Monday, November 6, 2017
It's Good To Be King
The so-called "JFK Files" recently released for public consumption haven't done much for conspiracy theorists who were hoping to find out how deeply Lyndon Johnson, the CIA, Woody Harrelson's father, and the Illuminati were involved in the Presidential assassination.
But the reading isn't all boring as, for some reason, the FBI reports on Martin Luther King Jr's alleged sexual escapades in considerable detail.
Mind you, the FBI was very interested in taking down King at the time, as his talent for social disruption (which was good in this case) can't be overstated. And so we can't say for certain what in the report is or isn't true. Which won't keep us from looking at the "good parts" and wiggling our eyebrows like a licentious Groucho Marx (which may be redundant).
For instance, the report claims that folksinger Joan Baez was one of King's many extra-marital conquests, and further suggests that the civil rights icon was given to orgies, and enjoyed "unnatural" and "abnormal" sex.
Describing the hijinks at a ministerial workshop, the report says"several Negro and white prostitutes were brought in from the Miami area. An all-night sex orgy was held with these prostitutes and some of the delegates in attendance." Additionally, "one room had a large table in it which was filled with whiskey. The two Negro prostitutes were paid $50 to put on a sex show for the entertainment of the guests. A variety of sex acts deviating from the normal were observed."
Obviously, we should all be offended by the outdated language in the report which is no longer socially acceptable. Oh, not the "negro" part - at least until the NAACP changes its name. No, we meant the parts which described any sexual act as unnatural or abnormal, which certainly doesn't square with current liberal attitudes about creatively and wantonly sticking things where nature didn't expect (or design) them to go.
In the age of Bill Clinton using Monica for a humidor, Harvey Weinstein giving a potted plant a pearl necklace, and Lena Dunham filling her sister's wahootie with gravel, we're experiencing a little nostalgia for times when some things were still considered perverse.
Put another way, even if the accusations against King are true (and we're not sure they are) we're betting he never did anything that you can't currently see on a popular HBO series.
Perhaps it's time our culture started showing more interest in mountain tops than mountin' anything that moves.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM