Deja Virtue

If you found yourself having difficulty buying your overpriced addictive drug of choice yesterday, it was likely because 8000 Starbucks locations had closed for the day in order to help their employees learn not to be KKK-loving bigots who have trouble differentiating between a latte and a lynching.

Or at least, that's pretty much the implication when a major corporation feels the need to take (and promote) such drastic actions. They're practically screaming "Mea Culpa," although can't actually do so because using Latin in front of people who've had only a poor public education is also considered racist and non-egalitarian and sexist if a blond says "what?"

But in complete candor, we find much that is admirable about the training Starbucks is paying for. Not because it will do any more good than hanging up a sign with The Golden Rule in every location, but rather because we have such appreciation for the con-artists who are teaching the baristas how to deal with their unconscious bias. By definition, it will be impossible to see results - which is the tastiest scam we've heard since the idea of charging $7 for a cup of java.

The "unconscious racial bias" instructors might as well be charging each location $2000 to scare away invisible tigers. Can anyone prove their services aren't working? And is the web domain for InvisibleTigersBegone.com still available?

Of course, the real purpose of the training isn't to aid race relations. Rather, it's a very expensive bit of well publicized virtue signaling intended to showcase the idea that Starbucks is absolutely, positively, not racist when it comes to overcharging suckers for coffee.

At least, not consciously.

Carnies have feelings too, you bastards.

BONUS: ABC-ING YOU!

Well that didn't take long. ABC has abruptly cancelled the new "Roseanne" series owing to an allegedly racist tweet sent by the show's star.

The tweet in question suggested that Valerie Jarrett, Obama's Iranian-born puppet master, was the offspring of the "Muslim Brotherhood and the Planet of the Apes"...

Was it a stupid and tasteless joke? Sure. But was it really reason enough to cancel a successful TV series, especially with Barr quickly offering an apology? We don't think so.

Rather, we think ABC was relieved to be able to dump the show in part because it was successful. And they were further tickled to be able to slap the "racist" label on this "pro-Trump" show which wasn't so much pro-Trump (the show was still overwhelmingly liberal) as it was pro-working class. A class which the liberal Left doesn't really like to get noticed, as the plight of America's working families so clearly reflects the cruel impact of the Democrats' countless political failures.

Personally, we thought the show was okay-ish...and it was the only network show we'd watched in years. If Starbucks was running the network, we presume that Roseanne might have gotten scolded for unconscious racial bias instead of canned.

But then, that wouldn't allow ABC to label all of the show's fans and all of Trump's supporters as racists, would it?

Playing the Brace Card

During our restorative week off, there was certainly no lack of interesting news. Topping the list were the continuing revelations that our nation's corrupt, out-of-control intelligence agencies were pretty much all involved in a deep and dirty conspiracy to keep Donald Trump from being elected, and that the swamp dwellers didn't really worry about getting caught because they assumed the Queen of the Swamp would soon be President and would quietly bury their misdeeds as tidily as she'd buried Vince Foster and Seth Rich.

But just who the hell was this woman these agencies were trying to put in charge? The mysteries around Hillary only continue to grow...

Recently, people have been wondering why Mrs. Clinton is showing up for hot weather events wearing thick pantsuits, coats, and an omnipresent scarf which occasionally blows aside to reveal some sort of odd structure under her clothing. Odder, even, than her actual body.

The speculation is that it's a back brace...but from what circumstance, and why would she hide it? Then again, Hillary wasn't exactly forthcoming about her post-Benghazi brain trauma and loss of memory, her use of prismatic glasses, her recent need for a therapeutic boot, or having her arm in a cast after taking an alleged slip (or sip?) in the bathtub.

Oh sure, she could just be coquettish about the fact that her aging body is falling apart, but we can't help but wonder if it's something more sinister than that. What if Hillary is being rebuilt, piece by piece, to become a cyborg capable of being a shrill and annoying presence in future elections for the rest of eternity?!

Oh sure, it seems far-fetched, but this week we also saw the Left-leaning media celebrating when they thought North Korea wouldn't negotiate on nuclear disarmament, and top Democrats celebrating the beautiful "spark of divinity" in the bosom of every vicious MS-13 killer and rapist.

Is Robo-Hillary harder to believe than that? We think not.

KEYNOTE UNDRESS

Some stories are just too dumb for us to ignore. As a case in point, West Hollywood just presented their "Key to the City" to porn actress Stormy Daniels for her great community service in screwing married men and violating non-disclosure agreements.

Of course, that's not what they said she was being honored for. Rather, it was for her tremendous leadership in the "resist" movement (even though she didn't "resist" and never has unless she was worried that the check wouldn't clear) and for "speaking truth to power," which makes us wonder what the hell "truth" they're talking about. This is hardly a Wikileaks type situation, although Ms. Daniels should get full credit for kicking off the new phenomenon of Dikileaks.

We'd say more, but we have a sudden urge to go register a new domain name.

LAST...BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

Today is Memorial Day. A special day of remembrance and appreciation for the countless men and women who have given their lives in the service of our country.

Their sacrifice deserves much more than the petty political bickering which cheapens our national discourse and casts a shadow over our values. In memory of these heroes, let us all try to be of service to our country and countrymen, in ways both big and small.

It's an important way to say "thank you" on this day...and every other.

Ketchup Week

"Honey! I'm gonna need another bottle!"

We're taking the week off to play catch up (and to give you a break from what would otherwise have been a week of health complaints related to getting old and/or random Earwig cartoons).

Of course, if something really exciting happens in the news ("Hillary Arrested - Not Likely To See Daylight Ever Again") we'll jump back into the mix and will notify everyone on the email list that there's fresh non-condiment content here.

Otherwise, we'll see you here next Monday...or in the comments section, which is always open for business as usual!    -Stilton

PS:

We got there early Saturday morning to avoid crowds, then no one else showed up.
Frankly, we don't see why this was supposed to be such a big deal.