Slay Your Prayers

Nancy Pelosi has announced that she is both heartbroken and prayerful about her decision to aggressively move forward with impeachment, a serious process which, we're fairly certain, requires the House Speaker to fellate Satan. Which probably won't be a party for either of them.

If you think that analysis lacks subtlety, all we can say is: "get used to it." This is going to be, by design, a long and stultifying nightmare in which the Deep State uses every dirty trick imaginable to get rid of Donald Trump. And frankly, Stilton's Place is not anxious to spend the coming weeks and months wading through this fetid quagmire and calling out all the lies (and trust us, their name will be Legion).

All we can say for now is that we hope the Trump administration will fight back, and fight back hard. Like, Armageddon hard. Because this is now as pure a clash between good and evil as we're likely to see in our lifetimes. And, if we lose, the last such clash to ever be seen in this nation.

FROM THE VAULT: EASTERN DOUBLE STANDARD TIME

(Originally published June 14, 2019)

Schiff Faced

There's a lot more truth in the attached cartoon than there was in the entirety of Democrat Adam Schiff's televised inquisition yesterday of Acting Director of National Intelligence, Joseph Maguire.

So eager was Schiff to give some momentum to the "impeach Trump" movement, he made an opening statement which was wall to wall lies of the most extreme type. And this while knowing full well the actual contents of President Trump's phone call to Ukraine's President (after Trump released an unredacted transcript) and the less-than-impressive "whistleblower's" complaint.

Here is the relevant portion of Schiff's opening statement. We will mark the utter, outright, and unforgivable lies - soon to be re-broadcast over and over on every mainstream news outlet - in red:

"The President’s response — well, it reads like a classic organized crime shake down. In essence, what the President Trump communicates is this: We’ve been very good to your country. Very good. No other country has done as much as we have. But you know what, I don’t see much reciprocity here. You know what I mean? I hear what you want. I have a favor I want from you though. And I’m going to say this only seven times, so you better listen good. I want you to make up dirt on my political opponent, understand? Lots of dirt, on this and on that. I’m going to put you in touch with people, and not just any people. I’m going to put you in touch with the Attorney General of the United States — my Attorney General, Bill Barr — he’s got the whole weight of American law enforcement behind him. And I’m going to put you in touch with Rudy, you’re going to love him. Trust me. You know what I’m asking, so I’m only going to say this a few more times, in a few more ways. And don’t call me again. I’ll call you when you’ve done what I asked."

Schiff had to make this garbage up and lie about it because the actual transcript contained nothing like this and suggested no wrongdoing whatsoever.

So outrageous were Schiff's lies that when others called him out on it, he reluctantly conceded that his paraphrasing of Trump's phone call might be considered "something of a parody." A PARODY?! In the prosecution's opening statement looking into only the fourth impeachment in our nation's history?! No, Adam, you weren't trying to make a joke...you were trying to get away with murder, albeit of the political kind.

In complete honesty, the recent impeachment-crazy news cycle has hit the Jarlsberg household hard and is causing us to do some serious thinking about our self-defense rights under the 2nd Amendment. That's not a road we enjoy going down.

The Left is throwing out any semblance of honesty or Constitutional process and has essentially declared war on Trump, his supporters, our economy, and our system of elections. We believe that the Trump administration needs to respond in kind- albeit legally, responsibly, quickly, and with unrelenting strength.

We have already seen one high-level coup attempt on this Presidency go unpunished. It must not happen a second time.

Call Waiting

With all of the hot air currently circulating in Washington, it's a wonder that little Greta "How Dare You!" Thunberg isn't calling for a mass extinction of politicians before the icecaps melt.

There is feverish talk among Democrats of impeaching the President for the heinous and totally unacceptable sin of making a phone call to Ukraine's leader which they don't really know the contents of, but they're pretty sure must be treasonous because an anonymous whistleblower who hasn't heard the actual call says so. Plus, and this can't be overstated, Orange Man bad.

It is believed that during the phone call, Donald Trump asked the Ukrainians to look into allegations that Vice President Biden, while in office, improperly used governmental power and funds to force Ukraine to end a corruption investigation of the company that employed (by which we mean "stuffed his well-connected pockets with money") Biden's drug-using, widowed sister-in-law-banging son, Hunter.

By the way, these "allegations" were raised by Joe Biden himself, who actually bragged about his wrongdoing on camera. Because he is an idiot.

In any event, the Democrats want to impeach Trump for investigating Biden's self-admitted corruption, and they're hanging their hopes on the mysterious phone call reported by a "whistleblower." And they've been making a lot of theater out of the fact that the call's contents were "secret."

However Trump, being Trump, is releasing an unredacted transcript of the call in question today just to clear the air and, more importantly, screw with everyone's minds.

Where all of this will end up, we have no idea - but it's not unlikely that when the smoke clears, Trump will still be standing, Joe Biden will be forced out of the Presidential race, and Greta Thunberg will be blissfully forgotten.

LEFTOVERS...

Sometimes we have more than one possible way to go with a picture. Here's the one that came in second today...

"Wasn't he the boss on the Mary Tyler Moore Show?"