Monday, December 21, 2020

No Escape Claus

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A Christmas crisis has been averted thanks to Dr. Anthony Fauci, who bravely flew all the way to the North Pole to personally vaccinate Santa Claus after having the jolly old elf sign a few liability forms waiving legal recourse if things went sideways.

Fauci disclosed this exciting adventure during a special CNN/Sesame Street town hall broadcast meant to reassure the nation's children that Santa would not be a superspreader on Christmas Eve, sliding down chimneys and coughing on everything while dropping off presents which might as well be labeled "you'll be dead by New Year's."

CNN clearly picked the right man for the broadcast, as Dr. Fauci has a lot of experience spinning fantastic tales and trying to pass them off as true. Who can forget his whimsical assertion that surgical masks are dangerous for the general public? Or that China was "transparent" and a big, big help in fighting Covid-19? 

Other wink-wink-nudge-nudge storytime favorites from the Fauci canon include his assertion that Hydroxychloroquine is ineffective in the early-stage treatment of the virus, and is super-duper dangerous besides. And that SARS-CoV-2 just popped up naturally and didn't come from Satan's workshop in Wuhan, China. Or his imaginative fable that the hastily approved (and wildly profitable) drug Remdesivir does any damn thing at all! 

As always, Fauci's fables are designed to make himself the hero of the story. Of course, if he just told kids that "Santa doesn't get sick like people do," he wouldn't have been able to talk about his trip to the North Pole...and the magic horse he rode in on.

typhoid mary christmas, copyright, stilton jarlsberg
Okay, he gets style points for his 2020 Christmas card

While details are still a bit sketchy, it would appear that pretty much every U.S. government computer system has been hacked and compromised, that Russia is likely behind it, and the beads of sweat on the brows of spokespeople with rictus-like grins suggest that we haven't heard the worst of it yet. 

Fortunately, Joe Biden clearly has what it takes to wage digital war on Russia and put an end to their malarkey and shenanigans because he was assigned that task back in 2016 and made sure the Russians would never pull that crap again. Well, nearly sure.

Okay, his effort didn't work at all. And this trip down memory lane may explain why...


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The Obama administration has accused Russia of hacking the email accounts of Hillary Clinton, her campaign manager, and Democrats in general and giving the information to Wikileaks in order to criminally influence our sacred national election by revealing the truth about how despicable everyone on the left is.

Hope n' Change isn't buying the whole "Russian plot" scenario for several reasons: it's of no obvious benefit to Putin, the theory is being advanced by congenital liars who are in full fanny-covering modeand so far zero evidence of Russian involvement has been offered. 

But that hasn't stopped Joe Biden (apparently taking time off from his extra-special presidential "moonshot" assignment to cure cancer) from declaring that the U.S. is about to engage in a full-blown cyberattack on Russia. Although the odds of our pulling off a sneak cyber attack just got a helluva lot worse thanks to the motor-mouthed veep.


Rod said...

Didn't Pelosi say "It has to get worse before it can get better." No? Well; it was something like that.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Then there’s always the lovely Governor Whitmer who presented Michigan tots with a frosted dog turd by way of hiring Santa to explain how everyone should celebrate Lockdown Christmas this year and how children should have visions of hand sanitizer dancing in their heads.

Ah yes, a dream is a wish your heart makes and Governor Grinch dreams of an endless, relentless lockdown. Nice going, Michigan! Maybe next election y’all can lighten up and tag-team Uncle Adolph.

Pete (Detroit) said...

@ Bobo, the other day she was expressing frustration that "people who are following the protocols are dying (long time Wayne Cty Sherriff Benny Napoleon, specifically) and nothing happens to those who flaunt them."
Which, would stongly suggest, to anyone with a whit of sense or logic, that your 'protocols' are stupid, and worthless!!!

I have GOT to believe that despite Rs running an amazingly bad candidate, 2018 was a test run of Dominion vote shaving...

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Here's hoping everyone finds nice new...hammers! And lots of nails!...under their Christmas tree.

Because our Republic is in sore need of repair.

Merry Yaksmas to all!

FlyBoy said...

I remember back in 2016 that Barry said we were safe from any shenanigans from Putin, as Obammy told him to “ knock it off!”

THAT really put the fear of God into Putin.

Our adversaries overseas have to be laughing their collective asses off at the prospect of ole Creepy Joe becoming prezdent. Waiting in the wings is Kamel-toe Harris, who quite literally slept her way to to top.

V.P. Dick Cheney put it very well when he stated that “Our friends no longer respect us, our enemies no longer fear us.”

With the coming disaster that’s gonna be the Biden administration, why would our allies and foes do either?

rickn8or said...

Bobo, regarding "The lovely Governor Whitmer" I offer this:

"Insanity" is defined as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

"Psychosis" is defined as "doing the same thing over and over again, ONLY HARDER and demanding different results."

Merry Whatever-You-Celebrate (Except Kwanzaa, because f-k Kwanzaa) and a Happier New Year to all the posters here.

Navyvet said...

The DNC is saying that some six year old in Russia hacked Slithery's email?? Maybe if her pass word wasn't "killsethrich" it would have been a bit more secure.

TrickyRicky said...

Fauci and Bite-me, morons of a feather flock together.

John the Econ said...

Now there's a thought: If there is this predicted surge of post-Christmas Wuhan Flu cases after Christmas, are the rabid socialists going to blame it on Santa Claus, and subsequently demand that Christmas be banned and replaced with some sort of Marxist-compliant holiday? Maybe one where magical agents of the woke state break into your house on the eve of December 25th to steal your stuff instead of leaving presents.

Sorry. It's Monday and I think I'm passing a kidney stone.

Epic Russian Hack: Quite frankly, I'm rather surprised that I haven't seen more scorn directed towards Trump on this. I did see one report where it seemed as though the reporter thought Trump should have rushed down to work in the White House basement writing new code to fix this problem, kinda like when upon hearing about the 9/11 attack, the media was disappointed that GWB didn't jump to his feet from reading stories to schoolchildren to hop in his F-102 to seek out other hijacked airliners.

But seriously, it was just a matter of time before this happened. As an IT professional, for years I have speculated that it would be the update mechanism for trusted software that would be used to infiltrate systems. (Although I always expected that it would be Microsoft that would be compromised) Software today is so massive and complex that it's too easy to hide malware in otherwise trusted code.

I'd argue that AI may be the solution to the problem, but AI is even more massive and complex. And untrustworthy.

American Cowboy said...

Maybe the government should have used Kaspersky Internet Security, instead of relying on software written by the anti-American, leftist "woke" software techs in the U.S.?
Yeah, a bit of sarcasm folks.

DougM said...

'Ticker' is the name of that one reindeer which doesn't pull its weight

Sortahwitte said...

Well, Sioux and I have won the prize in "that damned 'rona" sweepstakes. It's gonna be a rock candy Christmas. We are still in good shape for the shape we are in. The Christmas dinner menu just changed to charcoaled steaks, twice baked potatoes, and hearts of romaine salad. With no kids or grandkids present. No tears. We're still changing oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Dr faucie is that hidden cat turd when you scoop up a handful of snow to make a snowball.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Sortahwitte - with the folks gone (Mom on Halloween, Dad last Mon) local family is scattering to 4 corners. (ok, two corners). I'm planning on Thai take out (no in house dining, thanks Gov) hopefully with company, but ok if not..
Gonna be like living in Tx again, on my own..

JustaJeepGuy said...

I thought I read or heard that the US computer system(s) weren't actually "hacked", but that some booger-eatin' moron somehow let his super-secret password out. If you have the password, you don't "hack" anything. If you're so stupid as to let the password out, you need to be imprisoned forever or something.

Infidel1 said...

Come to think of it, a fat guy riding in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and delivering presents all over the world in one night is still more believable than anything Dr. Falsly says.