, some folks want the Bidens to be called. Some others want Bolton. And others want others.

Doesn't the Senate have the authority to convene investigations? When this silliness is over, will the Senate convene investigations regarding all the stuff in Ukraine?

Why do I think there won't be investigations?

Regnad Kcin said...

The "Turtle" has the required votes to nix the additional witlesses the 'turds are demanding. Game over this weekend. Former "Glorious Leader" is married to the Mochelle beast which in my book is a fitting cross for him to bear. I'll bet she makes him wear Depends and a droll bib when they swap fluids. Swillary says she's "feeling the urge". My answer to this sensation is for her to face plant her head in a bucket of stewed prunes and inhale deeply. Those cheek implants of hers could really pack a load. BTW, what's up with Willy Jeff ? Haven't heard from him as of late. Wonder if he's holed up on one of Epstein's islands in the Gulf with some nubile young maidens and a barrel of Viagra.......

Jess said...

If they're not contributing to their own foundation, someone in their family is getting a commission on election duties. Some call this corruption, but in the capitol, it's called a job.

TMay said...

What I find interesting is that so few people refer to the $1.8 billion US taxpayer guaranteed dollars given to Ukraine by the US that went missing along with the president of Burisma after VP Biden stopped the investigation by the prosecutor in Ukraine, in a blatant quid pro quo on videotape, Burisma being the company that paid Hunter Biden a $million a year. They think the Burisma president may be in Switzerland. To me the missing fortune gives a rationale for Trump to pause before he gives another $billion US taxpayer guaranteed money to Ukraine to a new leader of Ukraine.
Also European countries had warned Trump that Ukraine was corrupt on the record, and Trump was worried about burden - sharing, and Schiff had exculpatory evidence in writing of emails between Trump and Laura Cooper where Trump had asked her whether European countries had paid their share, and she had checked one country at a time and emailed him back a "yes" for each country after she had enquired and got a confirmation from the country, and when all the countries were ticked off, Trump signed off on Ukraine getting the funds, 19 days before the deadline. So Schiff and the Democrats did not have to mindread to know what was on Trump's mind. So the investigations started by the Democrat party spent over $40 million taxpayer dollars and took 3.5 years of Trump's first term and the Democrats paid nothing, and they are still not stopping, and they got their opposition research done on the taxpayer dime. I wonder along with others if the Democrat party leaders' idea was to take up the Senate's time with investigations and hearings to draw them away from confirming judges. The whole thing has been a nothing burger. The hateful in America are now the firmest group of voters that the Democrat party can rely on. As Larry Klayman stated about the impeachment of President Trump
"In the style of Woody Allen, this is a mockery of a travesty of a sham of a mockery of a sham!"