Earwigs: Hairy Situation

"Get back, Jojo"

Welcome to another edition of Earwigs, the unique feature which says "Stilton looked at the news and wanted no part of it today."

If we were going to mock politics today, we'd probably go with CNN's weekend-long hysteria claiming that alleged reporter Jim Acosta's actual life was in jeopardy while reporting from a recent Trump rally. Indeed, some CNN "journalists" are saying that the government needs to provide them with 24/7 Secret Service protection to thwart the murderous intentions of Trump's followers.

And just how was Acosta's life put in danger at the rally? Specifically, while he was trying to lie into a microphone, grinning Trump supporters stood on the other side of a flimsy metal barricade and chanted "CNN sucks!"

We're pretty sure that the Supreme Court would be quick to invoke the "Sticks n' Stones" precedent in finding that no actual harm was done to Acosta, nor was he being threatened in any conceivable manner.

They would also likely call him a wuss and add that, in their considered judgment, CNN actually does suck.

To Rush With Love

"No matter how much you might want to."

We're not about to let the 30th anniversary of the Rush Limbaugh Show go by without a proper show of respect, admiration, and affection for the greatest radio personality, and one of the most vital political minds, of our times.

There is quite simply no one else like Rush. His insights, analysis, humor and optimism are completely off the charts - and the fact that the Left is utterly baffled by him only adds to our delight. Remember when Al Franken and Janeane Garofalo launched "Air America Radio" hoping to create a liberal version of the Limbaugh magic? Their efforts were nightmarishly uninformative and unfunny, and they stunk up the airwaves so badly that the entire network collapsed.

But Rush goes on and on, coming into our homes and workplaces with an intimacy that makes him into much more than a celebrity entertainer. He's become a friend, a mentor, and a calming voice in decidedly non-calming times. Much like the late Paul Harvey, Rush Limbaugh is an American institution in the very best sense of the term.

Not that we always held him in such high regard. When Limbaugh's show first came to WBAP in Dallas, we tuned in only because he was said to be an absolute wild man, saying crazy things for sane people to laugh at. His was a freak show, like the old Joe Pyne broadcasts.

And so we tuned in to laugh...and laugh we did. But to our surprise, not at Rush but rather with him. Rather than wacky rants and diatribes, El Rushbo was speaking common sense at a time when sense wasn't common in the least. He made sense of the world and the news in a way we hadn't experienced before...and soon we were hooked.

Without exception, the people who say they hate Rush are people who have never seriously listened to his show objectively for a few days. They're afraid to, for the best of all possible reasons: he'll change their minds. And the average Leftist would rather go on being wrong forever rather than admit they've been duped.

It's no exaggeration to say that without Rush Limbaugh, neither "Hope n' Change" nor "Stilton's Place" would ever have happened. 

So thank you, Mr. Limbaugh, and here's hoping that the next 30 years will be as much fun as the first 30 have been!

BONUS: BARACK TO THE FUTILE

The most hilarious news story of the day relates to the fact that Barack Hussein Obama, allegedly a past president, is taking to the campaign trail once again to stump for Democrats in the upcoming midterm elections.

Barry is quick to insult President Trump, but we've noticed that he pretty much has nothing to say regarding how things were better in any conceivable way during his nightmarish two term reign. Quite the contrary; the things which Donald Trump has accomplished with relative ease were declared absolutely impossible by the Obama administration. And in fairness, those accomplishments were impossible for an anti-capitalist anti-American.

Almost undeniably, the secret to Donald Trump's spectacular success has simply been not being Barack Obama. The economy booms, jobs take off, and other nations - friends and foes - no longer have the mindset that America can be pushed around and taken advantage of.

As far as we're concerned, getting Barry back out in public is the best thing that could happen for the mid-term elections. Because to really appreciate the Trump revolution, we need constant reminders of how bad everything was under the annoying, insufferably vain poseur we were stuck with for eight wretched years.

Gray Heir

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader "Are you sure I'm not Sandra Day O'Connor?" Ginsburg thrilled Leftists this week with the announcement that, despite being older than actual dirt, she intends to remain a withered and frequently dozing member of the Supreme Court for another five years.

This presumes, of course, that the Kickstarter campaign she has created to pay for "a recirculating pump and a metric buttload of formaldehyde" will be successfully funded.

And while we may joke about Ginsburg's age, it's only fair to note that there's no reason that age alone should disqualify anyone from sitting on the Supreme Court. After all, the giant Galapagos tortoise can live over 100 years. The Greenland Shark can top 200 years. And the spiny Red Sea Urchin lives even longer. And any of these death-defying centenarian miracles of nature would be a better Justice than Ginsburg, who was making bad decisions long before the last of her neurons packed up their bags and retired to Florida.

Still, in this magical age of modern medicine, it's entirely possible that Ginsburg may be kept alive for another five years. Somehow...

"Best of all, he's your same size!"

This being the case it's entirely possible that we'll all have to suffer through another five years of Ginsburg's ideologically questionable rulings and her insistent (and highly questionable) belief that women's paychecks are less than those of men.

For the record, Stilton's Place believes strongly that both sexes should receive equal urnings...and we hope that Justice Ginsburg can take personal advantage of this egalitarian policy sooner rather than later.