Friday, June 30, 2023

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Departed

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According to news reports, "presumed human remains" from the imploded Titan submersible have been brought to the surface, where they will presumably be examined by people who are expert in unwinding jelly rolls.

This made me wonder if there's actually an exclusive travel agency for billionaires that helps arrange idiotic, life-threatening adventures that allow the wealthy to die in spectacular ways that envious paupers just can't afford. How about volcano surfing on allegedly heat-resistant surfboards? A grizzly bear tickling trek? Year-round inside-and-out tanning opportunities at the Chernobyl reactor? Or maybe hang-gliding into an F5 tornado would be a fun way to drop a few hundred thousand dollars and perhaps visit the land of Oz.

These are apparently the deadly perils of having too much money. Perils that you and I are safe from thanks to Bidenomics.


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It's an old cartoon but once again timely, thanks to the news that Adam Schiff has recently been "censured" for being a lying load of excrement who has cost our country millions of dollars, done irreparable damage, and was instrumental in a successful presidential coup. Still, all of that has been made right thanks to the hard justice of "censure," right? A punishment so severe that there are no repercussions whatsoever and Schiff has declared it to be a "badge of honor."

Which makes me think that we're overdue to update the nature of censure. As a purely rhetorical example, after reviewing Schiff's misdeeds a jury of his peers might declare, "we've arrived at a unanimous decision and censure ass to a firing squad."


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It has recently been discovered that the smoke choking many American cities is not, after all, coming from Canadian wildfires but is in fact just the residual off-gassing from all of the smoking gun evidence of Biden family corruption that the FBI and DOJ are trying to contain.

Still, the occasional Biden story manages to find its way to the press, including the recent item that Hunter Biden has successfully slashed the child support payments going to the daughter he had with a stripper, and the child will only get that money on the condition that she not take the name "Biden."

Hunter was able to cut his payments (from $20,000 to $5,000) based on his claims of financial hardship. Mind you, this is a guy who snorts Kool-aid powder, blows his nose on a canvas, and sells the result for $250,000 to foreign "art collectors" who have no interest whatsoever in influencing Joe Biden's policies. 

Still, I'm rather glad that his little girl won't be burdened with the name "Biden" going forward.  It's tough enough to be the daughter of a stripper without also being labeled as a descendant of a family of political whores.


Dave said...

That last sentence, tho... 😉

Anonymous said...


Dan said...

I didn't realize that anyone but the mother had a say as to what went on a birth certificate.

Bones said...

Uncle Stilt,I resemble your remark about squillionaires paying large sums to DIE in OZ.We are very fortunate here in OZ on the other side of the Pacific,we can die here from a large number of gruesome causes for next to nothing down and no repayments.You win on having the biggest scumbags in politics though,but I would have to say we here are catching up quickly.Our fearless leader wants to hand over control of OZ to the original people.I can't think of a reason against this,OH hang on maybe South Africa.

Dan-In-Pa said...

And there's always Virgin Galactic.

Brie Camembert said...

No doubt when all the evidence comes out in the Biden Crime Syndicate investigation, ol' Joe will get a black mark in his exercise book, and that will be it. "C'mon man".

Welcome to the People's Democratic Republic folks!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I wonder how Shiff-for-brains, the BCF, the CCF, the OCF and the rest of those blots on the human race would like to tour the Titanic wreck? I hear shipping containers are dead cheap these days...

Jay Dee said...

Wait and see what they find in the submarine wreckage. For all we know, it fish droppings.

Since the child cannot use the name Biden, one might suggest using "Notthebiden".

Anonymous said...

Stilton......all current news about the Biden family and ALL left wing politics are soooo outrageous and completely mind numbing that the result is : Stop watching and listening and become disconnected.......hummm? Apathy reigns!
Mission accomplished!

Wayne In Indiana

rickn8or said...

This whole thing with Hunter Biden has been very educational; I never knew there was such a thing as "Misdemeanor Tax Evasion"; not that use peasants will ever be charged with such a thing.

TrickyRicky said...

Censure ass to a firing squad....Ha Ha Ha, hell I needed a new keyboard anyway. Classic stuff today Stilton.

Regarding the billionaire adventurers, I marvel that people who don't know a bowline from a half-hitch or an ice axe from their crampons pay upwards of $100k to get dragged up Mt. Everest. Clueless lazy bastards with way too much expendable cash.

Fish Out of Water said...

And yet in spite of all that has been disclosed about Joe le Petomane's dealings and his utter failure as President, there'll still be many (hopefully not all that many) who will vote for him next year.

Garet said...

When we built Pine Haven Farms (after I retired after 30 year's Service), I knew that something wicked this way comes. I had thought: Nuclear War. Insurrection. The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man. Depression. I never thought that The Destructors would be so bloody Mundane.

Mike Porter said...

I saw a horrible meme the other day with a picture of an ocean and the words: "Billionaires Are Good People... Deep Down". And the laughter was spontaneous, involuntary you might say. Does that make me a bad person?

I think of Adam Schiff getting skinned alive and rolled in salt, then set out in the sun to die slowly and painfully... and it makes me smile. Does that make me a bad person?

I see the Bidens at a great family reunion, gathered in a mansion built unknowingly upon a long metastasizing sinkhole, which finally gives way when the last corrupt asshole steps through the door. Does that make me a bad person?

So many questions.

Fred Ciampi said...

We can only hope that the gubbermints of the deep will require any and all deep submersibles (at least the ones carrying people) to be certified by a qualified engineering board. I could go on but my coffee's getting cold.

Joe Drypowda said...

I'm from da gubermint and I'm here......................

John the Econ said...

Ri$ky Behavior: I think one of the characteristics of the class of people who can afford $250,000 recreational excursions is a willingness to take risks. That's usually how billionaires become billionaires, after all. But one of the problems of being a billionaire is the risk of being surrounded by yes-people who will affirm any idea, good or bad, that the billionaire is considering. Without either a certain amount of technical knowledge or having technically savvy people in your circle makes these sort of accidents more likely.

You'd think that people who could afford a $250,000 excursion to the Titanic could also afford to do a bit of due diligence. As news continues to pour out, it looks as though there were plenty of warning signs for anyone looking for them. The owner clearly had a case of irrational exuberance regarding the safety of his sub, even after being warned multiple times that there were problems with the design, and even signs of an impending failure on previous dives. Also, the systems on this sub, from communications to control appear to have been far less than reliable on previous dives. Of course, this is all Monday morning quarterbacking now, but anyone familiar with the extreme and unforgiving environment of deep sea diving would have taken pause with any one of these issues, much less everything that had been problematic up until the final dive.

But ask yourself this: Would you want to live in a world where billionaires were prevented from taking such risks? I wouldn't. Where would we be today if some government agency had been around to tell the Wright Brothers that their contraption was a death trap and to cut it out?

Meanwhile, have you noticed how many people have died climbing Mount Everest this year?

Oh, wait, never mind. Those Everest climbers weren't killed by irrational exuberance. They were killed by climate change. So it was our fault, not theirs. Shame on you and your SUV for killing those rich people.

Schiff: After his censure, the Democrats in the chamber chanted "Shame!". But not at Schiff, or themselves.

Hunter: Imagine if one of the Trump kids were to take a private jet to a court hearing to plead poverty over child support payments. And if I was a parent, I'd want my daughter to be as far away from the name "Biden" as possible. I'd consider being the kid of a stripper as being of a much more honorable lineage.

Speaking of: Turns out that Hunter was writing off his hookers, blow and strip club visits on his taxes. You'd think that would be the sort of thing that his dad said he had in mind with the umpteen-billion more dollars allocated to the IRS. Ha! fooled you. They're more interested in your Paypal and Venmo accounts that the sort of stuff the IRS turns a blind eye to regarding Democrats.

Gonzo'57 said...

Bidenomics: Yet another way for the government to protect me from myself. I'm so glad the government cares about me. I'd go for a motorcycle ride today except the government says I MUST wear a helmet and it's 95 degrees today. I'm challenged enough without hard boiling my brain.

Anonymous said...

Schiff's not the only the only needs to be "censured". I get a sense that if things in this county keep going the way there are we are going to witness a great "censuring". "The Great Censuring" - How's that for a chapter in future history books.

Jess said...

Your last paragraph reminds me of a bumper sticker found around the state of Texas years ago:

"Please don't tell my mama I work in the oilfields. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse."

I still can't fathom why anyone would want to acquire the Biden family name. It's like having the last name Hitler.

Anonymous said...

There’s a traditional legal precedent: FitzBiden.
Sounds sort-of classy … like FitzGerald, doesn’t it?

rickn8or said...

Anonymous 12:04

Sort of like the two gay Irishmen: Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

DougM said...

Kid: The settlement was $5000/mo and I won't be called a Biden.
Me: That's not very much.
Kid: It's all I could afford.

(a la Woody Allen, What's New Pussycat)

JustaJeepGuy said...

It seems that there are far too many people running around who have too many dollars and not enough sense. Stockton Rush should have enticed Adam Schiff into a trip to a shipwreck.

Murphy(AZ) said...

So they brought up some of the remains of the ill-fated "submarine" and folks are speculating that there might be human remains on board.

Smash an ant as hard as you can with a sledgehammer. That's about how much "remains" they might find on the pieces. What a cosmic waste of time.

John25mm said...

Fish out of water you insult the LePetomane name by putting the name Joe in front of it. At least he could "walk the parapets" unaided.

As to the Bidens I keep hearing all these commercials for a tax reduction if you are behind on your taxes. I don't know which one he used but damned if they didn't do a good job.

One other thing that I'm questioning is why aren't the envirowienies complaining about all those people on the sub and how much money they spent to do this instead of using it to "help" save the (insert cause here). Damn near any other group of people and they would be losing their minds over this.

mamafrog said...

And you would think with all the money that the family has squirreled away HB would have better teeth. I hope the little girl is better off now, poor baby.

So why wasn't Nancy Pee ever sanctioned for pecadillos and behavior? I guess everyone is scared of the mob boss' kid. At least she can't protect the other little shit stain weasel any longer.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dave- Too subtle...?

@Anonymous- Thanks!

@Dan- I'm not sure how that works. Just because a woman SAYS a guy is the father doesn't necessarily make it true. Although in this case, after Hunter denied it, a DNA test proved him to be the lying father. This being the case, I'm not sure what's to prevent the little girl from using the name Biden legally. Well, outside of her father being a lawyered-up asshole.

@Bones- Of course, I didn't mean the OZ where pretty much all of the flora and fauna want to kill you. I meant the OZ where you just have to look out for witches, flying monkeys, and grumpy apple trees.

@Dan-In-Pa- Yeah, that strikes me as a questionable joyride, too.

@Brie Camembert- We're clearly living in a post-justice society now. The Big Bad Guys get away with everything every time. We peons can rail against it, but there doesn't appear to be a damned thing we can do about it. Don't even start me on the pointlessness of elections these days...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I think you're on to a great idea there. Bonus: pull the shipping containers back up in a few weeks and we can all feast on the crabs!

@Jay Dee- I'm assuming that fish droppings would be lumpier. And I like your suggestion for Hunter's daughter, although she might also consider the last name "Hairsniffingtraitor." Which sounds vaguely German.

@Wayne in Indiana- Trust me, I'm paying as little attention as possible. I'm still fighting to achieve a decent mood most days and these nimrods aren't helping.

@rickn8or- According to the Internet ("Always On, Never Wrong") there really IS such a thing as Misdemeanor Tax Evasion if the amount is under $10,000. And you can be fined $500. Which makes me think that a lot of us may have just found a good $9500 tax break...

@TrickyRicky- I don't mean to brag, but I recently scaled Mount Everest myself. Wearing Quest VR goggles that gave me a great view and allowed me to make the whole dangerous ascent sitting in my La-Z-Boy. A great budget stretcher and life saver!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fish Out of Water- Biden is a disaster, but that's not what the "news" outlets report or what the (ahem) "intelligence" agencies shove down our throats. The lying bastards. So yes, if Biden can still fog a mirror with his breath come Election Day, I think he's in.

@Garet- I agree. Here I was looking for apocalypse and instead we're just being nibbled to death by commies, lunatics, and the power elite.

@Mike Porter- I think it's natural for us to laugh about things like the sub, but I genuinely feel awful for everyone on board except the guy who talked the poor saps into going. The young man who was a billionaire's son was said to be terrified of making the trip, but wanted to do it to show support for his Dad on Father's Day. And that sucks.

Your notion of making Schiff-flavored jerky sounds like a great idea to me. And I think your plan to fill in potentially dangerous sinkholes with Bidens is ecologically sound!

@Fred Ciampi- Rather than spend money on more government bodies to regulate submersibles, howzabout a regulation is passed that all submersibles have to have a picture of the Titan's wreckage printed on their craft and all advertising materials?

@John the Econ- You make a fine point about the nature of risk-takers and how their impulses can lead to big wins...or big losses. And I agree with you that billionaires should be able to gamble with their own lives while potentially advancing science.

Regarding the cluster of Democrats celebrating Schiff's censure as a badge of honor, I found the spectacle sickening and unsurprising. And thanks for the link to Hunter's tax shenanigans. I was particularly impressed by him deducting $10,000 for membership to a sex club by claiming it was a golf club. If their name was "18 Holes" he might have gotten away with it.

@Gonzo'57- You definitely don't want a hard-boiled brain. Look what it's done to Uncle Joe!

@Anonymous- I like the notion of "The Great Censuring." I think I'll get ahead of the curve and buy stock in tar and feathers.

@Jess- I think the little girl wants to be able to sign "Biden" to the fingerpaintings she does in preschool. That way she can sell them for $250k each since they'll be indistinguishable from her father's artwork.

@Rickn8or- Well, if the shoe or Irishman Fitz...

@DougM- A fine joke! And it reminds me of the zookeepers who were concerned because their female gorilla was so depressed without a mate. There were no other gorillas available and in their desperation they asked Teddy Kennedy to do it for $500. "Okay," he said, "On two conditions. I'll have to write you a check, and if there's a kid it gets raised Catholic."

@JustaJeepGuy- If I thought Schiff would be on that sub, I personally would have chipped in on the $250k for his ticket.

@Murphy(AZ)- I agree about it being a waste of time and money. Leave everything on the ocean's floor instead of having a funeral for a thimble-sized dollop of pulp that is as likely to be a jellyfish as a family member.

@John25mm- The environmentalists are probably happy that this whole fiasco is likely to discourage at least some adventuring by the uber-wealthy.

@mamafrog- Meth can be pretty hard on teeth. And I think (but don't know for a fact) that the picture in the dentist's chair shows Hunter after having his messed-up teeth ground down to pegs so dentures can be attached.

rickn8or said...

Who here would believe Hunter Biden would go to such risks for a measly 10 grand?
Unless of course, he did several hundred "10 grands"...

Igor the Obscure said...

Funny as usual Mr. Stilt. Keep up the good work.

I read some of the background of His Fraudulancy's unacknowledged grand daughter and I think it's a part of the Biden crime family's effort to discredit her mother by calling her a "stripper". The articles I've read identified her as an employee of Hunter's.