Ups and Downs

You've got to give it to Joe Biden - when he falls down he gets right back up and explains to the officer who tackled him that he was only checking the little girl for head lice. And isn't that the kind of fighting spirit we need right now?

Apparently, there are still people who think so.  Joe is already back on the campaign trail, alternately shouting and whispering whatever is on his teleprompters. Among the claims he's making is that his debate performance actually won over more independent voters than Trump got. And oddly enough, it's true.

Or at least, true-ish. Newsweek, which we didn't know existed anymore, trumpeted the headline "Undecided Voters Say They Now Support Joe Biden After Debate" and it's being tweeted by the Biden-Harris team. But Not The Bee, the funny, truth-telling partner website of The Babylon Bee pulled back the curtain on the story. Newsweek was citing a single poll of just 12 (count 'em!) undecided voters who were not native English speakers. No, really. They couldn't understand anything either candidate said during the debate so just read subtitles in Spanish, and God only knows what was being written there:

Trump: I'll execute all the Hispanic men and rape their wives and daughters.
Biden: I'll give them each a million dollars and make siesta time longer.

At the time of this writing, Joe Biden is sequestered at Camp David with Dr. Jill, discussing with advisors whether he should stay in the race or be released on a nice farm where he can wander to his heart's content and frolic and be happy. 

Or at least, that's the story the party bosses will tell the kids...

No Mo "Fo Mo" Fo Joe

The first, and quite possibly only, presidential debate for 2024 is over and there was an indisputable winner: the Democrats.

Not because Old Joe did well, because he certainly didn't. The man basically sh*t the bed on live TV. He lacked energy, had a weak and hoarse voice, and mumbled, stammered, and mangled words and ideas, all while staring blankly into space. Trump, on the other hand, radiated vitality and confidence and showed a surprising amount of control and restraint. Well, for Trump.

So brutal was the difference between candidates that even the panel of talking heads on CNN couldn't put a positive spin on it and instead unanimously agreed that Joe has to be dropped from the top of the ticket. Which was, of course, the plan all along and is why this was a huge victory for the Democrat machine.

It's been clear that Joe was refusing to step down on his own and equally clear that he was likely to be demolished in the general election. And so the Powers That Be decided to put Joe onstage to be publicly humiliated so that he can be replaced with a new candidate who might stand a chance against Trump.

Personally, I wish this wasn't the case. Joe would have been relatively easy to beat absent massive fraud. Now the door is open for an Obama-like candidate to magically appear with hazy credentials (that won't be scrutinized by the press) and meaningless slogans ("In the fierce urgency of now, WE are who we've been waiting for") that will be swooned over by the media and the dimwitted woke. 

Or maybe a hoary (in every sense) old warhorse like Hillary will suddenly be anointed. Either way, despite his impressive debate performance, it looks like the race just got significantly harder for Trump.

All The Whirled's Onstage

With only a few days to go before the much-anticipated Trump/Biden debate, Team Biden has leaked that Old Joe is going to show up with a few surprises, including a surprise about his physical performance. Which is the nice way of saying he'll be filled to the eyeballs with amphetamines and street meth. Still, one can't help but be impressed with his performance in this new campaign ad...
(Note: videos may take a few seconds to load after you click on them)

Seems legit. Unlike this detestable "cheap fake" video that someone (not me, God knows) made to mock Biden for his reflexive, despicably racist statement "if you have a problem figuring out if you're for me or Trump, then you ain't Black." Nice stereotyping and use of a patronizing "ain't," Joe. Although considering that Trump is making historic inroads with Black voters, I suppose this video could be a real Biden ad...