Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Bomb-y Weather

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It is being reported that President Trump has, on more than one occasion, told his staffers to look into the possibility of dropping nuclear bombs on hurricanes to break them apart before reaching American shores. Trump, on the other hand, tweets: "This is so ridiculous, never happened. Fake news!"

Granted, the story is pretty suspicious, and bolstered only by statements like "there's reportedly a White House memo that proves it." On the other hand, can we imagine that Trump might have suggested bombing the living hell out of a weather phenomenon? Absolutely! And even though it would be a terrible, terrible idea, the 8-year-old that lives in our brain says: "yeah, but it would be so cool!"

Frankly, we don't think Trump ever really planned to bomb hurricanes. Rather, he was simply taking a tough position in order to bring hurricanes to the bargaining table.


We got an interesting email from a well-intended reader recently, who asked: "Just out of curiosity, who IS this guy that appears in your blog's background?"

Wait, what?! We'd never noticed that before, but sure enough if you open your browser window really wide and squint at the margin, there he is...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hitler, pareidolia

And it looks like our special mystery guest is...Hitler! Holy crap!

Okay, it isn't really Hitler. It's just a little stain spot on a grunge design which Blogger/Google offers free to users. But still...that's not exactly a good look for a conservative blog at a time when we're all being called Nazis. And what if Google deliberately inserted the subtle image in their most patriotic template knowing that conservatives would use it, and they could later be accused of spreading subliminal fascism and get a lifetime ban from the Internet?

Not willing to take the risk (and to distract from our attack of paranoia), we opened the HTML of the website to change the background and give Little Adolf the boot (or jackboot). This was, technically speaking, a huge mistake. Because we don't actually know doodly-squat about HTML and had soon managed to completely screw up the whole look of "Stilton's Place."

Every link we've included for the past few years disappeared. Text was suddenly an almost-invisible grey. Post Titles were bright blue. And the background color for posts was "blinding white." Not to mention that every alternative graphic background we tried (to replace the offending one) made us want to gouge our eyes out.

Happily, after about two hours of work (and by "work" we mean hundreds of random mouse clicks), we managed to put the site back together again. And we made an important journalistic decision: rather than try to remove a meaningless smudge that might offend someone or might be construed as dog whistle Nazism, we are leaving it on the page while formally and officially stating IT ISN'T FREAKING HITLER. Although the little spot next to it does look a little like Eva Braun.

By the way, that spot is actually a pretty interesting example of pareidolia, the fascinating tendency of the mind to take a vague stimulus and try to make it into something recognizable (and frequently a face). It's why we can take the completely random and meaningless and imagine we see spooky faces in wallpaper, animals in clouds, or - in the case of Democrats - presidential potential in any of their candidates.


Hooray! Thanks to the help of an anonymous reader (hey, stand up and take a bow!) we were able to change the background image enough to send Mr. H back to Argentina! Now if we could just do something to take all of those filthy, disturbing images out of the Rorshach inkblots...


Old Cannonballs said...

Actually, hurricanes are caused by hot air generated by the bloviating denizens of Foggy Bottom

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Oh, Godwin, here we go again...

Tell ya what, send me the wallpaper and I'll make the smudge look like Busty Ross skinnydipping.

Or the eye of a hurricane being nuked. ;-)

mamafrog said...

Uhhmmmm, hey Stltie, I'm not a computer person and you might get better help from someone who is but... Is your background like the type you use as a computer back drop? I mean, is it just an image you put up and build your article around. What I'm getting at is that my computer's backdrop is a beach scene. I keep a humongous copy of it saved as I've lost it several times in crashes and moving to a new computer. It's just your basic jpg or whatever file and you can open it in something like paint or whatever you use. If so, you can just go in and cover up that little "thing" and get rid of it, or blow it up bigger and mess up if you like, I'm not judging. This may not be helpful but figgered I'd throw it in the pot. I have a cold coming on (thanks to my sister whom I am going to have a discussion with tomorrow)and it may or may not make any sense. I'm going to take something to keep my symptoms from getting worse now and go to bed. Non-alcoholic, unfortunately, as I can't drink.

FlyBoy said...

Every time I look at Pete Buttigieg, I see Alfred E. Newman!

REM1875 said...

pareidolia ? Huh ? And here I thought those 12 plus years I spent looking out the window or looking for faces in desk tops or closet doors were a form of delusional insanity (a pleasant one I admit)
But to be honest later on in life I have actually used that skill unlike slide rules or Trig........
So now when people ask what I studied in school I can proudly say "Pareidolia" and leave it at that......Thanks Doc ...... (I am off to sit on the toilet and look for faces in the bathroom door ....... again.)

Geoff King said...

According to 9/11 conspiracy theorist Dr. Judy Woods, we have the technology to change the course of hurricanes.
On that fateful day hurricane Erin was headed straight for NYC, but just about the time the Twin Towers were hit it mysteriously did a 180 and headed back out to sea.
Her reasoning is that an energy beam weapon was actually used to bring the WTC down and this also caused the storm to change course. She does raise many other odd happenings associated with that unforgettable day that she says supports her theory.
I dunno, but I still to this day have a hard time swallowing the "Official Story".
Your Hitler background does not even appear on the mobile version of your blogsite.

Jim Irre said...

Yeah, Trump's gonna nuke a hurricane. And Hillary is gonna sit idly by and let the Democrats throw away another election! No way! She's gonna jump in at the last minute and make sure the job is done right!

Fish Out of Water said...

Hurricanes, bedbugs, whatever. It's all shit thrown by the running dog media enablers and abettors, of the twice-failed, vile, venal, serial patholigical liar democratic POTUS candidate, to see if anything can stick.

Rod said...

Damn, that was close. I was thinking "There goes my morning eye test".

james daily said...

If he really wanted to ensure that hurricanes did not hit Florida and associated states, he could create an island of mobile homes and drag it toward the East. A hurricane could not resist such an enticing target and would turn and wobble toward it thereby missing the Southern and East coast. Of course, the 'canes would still hit Haiti and Cuber and probably do about $87 bucks in damage.

Anonymous said...

Literally Hitler

Fred Ciampi said...

When I was in grade school in 1950 I remember reading about a plan to build a new Panama Canal by using nuclear bombs. The plan was to put a whole bunch of them in a line across good old Panama and ka-boom a nice new canal in an instant. But some scientist said that there would be too much radiation so the project was cancelled. But at least Panama would glow in the dark.

And in physics class in college, our professor speculated that the energy produced by a big fat (scientific term) hurricane would be equal to 35 Hiroshima sized nuclear devices going off every second. Sounds about right considering the damaged caused by your typical big fat hurricane.

And don't even get me started on the effects of 180 proof moonshine.

Anonymous said...

What's weird, is that if the image doesn't specify a width, it doesn't have that...
This section at around line 480...

body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5);}

@media (max-width: 200px) { body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5&options=w200);}}
@media (max-width: 400px) and (min-width: 201px) { body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5&options=w400);}}
@media (max-width: 800px) and (min-width: 401px) { body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5&options=w800);}}
@media (max-width: 1200px) and (min-width: 801px) { body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5&options=w1200);}}
/* Last tag covers anything over one higher than the previous max-size cap. */
@media (min-width: 1201px) { body {background-image:url(\/\/\/image?id=1mPhwS3qXdmgnD9zmefLZnSR3ju6SwXM9TWfOVrjsuooTCGyD31qfBUB82ZiNsNjTOHT5&options=w1600);}}

If you get rid of the &options-w??? part, it may dump that part of the image. Just loading
doesn't have that part????

Anonymous said...

Sorry, around line 420, not 480

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Old Cannonballs- Someone needs to do a study to see if the incidence of hurricanes falls when Congress isn't in session.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I have the technical ability to remove the spot, but I don't have the full image to work with. Blogger offers the background as a choice you can use, but doesn't let you download it to make alterations. I found one website that offers the image for $33, but that goes against my cheapskate nature. On the other hand, adding a skinnydipping Busty Ross might be worth that...

@mamafrog- The background IS just a regular jpeg...but it's a jpeg I don't have. It's on Google's server and I have no way to download it to fiddle with. And I can upload any image I want to be the background for the blog, but nothing looked good. Most designs were too distracting, and I definitely don't want to make the blog harder to read or look at. It's bad enough just asking people to put up with the news storys.

@FlyBoy- The resemblance is amazing!

@REM1875- Pareidolia is a cool word, and I think we all need to use it more often. It's also a cool phenomenon because it gives us insights into the way the brain works, always trying to reframe random data as some recognizable form. By the way, I made the word "Pareidolia" in the commentary a link, and if you click it you'll see some great and funny examples.

@Geoff King- I've got questions related to the 9/11 events, but I don't think "secret energy beam weapon (and hurricane diverter)" is going to answer them.

@Jim Irre- I haven't counted Hillary out yet. If the woman has a pulse, she still wants the White House.

@Fish Out of Water- I agree that the whole intent of the "bomb the hurricanes" story is to make Trump look like a doofus. But even if Trump DID ask about it, I don't care. Who among us might not at least ask if that was a possibility? The point is, he isn't actually bombing hurricanes and never will.

@Rod- Happily your vision is 20/20. Same as the date of Trump's reelection.

@james daily- FINALLY someone has an idea based on science! I salute you, sir.

@Anonymous- Hey, it's Google's image. It's just occupying my land.

@Fred Ciampi- I think I heard that plan to use nukes to make a canal. Terrible idea but, again, the "cool" factor would be off the charts. And you may be onto something with the idea of throwing 180 proof moonshine into a hurricane. It wouldn't stop it, but it sure wouldn't be able to travel in a straight line afterwards.

@Anonymous- Nice work grabbing all that code (even though I get seasick looking at it). After screwing things up once, I'm reluctant to mess with the actual code you're talking about, BUT you managed to locate the basic image so that I could download it! I may be able to fix the problem now (and as you say, the image doesn't even seem to have little Adolf in the first place). So a big THANK YOU!

Sally Jo said...

Are you sure you reader wasn't asking about the old guy on the drum??

Bob Singer said...

Thanks for turning a moment of confusion into a whole day of confusion and humor at the same time. After some image enhancement, I was actually able to determine that what you thought looked like Hitler was actually Commander Montgomery Scott of the USS Enterprise (not A-B-C-D-E-or F) watching to make sure your page functioned well in the seas of liberal tears you generate. I emailed you a copy of the enhanced since we can't incorporate images here.

Elbarto said...

How do you know it actually isn't Hitler? If the Blessed Virgin can appear on a tortilla, why can't Hitler appear as a smudge on your background?

Emmentaler "Minister of Silly Splots" LimburgerLimburger said...

Eeeeeeyeah, that... Doing a little research of my own, I found that the image is a licensed product - licensed by Google for their users' use; but otherwise available for sale. And that last bit is why the little face doesn't show up on the version you can download - it's not the whole image. You have to buy it to get that. Modifying the snip will likely open you up to all kinds of various and varied infringement buggery, but you can probably change the them to refer to that instead of the adolfy one...

I'd just tell everyone that it looks an awful lot like John Cleese. It does. Potential controversy averted through social engineering :)

Old 1811 said...

I know for a fact (saw it on TV, so it has to be true) that small conventional explosive devices can break up a sharknado, so why couldn't a big nuke break up a hurricane?
On the other hand, all that fallout swirling around probably wouldn't do anybody much good.

Dan said...

I tried, but couldn't find Hitler even though I spent a whole fifteen seconds looking.
Kinda like with Father Guido Sarducci's contest. I tried, but never could find the Pope in the pizza.

EB said...

Project Plowshare envisioned a lot of large scale civil engineering projects could be completed with a little help from "our friend, the atom." The shaped charges would have been designed to minimize fallout and subsequent cleanup activity. But then the atom stopped being our friend, or we realized it had never been our friend in 5he first place. New ports in Alaska and a wider, deeper Panama canal just sit there in our imagination as we try to figure out how to get rid of the waste we already have.

Bobo said...

...and Panama could be seen from deep, deep space, and then some

Bobo said...

What he said!!

John the Econ said...

Plastic straws: In fact, I'll go as far to argue that plastic straws actually are preventing hurricanes!

Mrs. Econ was not pleased with me a few weeks ago when I publicly corrected the dimmer side of her family on their parroting of Al Gore's assertion that "Global Warming", no, "Climate Change", no, now the "Climate Crisis" is resulting in more frequent and bigger storms when just a cursory look at the history of hurricanes over the last century shows that they are in fact becoming more tame and less frequent as atmospheric CO2 increases.

So what could possibly be the cause of this? Why not plastic straws? I propose that we build a consensus around this conclusion and get federal tax dollars involved. Unlike carbon emissions where the US cutting emissions would have no measurable effect when compared to the anticipated growth in emissions from China, India & Africa, we can make a difference in plastic ocean waste since we are currently contributing the least to it.

Speaking of Trump: I was pleased to see that Trump skipped the G7 climate summit the other day because he had more important things to do, probably like washing his hair.

Meanwhile, "The summit's host, French President Emmanuel Macron, gaveled the meeting to order anyway and launched into an explanation of a wrist watch made from recycled plastic."

After marveling at Macron's plastic watch, the remaining G7 leaders went on with their virtue signalling exercise while ignoring the fact that even though Trump pulled the US out of the Paris climate pact, like with the Kyoto agreement the US is the only country amongst the 7 that is likely to come anywhere close to meeting the pointless goals set by the accord.

I think this silliness exposes a very salient point: With the possible exception of the US, the members of the G7 are currently facing the realities of social and economic decline. Their cultures and economies are in serious trouble. But instead of facing those very real and difficult problems, they instead gather to commiserate over a "crisis" that only hypothetically exists in computer models, and think up ways to extract more money from their and our citizens to be diverted to their various pet causes, most of which have absolutely nothing to do with the climate.

In other words, this is all a perfect example of how "climate change" has become the universal excuse for Progressive social and economic policy failure while also being the excuse for more Progressive social and economic policy.

Kudos to Trump for knowing better than to participate with this kabuki theater.

Meanwhile, do you have enough popcorn stored up for CNN's live 7-hour climate change town hall with 2020 Democrats? Or like Trump will you have better things to do, like washing your hair for 7 hours?

Oh my gosh, I see Hitler! Well now it makes sense why I'm drawn to this site. It's not for the witty cartoons, salient commentary, or epigrammatic community. It's because my subconscious is drawn to Nazis.

But seriously, I see no reason why we can't replace that with a face of Busty Ross, or perhaps Milton Friedman. @Stilton, you know how to find me for suggestions how to do that.

Bobo said...

What about an underwater explosive detonation of a non-nuclear device just as the eye passes over it? The shockwave would go straight up into the eye like a sharp stick to a pig. That should make Mother Nature think twice about doing that again...IMHO.

Colby Muenster said...

You can take my plastic straw when you pry it out of my cold, dead fingers! Seriously though, we are all hopelessly addicted to plastic throwaway shit, and our landfills are bulging with it. But… banning straws in California is a drop in the bucket compared to the billions (?) of tons of plastic purposefully dumped directly into the ocean by countries like China. The Lefty Lucy’s of the world don’t seem to understand that we can revert to the stone age trying to be “green,” but there are billions of people across the planet that simply don’t give a shit because they are tasting capitalism for the first time in history.

That one had not occurred to me, but you are right! And, Joe Biden is a dead ringer for Walter. On top of that, every time he opens his mouth, I want to say, “Shut the hell up!” I take that back…. Keep on talking, Joe.

We used to have a wooden closet door with a section of wood grain that looked like Jesus holding his arms up. In retrospect, I should have contacted The Vatican and the press, and cashed in!

@Fred Ciampi,
I think we should revisit that Panama Canal idea, but perhaps test the theory elsewhere as to not harm Panamanians. I’d suggest we make a Tehran Canal for starters.

@John the Econ,
Macron has a plastic watch? Wow. Matches his plastic personality. But it’s recycled, right? That just means it cost more than a virgin plastic watch. It will still clog up a landfill one day.

Colby Muenster said...

Oh.... forgot.
@Geoff King,
Who knows? After all, George Bush steered Katrina directly at New Orleans, right?

NVRick said...

The suggestions for canal construction and hurricane diversion are things have thought about.
HOWEVER, in my scenario, I remembered the non-atomic MOAB that turned a mountain into a molehill.
I'm certain that the propeller heads could design a monster bomb that could have the directional ability to disrupt the vortex.

John the Econ said...

Filed under "Why is no one surprised?":

FBI studies two broken cameras outside cell where Epstein died

Not one, but "Two cameras that malfunctioned outside the jail cell where financier Jeffrey Epstein died as he awaited trial on sex-trafficking charges have been sent to an FBI crime lab for examination, a law enforcement source told Reuters."

The world's most predicted suicide, the most predicted lack of evidence thereof, and of course will be followed up by the most predicted investigation that will predictably come to the most predicted inconclusion.

DougM said...

When you have to dig that hard to uncover a Nazi connection,
it's mine furor

(yeah, sorry, but you started it)

Rod said...

And Comey skips prosecution. The system is rotten the core and out the other side.

Drew458 said...

I have no idea who your model is for Lefty Lucy, but I think she's rather cute.