Friday, December 6, 2019

Throne for a Loop

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, impeachment, trump, pelosi, booker, crown, royalty, hair

There wasn't much to laugh about yesterday when Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi officially declared war on the 63 million Americans who voted for Donald Trump in the last election. She did so by making it clear that the House of Representatives will indeed vote to impeach the President, because - according to Nancy's tortured logic - it's the only way to prevent him from becoming King.

Which is why we enjoyed the delicious irony when Cory "Spartacus" Booker chose the same day to introduce the CROWN Act - a bill which would outlaw (wait for it!) race based hair discrimination.

Booker's "Create a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair" (CROWN) Act targets discrimination against hairstyles identified with a particular race, including specific hair textures (the word "kinky" will still be okay to describe fetishes but not follicles) and will protect styles such as "braids, twists or locs." Locs being, apparently, hair locks that are spelled without a "k" in order to stick it to The Man.

If the bill passes, no hair will ever again be forced to go to the back of the head, nor will bigoted bosses be able to ask certain employees why they have giant salad forks sticking out of their coiffures. Additionally, all hair can finally come out of the closet and enjoy full and equal rights without having to pretend to be "straight."

Unfortunately, Senator Booker's bill does nothing to comfort those of us whose hair is standing on end over the Democrats' reckless and lawless attempt to subvert the Constitution and overthrow the government.

But perhaps that can be rectified with a liberal (pun intended) application of Head & Shoulders...on a chopping block.


Of course, Jerry Nadler's fact-free impeachment inquiry is still barreling along. And yes, the excremental exclamation cited below (in panel one) is an actual quote. Keep it classy, Congressman.


Elbarto said...

Sideshow Bob heartily endorses the CROWN Act.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Hair today, goon tomorrow...

Jason Anyone said...

"Which is why we enjoyed the delicious irony when Cory "Spartacus" Booker chose the same day to introduce the CROWN Act - a bill which would outlaw (wait for it!) race based hair discrimination."

See? Who said they "can't walk and step in chewing gum at the same time"?

Happy Friday!

Jim G. said...

You said, "Yaps". Bwahahahaha!!

Geoff King said...

But..but..Cory Booker has no hair!
Sorry Cory, but the next time I see a purple Mohawk, I am still going to laugh.

Fish Out of Water said...
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Fish Out of Water said...
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Bobo the Hobo said...


“I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat”

Get a clue, Dems; more Americans are watching the Peloton parody than impeachment hearings. Fingers crossed those whose lives have improved will toss the American haters out of office.

Rod said...

YES... and wake up to how many good people still believe what they hear from the media, and/or do not plan to vote for Trump just because they think he's a jerk and/or they have accepted the well organized and well funded lies. It's not that I don't think Trump has been and can be an obnoxious jerk; but that doesn't matter to me as much as do this nation and it's intended form of government. I AM speaking up to others and that's how I sometimes surprisingly learn we still need to make a strong case against this invasion & attack from within.

This disgusting, ugly period and the strength to get through it are what's needed to effect real change in what our government has steadily become; especially as it has neared the tipping point over approximately 12 years since the first Obama/Biden/Clinton campaign and administration. This next year (IE: NOW) is the time to speak up and help make next November count. But be clear and careful to not give the opponents any free bait; WE must rise above that. Trump could be more careful about that; but maybe that's what gives him strength we've not seen in others.

Fish Out of Water said...

To expand upon your opening for today's post: Nancy Pelsoi and the torch and pitchfork carrying mindless mob behind her have just declared war on 63 million Americans.

They have declared war on 'flyover country'. They have declared war on the "deplorables". Have declared war on a booming, healthy economy that has given people jobs and dignity. They have declared war on all fossil fuels and how our lives depend on them. Have declared war on an America that chooses it own destiny for its own people; not an American that sings 'kumbaya' for a group of smug global elitists. And last, and most insidiously, they have declared war on any other form of political thought that deviates from their own.

Our general elections are now less than a year away. When you are in the polling booth, remember who the real enemies of our Republic are...

Fred Ciampi said...

Almost time to saddle up. Got to find my Number 9 oil (USMC types will get it). 'Nuff said.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Fred: You don't have to be one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children to love the smell of Hoppes #9 in the morning...or any old time! :D

Fred Ciampi said...

Makes good after shave lotion too.

Shelly said...

We need to get the gavel out of the hands of that power-mad harpy. She and her cohorts learned nothing from the 2016 election and doubled down on their own insanity. I voted for Trump with some trepidation because he was an unknown politically. The alternative was just too dangerous. But now he has proved himself and I will vote for him again with glee. There are many Americans like me and we are growing. We've watched people being attacked physically for wearing a red hat and other atrocities. We've watched this impeachment show and are alarmed at how many people think it's just fine. But I think we outnumber those idiots. If this sham of an impeachment goes to trial, I believe Nutty Nancy just signed her own death warrant, politically speaking, of course. I couldn't be happier than to see her shamed back to her gated mansion.

Snark said...

Kamala Harris asks "But how do you give shoulders....?"

Alej said...

The Democrat Party is the "safe place" for the lowest class of people who live in this country. Absence of voter qualifications will prove to be the terminal cancer of America.

Old 1811 said...

Will the CROWN Act make it illegal to outlaw hairnet requirements for food workers, or hair restrictions around machinery? What will happen when CROWN and OSHA collide? I can't wait. (Actually, I can. I really don't want Spartacus's stupid law to kill anyone.)

American Cowboy said...

I wonder what those 1,177 souls who lost their lives on the USS Arizona, or the rest of the 2,403 Americans killed and 1,143 wounded 78 years ago tomorrow would think about the way clowns like booker, or the treasonous manner the members of congress attempting to overturn the legal will of the people would feel if they were alive today to see the sorry state of affairs in this country?

I know I am one patriotic American who refuses to bow to the leftist anti-American agenda, and will defend my country against these domestic enemies by any and all legal means in this war on the citizenry now being waged openly by the left.

TrickyRicky said...

@Rod- Yes, very true and very underappreciated. I am shocked by how many right-leaning friends are still under the spell of the alphabet "news" organizations. The "I like the economy and the judicial picks, but DJT is such a bully" types need to be respectfully proselytized from now through November. Just because you think your friends and family are on board with MAGA, DO NOT become complacent and assume a favorable result in 2020. Remember how many fake votes we will have to overcome.

@Stilton- Head and Shoulders away!

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Ode to "Spartacus" Cory Booker and Eric Swalwell:

THE FARTER FROM SPARTA (author unknown):

There was a young fellow from Sparta,

A really magnificent farter,

On the strength of one bean 

He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"

And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,

His fart to suit any occasion.

He could fart like a flute, 

Like a lark, like a lute,

This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta...

His fart for no money would barter.

He could roar from his rear

Any scene from Shakespeare,

Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,

And fizzle a fine serenata.

He could play on his anus

The Coriolanus:

Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,

He could double-stop fart the Toccata,

He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-minor Mass, 

And in counterpoint: La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager

With an envious German named Bager,

He proceeded to fart

The complete oboe part 

Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz.

He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.

With a good dose of salts

He could whistle a waltz

Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare

He rendered quite often, with power to spare.

But his great work of art,

His fortissimo fart,

He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform,

The William Tell Overture Storm,

But naught could dishearten

Our spirited Spartan,

For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,

And he farted it through with a smile,

Then, feeling quite jolly,

He tried the finale,

Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit.

But it did not dismay him one bit,

Then, with ass thrown aloft

He suddenly coughed...

And collapsed in a shower of shit.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,

Where they buried the rest of our farter,

With a gravestone of turds

Inscribed with the words:

"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

Pat Cummings said...

@Geoff King: Time to turn tables on Booker: "How dare you presume to speak for those with 'natural' hair!"

And Jerry Nadler doesn't need to warn us. That pucker is designed to deliver shit, not take it...

John the Econ said...

My generation observation on law names: The more clever or cute it is, the more counter-productive or dumber it is.

Impeachment: The Democrats have boxed themselves in. Instead of the grand "Russian collusion" crime they were supposed to be impeaching Trump over, they now find themselves about to go to trial with a bunch of hearsay about Trump doing something that everyone already knows the Obama Administration actually did. At least the last time we went down this road, the Republicans had the blue dress.

But I have found an upside: Democrats who only months ago declared the idea of the "deep state" as nothing more than Republican paranoia porn are now showering gratitude upon it for saving America from the totalitarian urges of Donald Trump.

udaman said...

So, let me get this straight....a guy with no hair wants to pass a "hair discrimination bill" with the dual purpose of preventing hair based discrimination and to make him seem like a more serious candidate for President. How can anybody take Cory "Spartacus" Booker seriously when he thinks such a thing is worthy of the government's time and attention. What a boob!

ringgo1 said...

@Alfonso Bedoya: Just great! Whatapoet!

Alfonso Bedoya said...

@ringgo1: Thanks. I received it just a couple of days ago from an old friend.

Geoff King said...

Totally off topic, but with the new technology, what is now the PC definition of video recording an event? If you say "I'm filming you", or "I'm taping you", that is technologically incorrect.
Should we now say "I am digitally recording you", or simply "You are being recorded"?

Geoff King said...

P.S. My question has absolutely nothing to do with the cop that pulled me over for not wearing a seatbelt and proceeded to tell me that his bodycam was taping me, and when I asked where his portable VCR was located, he seemed to have more of a problem with me.

Anonymous said...

Good to see Cory Booger is taking care of the important issues that America faces. What would we ever do without him? And considering who contrived this nonsense, it should be called the CLOWN Act.

Old 1811 said...

Naturally I meant, "Will the CROWN Act outlaw hairnet requirements . . .", not "make it illegal to outlaw . . . "
I blame Trump, and I think his abusive mind control should be added to the impeachment charges. Nancy, are you listening?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@jpb252- Hey, he's got the look!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Technically, Booker is a goon every day.

@Jason Anyone- I can't tell you how pleased I was when I learned about the "Crown" bill. Such lovely comic symmetry!

@Jim G.- Isn't that who the Swedes were fighting in WWII?

@Geoff King- Booker's hair was so "discriminating" that it refused to stay on his head.

@Bobo the Hobo- I hate to even be mentioning the "impeachment." On Wednesday, the four legal experts were asked if any of them was aware of a single material fact in the Schiff report...and none of them responded. That should have been the end of the whole damn charade.

@Rod- I have good friends and people whom I respect who believe everything bad about Trump. It's almost hard to blame them when 96% of media coverage of Trump is negative (and, oh yeah, misrepresentations and lies). And you're right that this is an important time for us to be strong - if the Democrats pull this off, no future election will mean diddly-squat. As far as not giving the Left anymore ammo, we can wish - but we all know that Trump will give them plenty more. He is what he is, and I still think that (God help us) he's the only man for the job in these insane times.

@Fish Out of Water- Excellent summation of this infuriating situation. I don't believe I've ever loathed the Left as much as I do now.

@Fred Ciampi- I'm not USMC, but I think I get it anyway.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Oil's well that ends well. Am I right?

@Fred Ciampi- I guess it's like "Axe" for non-Millenials.

@Shelly- Oh, how I'd love for this to bite Nancy in her withered ass! And it's no secret that I've never been a Trump fan, but I do believe he loves America, while those on the Left don't even like it. So Trump has my vote next time around, warts and all.

@Snark- Well played!

@Alej- I share your worries. If my vote can be cancelled out by a single falsified ballot, then I damn well feel disenfranchised!

@Old 1811- I was wondering about that too. When someone's dreadlocks get caught in heavy machinery, who's going to be to blame? (Spoiler alert: white people)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@American Cowboy- On the cusp of Pearl Harbor Day (as I write this), you make a wonderful and sobering point. This sleazy coup attempt is not what any American service person fought or died for. These bastards have no shame.

@TrickyRicky- It drives me INSANE that seemingly rational people can talk about Trump being a bully and racist, and cite (albeit with zero specificity) all of the violent acts of the rampaging MAGA Nazis. It's all such horseshit.

@Alfonso Bedoya- I'm man enough to admit that the poem you shared brought a tear to my eye.

@Pat Cummings- The irony of Cory Booker having an opinion about hair wasn't lost on me.

@John the Econ- I would bet good money that Booker and his minions spent more time trying to come up with a cute ass acronym than they did on structuring the actual bill. You're right that it marks a complete lack of seriousness (admittedly, not a shocker).

Your other points are well made. I only wish I was confident that the Dems' lack of evidence (or even a frigging crime) would assure a just outcome. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

@udaman- I'm guessing that this stupid bill was Booker's attempt to take the black vote away from Biden. It's an insane world...

@Geoff King- I've wondered about that myself. I still use "filming," even though it's archaic. I guess you could also say "I'm shooting you," but that could turn ugly quickly.

@Anonymous- The CLOWN Act? Brilliant!

@Old 1811- I'm pretty sure that Nancy is safe from mind control, for reasons too obvious to mention. (grin)

Pat Cummings said...

@Geoff King: I might say "My smartphone video is turned on..." or "My GoPro is live, and pointed at this interaction..." For the cop, it might have been more accurate for him to say, "My bodycam is recording us."

Although I should note that quibbling over semantics and word choices with an officer who is getting ready to cite you is not the wisest option.

NVRick said...

For those of us who are declining to watch the Schiff and Jerry show, fear not.
Al Green was on tv declaring that they have no problem impeaching the president more than once.
Like Cher's "goodbye tours", this too may never end.
And I liked Al Green better when he was just a singer.

Shelly said...

@NVRick, I liked him better when he was a caveman.

Pat Cummings said...

Aha, @NVRick! But will he put it on paper? Or will he simply state again that a change is gonna come? What a wonderful thing! I'm sure everything's gonna be alright...

Maybe he's tired of being alone, and is planning to step into the Democratic Presidential race. People get ready; here I am! You ought to be with me!

We all know his opinion of Trump: My problem is you. So he says, if we need to impeach again until we get it right, well, tomorrow is another day. Let's stay together... After all, we've got until next November.

Funny how time slips away...

Pat Cummings said...

In case you all missed it: Michael Ramirez on rise in London stabbing crimes: