Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Allahu Toy Store!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hijab, barbie, islam, san bernardino, terror, olympics, willeford

With the holiday season hurtling toward us, many concerned parents are already wondering "what is the most meaningful toy, in a social justice sense, that I can buy for my young cisgen daughter or transgender son?"

And the answer, of course, is Mattel's exciting new hijab Barbie!

The doll is part of Mattel's "Shero" line, which introduces dolls based on actual women who accomplished newsworthy things in America. Like this gal!

"And my boyfriend is...uh...Ken."
No, no - just kidding. Mattel wouldn't base a doll on the hajib-wearing woman who killed 14 and wounded 22 in San Bernardino. Like many on the Left, they probably just forgot that the little-reported terror attack ever happened!

Which is why the doll is actually modeled on Ibtihaj Muhammad, the first American to wear a hijab and win a medal in the Olympics. Granted, she won it for sword fighting, and the hijab just might have scared the hell out of her opponents...but still, a great victory for our nation and multiculturalism in general!

But as long as Mattel is in the mood to celebrate newsmakers, we'd like to make another suggestion for a great boy's toy! We're thinking of an action figure of Stephen Willeford, the brave NRA instructor who stood his ground and shot the crap out of the maniacal killer who had just exited a small, bloodsoaked Texas church...then chased the fleeing (and bleeding) SOB until, realizing there was no escape, the killer blew his own brains out.

Now there's a toy which could actually inspire some important social lessons and interesting dinner time talk. Not that there are no such lessons attached to hijab Barbie - after all she's demonstrating her American freedom to wear a head covering which declares that, even here, she is still neither free nor equal in the eyes of her faith.


Keith said...

Is there a headless Ken in the works?

Mike aka Proof said...

So...Barbie now comes in 72 versions?

Unknown said...

Oh, Barbie. What has this world come to? Is this new doll, ahem, genitally mutilated? What? Not authentic? Where is that huge blue bag with the mesh see-through for the face? Just a plain old black babushka??

What are they thinking?

Gee Miller said...

Having lived short periods of my misspent life in Islamoland, I find this entirely appropriate...along with Hijab Barbie.

If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
You may be a Muslim

2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You may be a Muslim

3. If you have more wives than teeth.
You may be a Muslim

4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
You may be a Muslim

5. If you think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6.If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You may be a Muslim

7. If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a Muslim

8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You may be a Muslim

9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You may be a Muslim

Gee M said...

A little Stilton-type humor...

Regnad Kcin said...

If you think a deuce and a half truck loaded with a 5,ooo lb. fuel/air explosive device is appropriate way of celebrating Ramadan, you may be Mussie..........

Jim Irre said...

This is how you upstage Jeff Foxworthy! Well done!

John T said...

Every girl should have one! Boys can have up to four as long as they treat them equally.

NaCly Dog said...

Ibtihaj Muhammad was defeated in the second round based on her individual skills. No medal.

She was part of a team that got a Bronze Medal in Team Saber. Like the punk who coasts to third place in a medley, carried by her teammates.

Not impressed.

But whatever floats Barbie's boat.

Judi King said...

Is it true? This PC insanity has now spilled over into children's toys? Unbelievable.

Fred Ciampi said...

I'm waiting for a Ken doll that represents a homeless combat veteran. Now that would be something that mattel would never do because it ain't PfC!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Elbarto said...

Looks like Hijab Barbie's friends had a chance to meet Mattel's new Jihadi Ken.

tfhr said...

The (inflatable) Human Trafficking Barbie® cannot be far behind.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Keith- I think that goes without saying.

@Mike aka Proof- That's quite possibly the line of the day!

@S.B. Sweeney- It's something of a conundrum; how can the doll be anatomically correct when the actual girls aren't allowed to be? And I assume that fun-loving kids can buy their new Barbie a full on Burqa. Bonus - you can also use it as a little body bag for GI Joe!

@Gee Miller- That reads like Jeff Foxworthy's final routine (funny stuff).

@Regnad Kcin- There's no sin involved as long as the driver didn't eat lunch.

@John T- Not necessarily "well," but "equally."

@NaCly Dog- See, I didn't know that. I once worked on a TV show that landed an Emmy for sound design. Virtually everyone on the show - myself included - lined up to get our picture taken holding that Emmy for possible resume use. But did Mattel make dolls of us? They did not.

@Geoff King- I wish I could say never, but I wouldn't bet on it.

@Judi King- Yes, this is a true story. And PC has been wildly active in children's toys and entertainment for years.

@Fred Ciampi- The doll you describe comes with a cardboard sign, but you have to pay extra for a sidewalk grate for him to sleep on.

@jpb252- Remember girls, when Jihadi Ken ask you to "give me head," he's not just talking like Bill Clinton.

@tfhr- And how about 4 year old "Baby Barbie" that comes in a wedding dress?

Mindless Blather said...

Get yours today at your local *GoatHumpers 'R' Us* !!!

BUT WAIT !!! ...

For just the extra shipping & handling fee you can ALSO get -

Aloha Snackbar Ken !!
Ken comes complete with beard, sabre, suicide vest AND
a goat.

JCK said...

NBC probably mentioned a hundred times (no exaggeration) that Ibtihaj Muhammad was the first American Olympic woman to wear a head scarf in competition. Virtually no mention that she did not receive an individual medal and only a bronze team medal.

At the same Olympic Games, Kim Rhode became the first person EVER, man or woman, to win medals in SIX consecutive Olympic Summer Games including three gold medals, and NBC made virtually no mention of her accomplishments.

What was the root of such a chilling rebuke of Kim? Her sport is trap and skeet shooting. Perhaps NBC did not want to glamorize the use of what they consider to be an “assault rifle.”

Fritzchen said...

Here's some accessories: Dynamite vest (batteries not included), butcher knife (in case the sword isn't enough) and gasoline for her old "flame", Ken

Gee M said...

People...I am in the company of funny guys...appropriate for this deep "Stilton wisdom" website which, along with the sick humor of Johnny Optimism (lol...punny!) carries on the tradition of Walt Kelly's Pogo and Kurtzman's MAD.

( ya'll say "a hunnert a'tham thangs" and "it tumped over" ?)

Phil D Basket said...

A free Koran with every purchase. Bullets and explosives are sold separately!

John the Econ said...

Well, you have to admit that for those who have complained over recent decades that Barbie could dress a bit more modestly, it is an improvement. And damn, my fellow fans here have already posted the witty rejoinders I would have added had I arrived here a bit earlier.

But you really can't blame Mattel, which has been struggling of late, to be looking to the future. And as Mark Steyn frequently points out, the future belongs to those who bother to show up for it:

Why These Millennials Are Choosing to Be Sterilized in Their 20s

"Katelin, from Philadelphia, is absolutely certain she doesn't want children. No way. Not a chance in hell. "I honestly don't like kids—they're germ-y and annoying and gross," the 19-year-old explains. What's different for Katelin is she's so sure kids are off the table she's considering sterilization."

When you see a picture of Katelin, you will probably agree that sterilization is for the best. It's hard to picture a father who'd be attracted enough to her to stick around very long, if at all.

But that begs the question: If millennials as a whole eschew parenthood at a greater rate than the boomers and X-ers did, what will the following generation be like? Because I'm willing to bet that hijab Barbie will be having a lot of kids, whether she wants them or not.

Pete (Detroit) said...

O/T, but I tripped over this, over at Pookie's Toons, too funny not to share...
"Safe Spaces"..

Pookie's Toons..

Shelly said...

Your phrase in the email regarding "the necessity of hiding your hair so that your evil "sex rays" don't enflame the loins of good men," absolutely cracked me up. I don't know why but those head coverings absolutely infuriate me. First, it shows their absolute subjugation to men and lack of freedom and it's just downright stupid.

Colby Muenster said...

Crimony. I don't know what is more asinine, the fact that Mattel feels the need to do this PC crap to little kids, or the moonbat parents that will actually buy this garbage for their kids, hoping to "broaden their horizons." "Here, Moonbeam... this awesome toy will teach you to be tolerant and coexist with people of all religions!" All religions but Christianity and Judaism that is. But I digress.

So many awesome posts today, and I'm betting Geoff King's question will (sadly) be answered soon if it hasn't already.

@John the Econ,
I'm all on board for millennials deciding to not procreate, but you nailed it. The radical islamists are busy banging out kids (i.e. bomb vest robots) as fast as they can. Does Mattel's new Barbie have a permanent baby bump?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mindless Blather- Call now, operatives are waiting!

@JCK- BOOM! Great point!

@Fritz Brohn- See, it's the "extras" where Mattel really makes the money.

@Gee M- With the exception of my father, I can't think of two greater influences on my sense of humor than Pogo and Mad (back in the day). Come to think of it, if I throw in Warner Brothers cartoons, I think we've got 90% of my sense of humor covered.

@Phil D Basket- I believe you can also buy a toy rental truck for additional fun.

@John the Econ- Excellent point. There is a demographic bomb in America, the fuse is sizzling, and nothing is going to stop it. Culturally speaking, the traditional base of America just isn't keeping up in the reproduction department, while other groups are spawning like grunion. I'm no white supremacist, but I would like to see America's traditional values survive the transition to a very different demographic mix. (Spoiler alert: I don't think it will happen)

@Pete (Detroit)- Bonus points to the band for rhyming "safe spaces" with "racist" and almost making it work!

@Shelly- I wish I was simply making up that nonsense instead of paraphrasing it, but that's the whole idea: the sex rays given off by women's hair can drive good men into wild states of sexual lust - at which point the woman, not the guy, is responsible for whatever happens next.

And I'll admit that I'm pretty used to seeing hajibs these days (it would be a rare trip to the supermarket when I didn't). But I still get a very negative reaction to encountering women in full burqas, with only a mesh screen where their eyes should be. To me, it's like someone wearing a sandwich board sign that says "screw your American values."

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's fair to denigrate Hijab Barbie over her less than stellar performance with the fencing foil and the sabre. Bet she would've Gold-Medaled if they would've included the scimitar. Just sayin.....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Had the weapon been a scimitar, by the end of the competition she would have been head and shoulders above everyone else.

Gee M said...

Oww! My sides hurt...stop it! :)

graylady said...

Or the regular kitchen butcher knife.

Rod said...

At John the Econ: Holy crap! I looked at the photo of "Katelin of Philadelphia" and now think MY sperm count is dropping. Let her do what she wants; it seems to be a fine idea.

Valvenator said...

Are the bigwigs at Mattel asking for a stoning or beheading? They left the face uncovered. An insult to islam. Way to go guys.

Bill the Cat said...


Geoff King said...

How about a "Transgender Potato Head" type doll with interchangable genitals, breasts, and androgynous clothing?

American Cowboy said...

John the Econ said...When you see a picture of Katelin, you will probably agree that sterilization is for the best.

If Heeler Dog was THAT fugly I would shave his ass and make him walk backwards. But really, sterilizing something like that is a pretty good idea...

Colby Muenster said...

I showed the picture of Katelin from Philly to my 7 year old grandson, and he said, "Eeew... she looks gross and annoying. And I'll bet she has cooties. I'm glad she's not MY mom."

But sadly, there are no doubt some people out there who find her/him/it very attractive, like other him/her/its who also place shock value above silly endeavors like working and contributing positively to society.

John the Econ said...

Seeing how we've already beaten the topic of Hijab Barbie, (which is totally okay, btw) has anyone else noticed the shift in the force over the last 72 hours or so?

What I am speaking of is the sudden wave of apologia-apologia from Democrats in Progressive publications, like The Atlantic and Vox:

Bill Clinton: A Reckoning

Bill Clinton should have resigned

So, after nearly two decades, only now is it officially safe for Progressives to publicly criticize Bill Clinton. Of course, it's way too little way too late. The only reason it can happen now is because the age of the Clintons as the power brokers for the Democrats came to screeching halt a year ago, and because in this sudden age of misogyny re-awareness in Hollywood and Washington, the Clintons are nothing but a liability to the Democrats. Especially now that some on the right have grown some balls and are forcefully applying Alinsky Rule #4 against the Democrats; "Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules." After all, it's really not possible for Democrats to make credible cries for Roy Moore to withdraw from his race for the Senate while continuing to accept the Clintons in their company. You really can't be taken the least bit seriously when you proclaim that "Every woman deserves to be believed" when you simultaneously ignore the cries of women like Kathleen Willey, Paula Jones and Juanita Broaddrick.

I've long argued that it was the Clintons that inoculated Donald Trump from any electoral consequences for his "locker room talk" misogyny. Even the Clinton campaign was at least somewhat aware of this problem.

So now that the dust has settled in the wake of 2016, many Democrats are coming to the realization that their former unwavering support for the Clintons is now a total liability. Hillary has made it clear that she is not simply going to go away. The longer she stays, the closer the midterms and 2020 get while more people awaken to how awful these people really are and want nothing more to do with them. The Donna Brazile book was just the first salvo.

So don't be too impressed by this sudden moral awakening. It's only happening now that there's absolutely no cost of doing so and because they know that the cost of not doing so will be continued time in the wilderness and a possible if not likely 2nd Trump turn. This only would have been "principled, bold and brave" had it happened in 1998 or almost any time before November 2017.

Oh, and while Democrats are attempting to be high-and-mighty over Roy Moore, another formerly untouchable toucher is unwittingly brought before the spotlight:

Senator Al Franken Kissed and Groped Me Without My Consent, And There’s Nothing Funny About It

Alinsky Rule #4 is a bitch, Democrats. As long as you're willing to play, we are.

Gee M said...

Yahoo! Good onya Demotards!
Sacre Merde! 'Bout time some Dems got some testicles (besides Moochelle) and only decades later!