Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Nuclear Mistletoe

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, christmas, mistletoe, sex, lefty lucy, clinton

Liberals are in a hyperventilating tizzy (but we repeat ourselves) over the latest horror from the Trump White House. Specifically, that mistletoe is being included in the official Christmas decorations, which could lead to a nightmarish spate of boob grabbing and unwanted kissing which hasn't been seen since Joe Biden left the Vice Presidency.

Mistletoe wasn't hung in the White House during the Obama administration, owing to the fact that the media kissed Barry's rear end so frequently that additional smooching just seemed like overkill. Plus, it clashed with the White House Kwanzaa decorations dedicated to Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumba, and Imani...perhaps because people at least knew what the hell mistletoe was.

Frankly, we doubt that hanging a few sprigs of mistletoe is likely to cause men in the White House to suddenly develop a yuletide "Franken sense" and start playing grab-ass with unwilling women. Although just to be safe, we'd recommend keeping Democrats and Hollywood lefties out of the White House until the holidays have passed.

AN EQUAL TIME REPLY... show that we actually take this issue very, very seriously.

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Since going to press with the cartoons above, we've learned that "Today" show host Matt Lauer has been fired from NBC for "inappropriate sexual behavior."

We don't know exactly what Lauer was accused of, but the fact that the name "Matt" is short for "Mattress" should probably not be overlooked.

And let's not forget the Halloween that Matt
showed up for work dressed as Jennifer Lopez...


Anonymous said...

Nice to see Lefty and Busty back again

Jim G. said...

So.....I just wanted to know if "Lefty Lucie" has big boobs? Because I could forgive a lot of her indiscretions if that was so.

Jim G.

Romano Cambozola said...

Lefty Lucy is a boob.

Jack Wiegman said...

Such a fine post! Thanks, Stilt.

Dastardly Dan said...

Lefty Lucy may have big boobs, but they'd be cold and hard.

Geoff King said...

Besides the beautiful White House decorations supervised by the beautiful First Lady, President Trump also recieved an early present from CNN. They have decided to boycott this friday's annual "Christmas Party for the Press".

Harry Hamid said...

I thought the White House decorations this year would be a bunch of snow globes that scream "Say Merry Christmas, daman it!" when wound up.

But, now that it's unlikely that Matt Lauer or Charlie Rose will be around for an interview, I suppose people might be safe with the mistletoe.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Nice to see them front again, too!

@Jim G.- That's really between you and your conscience (grin).

@Romano Cambozola- Well that goes without saying.

@Jack Wiegman- Glad you enjoyed it!

@Dan C- The "Venus de Milo" effect.

@Geoff King- I can't imagine they'll be missed. Plus, from the name of the party it was only for the Press - so they couldn't come anyway.

@Harry Hamid- Actually, the White House decorations are quite spectacular, though liberal news outlets are describing them as "looking like they came from a Stephen King movie."

Judi King said...

The name of the season is CHRISTmas so get over it libs. Trees, mistletoe, holly, etc. have all become part of the many traditions of the season, for whatever reasons, so, if people want to decorate with those items, so what? Even libs decorate, feast and give and get gifts, so enough of the hypocrisy and PC from them.

Doc said...


Anonymous said...

And Roy Moore leads by 5 points. I love that liberal smear campaigns have no effect on people.

Anonymous said...

"And Roy Moore leads by 5 points. I love that liberal smear campaigns have no effect on people."

Once you bring Gloria Allred into the picture, the narrative is blown. hahaha!!!

Tots said...

All of the reports of sexual harassment and misconduct make me very happy I work from home and don't have contact with my co-workers on a day to day basis outside of email.

Hopefully the witch hunts will die out soon and we can get back to normal(ish) behavior.

I'm also happy to see Ms. Ross back. A fine lady with love for America and a sense of humor.

oldvet1950 said...

I think I finally figured it out! Sexual harassment is UNWANTED sexual advances. That must mean the first one is a freebie to find out if it is unwanted! Seriously though, I think any sexual abuse, harassment, etc. that is not reported to authorities within 72 hours of occurrence must have been wanted!

John the Econ said...

Come on, Lucy. How old where you when Bill Clinton was President? I bet your parents didn't even have to explain to you how oral sex was not really sex, unless, of course, it involved you in any way.

Perhaps the whole mistletoe "outrage" is a product of Progressive projection. I haven't been keeping score over the last few months, but I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of sexual deviants with self-control issues who have been outed lately had a (D) after their names. Or perhaps they're scared that Mike Pence is wound so tight that walking through a mistletoe adorned doorway is all it will take for an explosion of an North Korean missile launch proportion.

Busty, please don't stop.

Anyone with "Matt Lauer" on their bingo card?

John the Econ said...

Garrison Keillor? Garrison Keillor? Who has Garrison Keillor on their card?

Stan da Man said...

Not Mr. Garrison!
Say it ain't SO!?!?!
That's like saying the guy who voices Elmo is a child molester!
Oh, wait...

@Anon - Am I the only one who thinks Gloria Allred looks like Mr.Bean in drag? (Not that there's anything wrong w/ that)

@John the Econ... Vintage (obviously) joke...
Chelsea is home on break from first year at college.
Hillary - Your Secret Service agent says you have a boyfriend?
>Yes, he's tall, thin, PoliSci major and he's very nice.
Not according to Daddy...

mindful webworker said...

"Franken sense" - heh. Good one.

Gee M said...

Just to clarify, the Garrison Keller referred to is the Prairie Home Companion Garrison, not the South Park Mr. Garrison, right? Mr.Hand and Mr Slave, the Christmas Carol singing Mr/Ms Garrison? Not him/her?

I always thought Gloria Allred WAS Roland Atkinson in drag...she isn't?!?!?

As for goofy Stuart/Al...not a lot of myrr-th with THIS Frankencense,eh?

And speaking of South Park...I can just imagine Sheila Brovlofski shouting "What? What? What?" with the sudden spate of "stricken with a conscience" revelations of sexual harrassment suddenly appearing in every day's headlines and seemingly against EVERY politician in Washington (but mostly (D)s) and their good buddies in Hollyweird.
I will NEVER EVER AGAIN try to hold any woman's hand or hug ANYONE male or female or even speak publically or privately to anyone.
As a matter of personal safety I am retiring to a secret cave on government land and will refuse any social intercourse with ANYONE living. So far there is no social consequence speaking to imaginary beings, although I can see the writing on the wall for that.
Oh my goodness... Does the phrase "social intercourse" offend anyone? Arrrgh!
Just shoot me now!

Sortahwitte said...

Are they still laughing at the VP for having a chaperone (his wife) when he meets other women? Face it. Men are pigs. I know, I've been one all my life. The people with whom you surround yourself make a very big difference in your life. Take the high road.

Whoopie said...

Rumor has it Matt Liar (er, Lauer) was a serial hiney pincher. As for Garrison Keilor, he says he was patting a female coworker on the back and his hand accidentally slid up under her shirt. Not sure how that happens. Keilor also invokes the irony defense. He said women posing for selfies with him often reached down and grabbed his ass, but he never complained.

Colby Muenster said...

This has to be driving the Liberals nuts. Democrat after Democrat are being outed for sexual misconduct, but for a long time, no Republicans. The other shoe WILL drop eventually, even if it's totally fabricated (i.e. Herman Cain).

I laughed my butt off when I read about the group of women converging on Franken's office demanding he come out and apologize. I had the mental picture of him hiding under his desk, demanding a female staffer to, "get rid of those b*tches!"

I may have unrealistic hopes, but will thoroughly enjoy the schadenfreude if Slick Willy finally gets his comeuppance while this harassment train is in full steam.

John the Econ said...

There are a lot of moving parts here, but I think a fair amount of it is revenge from hetero-feminists who have tired of being dispatched to the wilderness for the last 20 years, having expended all of their moral capital defending Bill Clinton. Personally, I can't blame them for being pissed.

Now that the dust from 2016 has settled, they're now looking at the midterms next year. The largest component has to be the realization that as long as the Democrats continue to support the pigs in their ranks, they have absolutely no way to touch Trump. The Clintons effectively inoculated Trump, so as long as they stay around everyone is reminded that whatever Trump may be accused of, (misogyny, Russia, corruption-in-general) Bill & Hillary were actually worse. Since the Clintons are now done power-wise, it's finally safe to jettison them. They'll be more than willing to sacrifice Franken & Conyers because they will only be replaced with fresh, better-vetted Democrats. So long-term cost is relatively low there. (The only Democrats they'll consider saving are those in contested districts) If I was a Democrat with a past in a safe district, I'd consider resigning soon because when the stuff hits the fan, the party won't be there to save me like it has been for all the others up until now.

So enjoy watching these pigs finally get their comeuppance, but don't expect that it will be all bad for the Democrats. Their target is still Trump. They're focused on regaining the House and Senate. They don't have an agenda that anybody is actually interested in, so they'll keep slinging anything and everything until they get something they think will stick and then try the impeachment route. Then they'll work over Pence. (Who is still apparently a bigger threat to women than Weinstien, Franken & Conyers combined)

commoncents said...

More Winning! The amazing Trump Bump stock rally in pictures

ps. would you consider adding CC to your blogroll?

Regnad Kcin said...

Now, it's become perfectly clear, the reason for Ms. Lauer's office door lock button under his desk.......

Joseph ET said...

Earwigs = Another bad hair day

Happy Birthday Mrs. J

I've been seeing that huge number of facilitates expected from the EMP attack. I always say that it's very overstated and reminds me of Al Gore and company. Some of this over statement is fear tactics and the hope for some to get a really generous research grant.

I wonder if mankind ever lived without electricity.

"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." Abraham Lincoln

They only need to fool some of the politicians.