Grammy Can You Hear Me?

Today will be a different kind of post, owing in no small part to the fact that at the time we're writing this, Trump hasn't yet delivered his State of the Union speech, nor have the rioting and molotov cocktails throwing started. Both of which, by the way, we're actually expecting from the Democrats in the joint session.

So let us instead turn our attention to the Grammy's, an exclusively liberal self-congratulatory awards show which a long, long time ago was about music, but is now about hip-hop celebrities, ho's, n-words, and such over-processed, homogenized pop music that you'd expect it to be released on the Gerber label.

And then, there's these guys (who were nowhere near the Grammy's) doing a pulse-racing cover of "Long Time" by Boston...

Pretty awesome, right? Well, not in the opinion of alleged news source The Daily Beast, which sneeringly declares the band to be "terrible," not so much because of their musicianship, but because the band is (CAUTION: Trigger Warning!) openly conservative and Christian. Horrors!

But wait - it gets better! This is the Jay Sekulow Band, and if the name "Jay Sekulow" sounds vaguely familiar to you it should: he's one of President Trump's high-profile personal lawyers!

And seriously, how great is it that Trump has a lawyer who kicks rock'n'roll ass?!  Compared to Hillary Clinton's lawyers who spend all their free time trying to come up with schemes to steal milk money from starving Haitian orphans.

If you want to hear more of this band's great music - AND show them some support - just head over to their Facebook page and "like" the page.

Alternately you can drift over to Youtube and find oodles of classic covers like Suite Judy Blue Eyes, Jesus Is Just Alright, Hold Your Head Up, Mother Freedom, Midnight Rider, The Weight and lots more. Better still, you'll also find their original tunes like "Undemocratic," which roasts the Left, the Washington swamp, and gives a special shout out to sleaze-weasel IRS employee Lois Lerner...

All of this raises hopes for us that next year the Jay Sekulow Band will be the opener for the State of the Union speech, performing before the entire slack-jawed joint assembly (and yes, there should absolutely be a laser show and some pyrotechnics).

Failing that, perhaps the President might order the Grammy's to establish a new category of awards for music which doesn't denigrate our country, denigrate our values, or just flat out suck.

Stand-Up State of the Union

In further budget cut news, Trump has already whittled Obama's 57 states down to just 50.

Okay, we don't really expect President Trump to deliver a State of the Union address anything like this...but we couldn't help treating ourselves to a moment or two of pleasant fantasy. 

And no matter what he says, it's safe to assume that both the Democrats and mainstream media will react as if Trump had proposed a publicly funded 24-hour kitten-skinning cable channel.

To show how serious they are about their opposition to Trump, the Democrats will be running a rebuttal speech in which the latest Kennedy spawn will criticize giving political control to wealthy families. Maxine Waters will also be delivering a rebuttal in which she criticizes political power being in the hands of the mentally unstable. In other words, Democrats have no understanding whatsoever of "irony."

Weepy former comedian Jimmy "Obamacare Saved My Baby" Kimmel will be doing a review of the speech on his show, capably aided by porn star (and possible Trump paramour) Stormy Daniels who presumably has some things she wants to get off her surgically inflated chest.

All in all, we're expecting a very entertaining night of television.

BONUS: EYE DO

Yesterday marked the 35th anniversary or so of the Jarlsbergs entering into matrimonial bliss. The happy occasion was unmarred by the fact that Mrs. J has decided to start seeing other people.

Oh, not romantically. We mean she wants to literally see people - which is why she's going under the knife today for cataract surgery. Afterwards, she'll be wearing an eye patch for awhile and no doubt experiencing some minor discomfort from all the pirate jokes she'll be subjected to.

Which reminds us of the following old chestnut...

The new cabin boy on a pirate ship stared in awe at the Captain of the vessel - a formidable looking rascal with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a skull and crossbones eyepatch.

"How did you lose your leg, sir?" the boy asked.
"Cannonball blew it off," growled the pirate Captain.
"And how did you lose your hand?"
"Sword fight," was the snarled reply.
"And please, sir - how did you lose your eye?" asked the boy.
"I looked up one day and got seagull poop in it," the Captain answered.
Puzzled, the boy said, "That shouldn't make you lose an eye."
"Well," sighed the Pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."

Stubborn as a Mueller

Just to be safe, better do his thumbs too.

President Trump has stated that he's willing to be put under oath to answer questions from special investigator Robert Mueller regarding Russian collusion, potential obstruction of justice, and the whereabouts of the kidnapped Lindberg baby. And, as good ideas go, we'd say this sure as blazes isn't one.

Let us be clear: we don't think Trump is guilty of diddly-squat, nor do we think he's a liar in the (ahem) traditional sense of the word. That being said, we believe the likelihood of his committing perjury under oath to be way over 100%.

This is owing to Trump's unique tendency to believe that anything which comes out of his mouth is true, no matter whether or not it intersects with "reality" in any way.

Take, for one of a million examples, his assertion that he "watched in Jersey City, N.J., where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as the World Trade Center collapsed (on 9/11)." We have no doubt that Trump is telling the truth as he remembers it...but it never happened.

Or more recently when he threatened James Comey with his super-secret White House recordings of private conversations between the two men...which subsequently proved not to exist.

Trump is a showman, a raconteur, a salesman, a serial embellisher, and the owner of a Tourette's style mouth which blurts out anything - and we mean anything - that flits through his mind. We're not even sure his brain is telling his mouth what to say, or whether his brain just likes to listen to his mouth as if it were a favorite talk radio station.

Considering the mounting evidence that the whole Comey/Mueller/FBI/Russia circus was intended to do nothing other than frame Trump and throw him out of office, we think having him say anything under oath is likely to go badly indeed.

Still, if he does go through with this, we'd like to make two suggestions. First, the President should remember that the words "to the best of my recollection" are his new best friends.

And second, at the same session, put Mueller under oath too and let Trump ask him questions about why he chose anti-American conspiracists for his so-called investigative team.