Scaling Back Expectations

Joe Biden's CDC has acted quickly and decisively to prevent a possible nationwide outbreak of optimism about our odds of surviving Covid-19.

Oh sure, there are millions of vaccinations being given every day, 73% of seniors (the most vulnerable population) have had at least one injection, and new studies are showing that even a single injection may be 80% effective at preventing serious illness. Statistics which could easily lull the simple-minded into having a sense of hope.

But in a highly emotional briefing on Monday, Dr. Rochelle Walensky, the highly emotional CDC chief, choked back tears while describing her feelings of "impending doom." Because damn it, that's the kind of useful, pragmatic advice that America expects from a powerful, highly-paid government official of the female persuasion! And if she happens to sense "impending doom" at about this time every month, well, who are we to judge? After all, you can't spell "premonitions" without PMS.

Mind you, there are legitimate reasons to worry about how Covid variants will affect the efficacy of the current generation of vaccines, but that hardly seems a reason to cast a thick cloud of gloom over everyone. Unless optimism really is the scourge that the Biden administration is trying to eliminate. Which makes sense - after all, when people become less worried about the pandemic, they may be more inclined to ask uncomfortable questions about all the money and power grabs the Democrats are making in the name of a Covid-19 wildfire.

For the record, the pandemic isn't over and common sense (remember that?) safety measures should still be used. But dread and despondency aren't going to help, even though the CDC still seems incapable of delivering much else.

BONUS: FOILED AGAIN

Can You Tell Me How To Guilt To Sesame Street?

The ever-popular children's show Sesame Street has added two new muppets, 5-year-old Wes and his father Elijah, to help teach the "ABC's of Racial Literacy" and racism in general. The move represents a growing trend in children's programming to teach that the color of someone's skin is really, really, really important. Which, sadly, is becoming truer every day. 

Sesame Street already had some muppets reflecting "people of color," which is a pretty hilarious descriptor in a world where everyone already sports a different neon-bright color of the rainbow. Although to be fair, now toddlers with white privilege can see with their own eyes that "people of color" have brown skin and bright orange and purple noses. 

The young muppets belong to the "Power of We" Club in which they learn how to become "upstanders" for racial justice, no matter what shop windows stand in their way.

And it would appear that Sesame Street's new racial awareness initiative is already shaping the worldview of those who watch every day. Like, say, Joe Biden...

In his dazed and halting comments to the press recently, Joe Biden declared that Republican initiatives to bring an iota of integrity to federal elections were so freakingly racist that "they make Jim Crow look like...Jim Eagle!"

Which would probably be a really powerful thing to say if anyone knew who the hell "Jim Eagle" is. We assume that he's a racist bird (not to be confused with the racist Byrd, a former Democrat Senator and Ku Klux Klan "Exalted Cyclops") who is even more racist than murderous, lynching Jim Crow, but presumably not as racist as genocidal Nazi bastard Jim California Condor.

And speaking of racism, since suddenly there are no other topics, we again reflect on the tragic wave of hate-crimes sweeping our nation... 

With the next syllable out of this guy's mouth, he's going to get his ass kicked so thoroughly that he'll feel like he took a wrong turn on the highway and ended up stranded on Sesame Street after midnight.

Seriously, if you're white and find yourself in a situation like this, you'd do better to fake a sudden heart attack and hope that the Human Resources director calls an ambulance for you to escape in.

Of course, there's always the risk that the Human Resources director might try to use a portable defibrillator on you...but if they were smart enough to pull that off without killing you, they probably wouldn't have to be working in human resources.

Something To Chew On

Proving once again that satire has become redundant, a symposium on empowerment for women is being co-chaired by Kamala "What Can Brown Do For You?" Harris and Bill "Keep Your Eye On The Cigar" Clinton. No comment is necessary nor, in the case of VP Harris, possible.

And speaking of Willies...

Yes, Biden really said that he can't imagine a single thing a man can do that a woman can't do as well or better. Which makes us wonder why he's wasting time pushing transgendered men into women's sports instead of just abolishing women's sports. If they can compete equally (or excel) then there shouldn't be men's or women's sports...just "sports." Of course, mandated diversity on every playing field might raise a few problems...

BONUS: IF IT AIN'T WOKE, DON'T FIX IT

And for breakfast they have Pup-tarts

For reasons we can't begin to fathom, former comic and talkshow host Jay Leno has come forward unbidden to flagellate himself for insensitive anti-Asian jokes he's made in the past about Koreans eating dogs. It was apparently a horrible, unfunny, unfair, ugly racial stereotype that Jay should never, ever have joked about.

As opposed to being an untrue stereotype. Because for about 1 in 6 people in South Korea, getting exercise has nothing to do with wokking their dog.

And every breed is a "chow."