Season's Grievings

Giving America a sneak preview of the upbeat, optimistic approach he intends to bring to the White House, Joe Biden recently gave a holiday address in which he said "Our darkest days in the battle against Covid are ahead of us."

Considering that President Trump has already gotten multiple vaccines to market impossibly quickly, and has mobilized logistical teams which are currently delivering inoculations on an unprecedented scale, we can only assume that Joe's pessimism is related to self-awareness that he's about to screw everything up, ably assisted by the charlatans and commies in his administration.

But as grim as 2021 is shaping up to be, at least 2020 won't be here to torture us much longer. Although anything can still happen...

And there's a recorded message warning that the "Shitter's full"

BONUS: KWANZAA HARRIS

Joe Biden wasn't the only one with a holiday message this week. Kamala Harris also posted about how very, very, very important Kwanzaa has always been to her Jamaican/Indian family while she was growing up in Canada...

This would have happened about when she was "that little girl" Joe Biden was trying to keep out of white schools.

Of course, we do appreciate the many sacred traditions associated with Kwanzaa. Like, for instance, revisiting past blog posts about it...

Monday Dec 28, 2015

Your taax dollaars aat work.

As a surefire cure for the post-Christmas blues, if Kwanzaa didn't exist it would have to be invented. Which, come to think of it, it was - back in 1966 by a radical professor of African Studies in (surprise!) California. The 7-day holiday begins on December 26th which, by long tradition, is the day that a lot of candy and gifts are marked down to half-price.

Unlike other year-end holidays, there is no religious or historic significance to Kwanzaa. Rather it is a celebration of African heritage, ethnicity and, judging by the "seven principles," the flagrant overuse of vowels.

While some might feel that a week-long holiday devoted exclusively to race is insensitive and exclusionary, keep in mind that there is precedent in the white community, which celebrates a months-long holiday called "Nascar."

And whatever your complexion, Kwanzaa can be a time of warmth and nostalgia, filled with wonderful holiday traditions and memories. Hearing Bing Crosby sing Nguzo Saba, watching "How the Grinch Stole Odu Ifa," or just settling in with a cup of hot cocoa to watch Jimmy Stewart in the classic "It's a Wonderful Walimwengu."

All of this and more is surely happening right now in Hawaii ("The Least Christmas-y State") as America's first family celebrates the holiday by spending millions of dollars on golf, parties, trips to the beach, golf, dining in 5-star restaurants, golf, shopping, playing "pin the tail on the Secret Service agent," golf, and the solemn traditional lighting of the seven Kwanzaa candles (which, by executive order, can now be replaced with Swisher Sweet cigars in honor of Saint Michael Brown).

Enjoy your holiday, Mr. president! And, from the bottom of our hearts, don't hurry back.

The traditional "Hands up, Don't shoot" candle holder

Merry Christmas 2020

Remember, a picture of Busty Ross is a lot like a Red Ryder BB gun - if you're not careful, you'll put your eye out! 

Merry Christmas to the whole big community/family that is Stilton's Place!

The Grift That Keeps On Giving

It's a good thing that it's better to give than to receive, because it looks like actual taxpayers are giving a LOT more money than those negatively impacted by the pandemic are going to receive. 

As always, the powerbrokers in Washington have packed a long-delayed (to rob Donald Trump of any pre-election credit) Covid relief bill with copious amounts of pork projects which have nothing whatsoever to do with public health or the pandemic. They do, however, bring home the bacon for a wide variety of special interests:

• $453 million to Ukraine (maybe hiring Hunter Biden was a good investment after all!)
• $10 million for "gender programs" in Pakistan.
• $1.3 billion to Egypt
• $700 million for Sudan
• $130 million for Nepal
• $4 billion for Navy weapons procurement, $2 billion for the Space Force, and another $2 billion for
  Air Force missiles (in fairness, all of this sounds WAY more effective than Purell).
• $208 million to upgrade the Census Bureau's computer systems (perhaps with Dominion software
  to help "accurately count" the number of people who'll need new Democrat representatives).
• $40 million goes to the Kennedy Center (presumably to fill the currently unused space with hospital
   beds and ventilators.)
• $193 million for federal HIV/AIDS workers to buy cars and insurance overseas
• Funding for a new museum offering programming, education, and exhibitions on "the lift, art, history,
  and culture of women." (Hopefully with a full wing devoted to the women of The View, and security
  guards to keep them from escaping)
• Funding for education measures to teach consumers not to store portable fuel containers for flammable
  liquids near an open flame. Hey, who knew that bucket of gasoline by the fireplace was a bad idea?
• And much, much more...

Even though the bill is allocating a total of $900 billion, all of those pork projects really add up. So how much is left for the poor workaday bastards (like you!) who've seen their jobs and businesses disappear, their savings erode, their kids turned away from schools, and suffered through nine months of home incarceration (with more to come)? Howzabout a one-time check for 600 smackaroos?!

What's that you say? $600 amounts to a fart in a hurricane and isn't enough to pay the bills? Well, Congress agrees! Which is why they're sending checks for up to $1800 to illegal aliens. A bit of news which is made ironic by the fact that the politicians have surely played this joke just to enjoy the look on our faces, but at a time when our increasingly haggard faces are still covered by makeshift masks.

BONUS: RAND PAUL'S 2020 FESTIVUS REPORT

If you enjoy reading about huge piles of taxpayer money being set aflame, then look no farther than Senator Rand Paul's "2020 Festivus Report" which lists the nearly unending (but highly creative) way the government wasted our dollars this year. Or follow this link for the PDF and print out copies to give as last-minute Christmas gifts to anyone who enjoys comedy and/or dystopian fiction!

There's a $36 million study on why stress makes hair turn grey. $217 million to give federal employees duplicate Medicare customer service access. A $2 million study on whether or not hot tubbing can lower stress. And $900,000 to give cigarettes to adolescent kids.

Howzabout $38 million to fight school truancy among Filipino youth? $30 thousand (a relative bargain) to stage plays in Mumbai. And $48 million to help disconnected Tunisian youth feel good about themselves (yeah, becoming a millionaire will do that).

But wait, there's more! Lizards on treadmills! Developing a headset that watches what you eat! Insect ranching! Spraying alcoholic rats with bobcat urine (incidentally, the same treatment used to occasionally dry out Teddy Kennedy back in the day)! And $10 million wasted on COVID test tubes that turned out to be useless soda bottles!

Frankly, it's factual material like this that makes us believe that satire is nearly impossible anymore. Although now we're seriously thinking about applying for a $5 million government grant to test our theory.