Friday, January 10, 2020

Headline Noose

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, iran, impeachment, epstein, krugman

Yeah, it's that kind of a news cycle, with plenty of stories that just put us in a bad mood. Fortunately, there are also stories that we can genuinely celebrate, like Trump's clear victory over Iran and the reassertion of American power without the out-of-control escalation the media was clearly hoping for.

Other good news, since we so rarely report it here, includes the fact that the U.S. has just seen its largest ever single-year drop in the cancer death rate, which may or may not be due to the fact that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has just announced that she is "cancer free."

And how about the fact that the stock market is doing a happy dance following President Trump's measured remarks on the Iranian situation? That's definitely good news for the millions of Americans with retirement accounts.

Still, we've got to admit that the preponderance of "news" at the moment offers little that we can personally take cheer in...but there's a light on the horizon. On Monday, our local liquor store is having a 15% off sale on Clan MacGregor, making it roughly the same price as rubbing alcohol.

If that's not "glass half full" news, we don't know what is.


j said...

Just wanted to say thanks for all you do, and hope that you, your mouse, your computer thingie, your dancing legs, your daughter and all the rest of your fmaily, are doing better as time goes one. Cheers!,

REM1875 said...

So Klan MacGregor fixed you computer software problems ??? Amazing !!!

Clan MacGregor (the master of malt) has changed it's label and it has upgraded it web site .... so that sale is to polish off the old stock ....... Better get all ya can Stilton, rumor has it the new stuff has less formaldehyde and 27% less toxic chemicals and a reduced carcinogens but amazingly enough is still made with the kiln residue of 15 other Malts ???

They even now claim to have have won awards ???

REM1875 said...

So I dug out all military gear (mainly Viet Nam, Korea and WWII stuff we used when I was in up to the mid 1990s) and cleaned the guns, wiped the rust off the knives, mess gear and bayonets AND NOW THERE IS NO WAR !!! I was so upset I had to increase my oxygen concentration.

When am I ever going to learn to trust President Trump ??? He is playing 3d chess while his opponents are losing playing tic tac toe (using both the X and the O).......

Fortunately the demonRatz and their MSM wing (ministry of propaganda) can be counted on being entertaining in response (kinda in the same way folks used to entertain themselves visiting lunatic asylums ......back when we had them.) And they have not disappointed.
When oh when will we start taking our international policy advice from hollyweird stars who failed to graduate high school ???

And once again the greens have proved correct that pollution and temperatures (in some places) become elevated when you use arson to achieve your goals ???
But it's arson for a good cause and the ends justify the means ...... Riigghhtt ???

Regnad Kcin said...

Are talking about the 70% isopropyl or the 91% liniment ? And, don't forget to look into a bottle of Vitalis hair tonic. I heard it's up to 58 proof. Not only will it curl your toes, but at the same time it'll make your comb-over hide that receding hair line. Now that's multi-tasking.......

Fish Out of Water said...

As an old movie title (?) goes, something gotta give.

Rod said...

I had been out of touch so had to catch up on the Ricky Gervais Golden Globes monologue; that happened just as Stilton's computer broke down so we had mitigation, or was it collusion? Gervais was hilarious, and the indignation by many in the audience is priceless.

Winter strikes again here soon; but we're all snug and my lady has already stocked up for the NFL play-off games. Happy New Year so far.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Regnad: Vitalis? Haven't smelled that since the '60s! They still make it?

War Powers: I'm minded of the crack suicide squad from the "Judean People's Front"... "That'll show 'em, huh?"

Impeachment Articles: See War Powers.

Ukrainian Air: Anybody flying ANYWHERE over the Middle East is a damned fool at best.

Epstein: File under 'well, DUH."

Krugman: From Nobel Prize to short-eyes in zero flat. If it IS a frameup, couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Geoff King said...

I think the fact that Iran did not instantly blame the US for the downing of the Ukrainian airliner speaks volumes on how scared they are to piss off Trump.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm glad to hear hat RBG has beat back cancer. Because cancer sucks, no matter what your political leanings are. Too, I felt if it had killed her, Trump would be tempted to replace her before the election. We demanded Obama wait for the next president to choose because of his shelf status - we have to maintain same for our folks too. At least that is what Randolph Scott would have done ...

Good to hear stock market is not going Buckaroo Banzai over the Middle East. Iranians shooting down the plane certainly does not look good for their side. Doubling down the lie gives the world a clue on how they operate - Iran can not be trusted.

Fish Out of Water said...

Speaking of the stock market, got my latest IRA statement yesterday and while I'd have to go back and check where it was at while the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains Ga was POTUS, it has nearly doubled in value since the last time I remember its value. True, its paper money, but a 2020 campaign slogan might be, 'Is your 401k/IRA better off now than it was in 2026?'

Fish Out of Water said...

Oops, meant 2016.....🙇‍♂️

Kent Whitehead said...

Geoff- They didn't need to. Our media handled that.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@j- Thanks for the kind words and the hilariously accurate description of my life. Overall, everything's good on this end!

@REM1875- Actually, the 15% off sale is on ANY scotch at the store if you buy two or more bottles - I just happen to be a cheap bastard. I found the Clan MacGregor website you linked to pretty hilarious - especially the description of the subtleties of the flavor. NOSE: Distinctive sweetness, vanilla, malted, drying, hints of smoke. (ACTUAL: Burning nose hair)
TASTE: Rich, grainy sweetness, hints of dry smoke, baked apple, biscuity, smooth, malty, lingering. (ACTUAL: Nasty with hints of razor blade)
FINISH: Long, clean, delicate sweetness (ACTUAL: Coughing, gasping, "I'll be okay.")

@Regnad Kcin- Currently, my hairline "recedes" to the back of my head, so maybe my best use of Vitalis is as a mixer. I recently re-watched "The Andromeda Strain" and was reminded that in a pinch, "Squeeze" (Sterno) will do the job.

@Fish Out of Water- That's how it feels to me these days. The seams are being strained too far...

@Rod- I really enjoyed Gervais's monologue, but am surprised that people were...surprised. Those kind of (truthful) insults are exactly what Gervais does and should have been expected. Still, it was delicious to see him "take the piss out of them."

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Good points, all. And my best guess is that Krugman really wasn't downloading child porn, but simply fell for a fake pop-up ad or email which makes a false claim and then offers to fix it for money. Anyone else would have simply laughed it off, like an offer from a Nigerian prince, but Mr. Nobel Prize Winning Economist fell for it.

@Geoff King- I agree. Trump is a genuinely dangerous guy, and the Mullahs (or whoever the hell is running the show over there) don't know how to deal with him.

@Anonymous- My reference to RBG beating cancer was included with "good news" in an honest way. I wish her good health. She's now survived cancer four times, and that's damned impressive. Love her or not, she's a tough old bird!

And I agree that Iran is definitely wearing the "loser" label after their contretemps with Trump.

@Fish Out of Water- The stock market has basically gone nuts (in a good way) under Trump. Mind you, I was so afraid of Trump's erratic qualities that I sold a good bit of stock early in his administration...a mistake on my part. Still, other investments have done great. All of which is another reason I don't want Bernie or Liz Warren to come roaring into office with an eye on stealing my retirement funds.

@Kent Whitehead- True that.

Murphy(AZ) said...

Stilton: regarding your description of the taste of Clan MacGregor, ("Rich, grainy sweetness, hints of dry smoke, baked apple, biscuity, smooth, malty, lingering;") it sounds like the description of the sludge remaining at the bottom of an oven when you're cleaning it.

Anonymous said...

That Iranian general is in the witness protection program by now.
Along with the rest of them. (It's all part of "the deal.")

Did anybody actually WATCH the Apprentice?


TrickyRicky said...

Can't wait for the Ukrainian jet shoot down to be on an episode of Air Disasters, one of our favorite programs. Of course if the Iranians won't turn over the FDR and CVR, and are actually bulldozing the scene, the evidence will be pretty sparse for the investigators.

All joking aside, I mourn the innocent lives lost in this tragedy, the same as I did when the USS Vincennes shot down the Iranian jetliner three decades ago. And to mirror comments above, what the hell was a civilian plane doing in that airspace at that moment? Gross, gross negligence.

That the dims and media are blaming the US and our president for this tragedy tell you all you need to know about them.

John the Econ said...

Overall, it all looks like good news to me. TDS has pushed Democrats into going into the 2020 election on the side of terrorists. Impeachment was a dud, and if anything just solidified support for Trump. People are figuring out that the Iranian regime really is evil and that we really have been at war with Iran for the last 40 years and that the Obama Iran deal was insane if not outright traitorous. Nobody has been fooled by the Epstein murder, not that I expect anything to come of that. And we now know that the guy who gives economists a bad name in the pages of the New York Times has got kiddie porn pulsing through his personal network.

If that isn't "winning", I don't know what is.

Meanwhile as cancer rates drop, the New England Journal of Medicine has decided to go on the record stating that cooking and heating with natural gas is bad for us because of global warming.

Because Americans were so much healthier and living longer back when we were cooking over campfires and wood stoves a century ago.

Don't worry. The Green New Deal and socialized medicine will get those cancer survival rates down where they'd be more just.

Pat Cummings said...

Stilton, what's this "glass half full" zhit? Any glass worth pouring is worth pouring as full as you can while still being able to lift it without spillage!

Oh, wait! Cheaper alcohol, delirium tremens... Okay, that kinda explains itself.

@Anonymous: Randolph Scott!!?

Sortahwitte said...

I am learning so much about the fine points of great whiskey today. Correct me if I'm wrong but, when you throw back a shot of quality alcohol, shouldn't tears as big as horse turds roll down your cheeks toward the corners of your mouth? And then a voice from somewhere south of your belt buckle screams out: IT BURNS, IT BURNS!
That's why I stick to Coke Zero.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@ Pat: (Angelic chorus) RANDOLPH SCOTT!!!

Unknown said...

There are those who would argue that rubbing alcohol is more pleasing to the pallet and less "medicinal" than Scotch whiskies. See making of Scotch scene from "Mr. Roberts", vies a vie iodine.

Colby Muenster said...

Wasn't the Ukrainian airplane shot down by Donald Trump? Why is anybody trying to blame those purveyors of peace, the Iranians?

@Stilton and Pat Cummings,
Again, what is the "glass" device you speak of, and who cares if it's half full? We don't need no stinking glasses here in Dixie.

But seriously, our North Carolina ABC stores (yes, the gubmint owns ALL liquor stores here) carry a zillion different brands of cheap rotgut booze, but they don't carry Clan MacGregor. Can it be even worse than Old Overholt Rye Whiskey or Brother Bubba's Moonshine?

@M. Mitchell Marmel,
I trust you remove your cowboy hat and gaze reverently at the horizon when you utter those words!

Murphy(AZ) said...

Echoing off the mountains in the distance: "Randolph Scott! Randolph Scott! Randolph Scott!"

Imagine for a moment, if you will, a "sort-of" remake of Blazing Saddles situated in Washington D.C. and based generally on politics. Can you possibly imagine someone saying "You'd do it for Nancy Pelosi!"

Pass the Clan MacGregor, please.

Geoff King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Geoff King said...

Evidently due to Global Warming, we here in N. AZ. only received around 8 inches of snow last night just to cover the 6 or 8 inches already on the ground, and the temperature got up to a blistering 31F today.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Geoff: My wife and I live in Prescott, where the temp dropped to 24 last night. I have a feeling that you might live a bit farther north....say Flagstaff? We both have been fighting a vicious flu bug for the last week and have been hunkered down during that time. Catching up on old movies and California dystopia....We left there nine months ago and barely escaped the insanity.

Bruce Bleu said...

Geoff King, Lived in Pinetop, AZ for three years, until the end of this past July, at 7,385' elevation, and due to either the 90' ponderosa pines or the FACT that gloBULL warming is bovine scat we experienced a completely understandable 4 seasons. Back in Colorado now, where the climate comes as no surprise, and variations thereof are equally non-"climactic".

Geoff King said...

@Alfonso: Yes, I live in Flagstaff. Which, interestingly enough, is the 5th snowiest city above 50k population in the entire US - including Alaska.

Rod said...

We lived in Fairbanks, Alaska for 3 years in mid 1970s & you're right it doesn't snow so much there; however it does snow a lot more south of Alaska Range along the coasts. But when it snows in the Interior it tends to stay for long time, maybe until Spring. Snow gets so dry & "sandy" that it's often a construction material until spring, and with their frozen stable bases highways & roads are actually very good in deep winter. Rivers & wetlands can also be crossed (carefully) on ice or ice bridges; so one can actually go farther by vehicle in winter than in the rest of the year. Spring thaw is the mess. The Arctic is interesting.

Anonymous said...

I had the same problem as you.... nowadays "news" is purposely designed to make you angry, mad, ready to kill, outraged, and sick to your stomach from all the trump-hate and LIES!!!

Here are a couple of sites that will give you relief.... happy news, pro-trump news, and stuff that will make you LOL all day:

There is push-back out there from the demoncrats constant lies and hate-news. Just these three alone are the best so far but there are plenty more out there!