Friday, June 12, 2020

Book 'Em

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, goodnight moon, busty ross

As Old Lodge Skins famously said in the film Little Big Man - "Sometimes the magic works. Sometimes it doesn't." Today was a "sometimes it doesn't" for us.

We tried mightily to come up with a worthwhile post and some pithy wit, but found our muse uncooperative. As muses are wont to be when the feces hits the fan.

People are losing their careers for not kneeling before the New Taliban, movies and television shows are being pulled from public view, Amazon and Google have announced plans to cut off certain forms of technological support for the police, a significant chunk of Seattle has been commandeered by armed radicals who are getting no pushback from hamstrung law enforcement agencies, the stock market plunged (after first enthusiastically running off a vertiginous cliff, stopping in mid-air, briefly turning into a cartoon "sucker," then plummeting), and people are waking up to the fact that the coronavirus didn't actually disappear just because there was a bigger story in the news. Yow!

And so we struggled to find something to say. Thinking about the way police officers are now being demonized, we thought about the children's books of our youth which always depicted the police in a positive light...

We looked for other old police-themed titles which might lend themselves to a comedic updating, but came up dry. Not that we weren't pleased to discover this classic...

But still thinking of old children's books as a good contrast between the innocence we once enjoyed and the current destruction of our culture, we thought about "Goodnight Moon," and thought maybe we could write a parody along the lines of "Goodnight freedom, capitalism, and western civilization."

Hmm. Not really good, but maybe if we diddled around with a cover for awhile, something would come to us (spoiler alert: it didn't)...

You can kill an impressive amount of time trying to find the right font, find burning buildings to put outside, and creating a broken window effect. And in the was "meh," and we still didn't have any ideas. How in the heck could we even use this piece of art we'd labored over?

That's when Busty Ross helpfully said, "Send me in coach!" And it seemed like a good idea, because no matter how lame a blog post we make, people are wonderfully forgiving if Ms. Ross has paid a visit. Which is how today's cartoon came to be, and why the weekend has arrived for us in just the nick of time.


Mike aka Proof said...

Okay. Who's going to be the first to make an "Invisible Dick" joke?

Sam said...

Great save!

Jee said...

Impressive smashed window. I have feelings of nostalgia and sadness looking at those children’s book covers.

j said...

Like you, good Sir, I have simply become exhausted from a steady overdose oif media=spread shyte for the last couple of days. Granted, I DO hope for a bit of amusement in the style of Dr. Sigmund Schadenfreude when I see the communist cretins in Washington State start to cannibalize one another after their efforts to create a Brave New Thirdworld Shithole runs out of food, electricity, water, medical supplies and dope. But beyond that, and watching various senile tuchuslechten 'kneeling cause we be white" political whores struggling to get back up off their knees, I am too tired of it all to even care. But I wish you and yours a gracious good night, and may your dreams be sweet. And dry.

pkerot said...

All is forgiven when we see Busty Ross!

Fish Out of Water said...

As per the comment above, rest easy in the knowledge these collectivist, prog idiots( but then I've just repeated myself) , will overreach and the pendulum will swing back.

While it's probably a stretch to think the democrats are directly behind all of this (but they have laid the groundwork), I can see them using this as a weapon to show Trump is incapable of handling a crisis and that like the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains Ga, incoherent Joe will bring peace. Light and unicorns if elected.

Bobo the Hobo said...

We have an old-fashioned stationery store in my city where one can purchase personalized letterhead and lovely thank you notecards. I recently checked to see if they survived the recent economic storm and thought I would patronize their store but then it I thought how ridiculous when it seems like we’re all being held hostage in the dark web.

Society’s crassness and dullness of thought deters any hope of returning to a more decent way of living. The Left’s everlasting umbrage at the slightest sign of “disrespect” is arduous and their demanding we accept our white guilt, trans-rights, drag queen story time, “you do you”, etc precludes any moral guideposts and we are slowly sinking into the fetid swamp we so mightily tried to drain.

Today’s current events tell me it’s going to be a long summer.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Busty makes everything better. Along with Clan MacGregor.

Fish Out of Water said...

Speaking of acquiescing to the new Taliban, on I 81 in the Commonwealth of Virginia, stands on private property, a very large Confederate flag which has vexed many, including the county in which it sits. Have always wondered why that county hasn't, or this time, will not try to use eminent domain to seize the property and then remove the flag.

taminator013 said...

Here is a wonderful translation of a Deputy Dan coloring book that was written in Spanish.....

Fritzchen said...

Busty or bust!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Invisible Dick? Me after a cold shower? What?

Rod said...

The laugh of-the-day and improbable-now book title kind of stuck a chord with me. Wondering if I had seen that book long ago, I looked it up. I guess most kids sometimes dream of being invisible; and it was published a lot earlier in 1926. Nearly 30 years before my reading got going. So while it was still possible; it's doubtful. Seems like it was part of a Topham series.

And Stilt: The larger images might have been for more modern subject matter, like Miss Ross.
No matter; everyone has off-days.

MAJMike said...

Hang in there. That single malt isn't gonna drink itself.

TrickyRicky said...

The cultural destruction, so very faithful to the methods employed by the Taliban and ISIS, by Mao and Pol Pot, has accelerated so much more quickly than I imagined possible. 2020 will likely be the fulcrum for our society, and by extension, for western civilization. We can teeter and slide back to freedom and prosperity or we can slide into anarchy and servitude. Should be interesting.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

The "New Taliban...." Wish I had come up with that moniker. Fits BLM and/or Antifa perfectly. Just saw that Tucker Carlson was labeled a "racist" for having been telling the truth about BLM, resulting in some of his largest sponsors on FOX pulling the plug. Carlson must be PUNISHED!

I had always thought that Disney and T-Mobile employed CEOs who were girlie-boyz, and their current actions have proven my suspicions. They could have critized burning and looting, but apparently, free speech has been threatened by such anti-American anarchist organizations such as BLM and Antifa. As usual, the MSM will do anything to avoid criticizing the insanity that is and has been taking place. Their silence is abhorrent. We no longer have dialogue in our country; we have BULLYING.

Anonymous said...

I vote we give Busty Ross her own blog--24/7/366 of Busty Ross. I'll even volunteer to take the photos!

Snark said...

Consider that all this fustercluck was ignited by a local cop killing a local brother. Then 1500 miles away after international protests, international terrorists have occupied six square blocks of a formerly major US city. This being piled on after an international pandemic propagated by a communist regime shortly after the revelation of a major intelligence/DOJ/FBI conspiracy against the duly elected President. Now ask yourself: What Would Hillary Do? Enjoy a stiff libation while pondering this.

Fish Out of Water said...

@Snark: What would the vile, most unsuited, unqualified, most unfit POTUS candidate do? Probably write another preachy, masturbatory book.

@Anonymous: Nah, for monthly grins, I'd like to see a 2021 Fauxahontas calendar.

John the Econ said...

In my youth I wrote well and had a keen interest in journalism. (was a high school paper editor for 2 years) There was no shortage of people who endorsed the notion that being a journalist should have been my career choice. But there was a big reason I never seriously considered it as an option: It's damn hard and stressful being clever on a schedule if your muse has gone AWOL. I did do some of my best work on tight deadlines under stress, but it really wasn't fun when you didn't have any quality ideas to go with. And I didn't enjoy "faking" it, which is what most of the media these days seems like it is doing.

In retrospect I'm glad I didn't become a journalist, especially considering that today "journalist" ranks somewhere between "used car salesman" and "congressman" in the public's esteem.

So I sympathize with you @Stilton. But Goodnight Sanity" isn't bad, and you have something I didn't have 40 years ago, Busty.

And there really isn't a lot of funny in the news this week. IMHO, Trump has blown the certainty of his re-election with his tone-deafness and the help of this Twitter account. Cancel culture has a full head of steam and is plowing through the remaining bits of history we had left. A major American city is becoming a defacto failed state with a genuine warlord now running six blocks. The stock market rally that ended yesterday was never rational, but was really just evidence of inflation from the $2-trillion of printed money that's hit the street since April. And we are no where near being rid of the Wuhan Flu.

If there's any upside to any of this, it's that the silent majority is getting a good look at the inevitable insanity of Progressivism. Most of the problems the left are complaining about are taking place in locations where Progressives have been in total control for generations. Most people still think that abolishing the police is absurd. Nobody is questioning the 2nd Amendment today. Most people would still prefer living in 2019 to living in 2009. They want their America back.

One last thought: Has anyone else noticed that the first thing those ultra-left loonies in Seattle did with their "autonomous zone" is to erect a wall and control who could come in?

Bobo the Hobo said...

Has anyone else noticed that the first thing those ultra-left loonies in Seattle did with their "autonomous zone" is to erect a wall and control who could come in?. And then they ran out of food on Day Two. LMAO

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- I'll rise to that challenge (so to speak). Superman was flying through the skies when he looked down and saw Wonder Woman, naked, lying on her back with her legs spread. He zoomed down and took advantage of the situation at lightning speed then flew away. "What was that?!" gasped Wonder Woman. "I don't know," replied the Invisible Man, "But my ass is KILLING me!"

@Sam- You're too kind.

@Jee- I really relate to old children's book covers. They now not only seem to come from a different time but a different planet. And it saddens me to think of the hateful crap being forced into the heads of little children these days.

@j- We're on the same page. I feel like my senses are overloaded with bad news. And my better angels, also pooped, aren't speaking up when I enjoy news of a protester getting his head bashed in by a falling statue, or a molotov cocktail-thrower covering himself with burning gasoline. As far as people kneeling because of their white guilt, I'm guessing that maybe they know their own bigotry well enough to deserve white guilt. The rest of us can (and must) remain standing.

@pkerot- In football terms, she's my "Hail Mary" pass.

@Fish Out of Water- I'm not as confident as I'd like to be that the pendulum will swing back. And there's no question that the Democrats and their media are ginning up social chaos to get Trump out of office in November. If the country falls because of it, they won't mind: it's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.

@Bobo the Hobo- I would truly, deeply, like to give you a more optimistic reading of current events. But the best I can do is remind you that shots of Clan MacGregor are 2-for-1 during happy hour.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Bottoms up! (I'll let you decide which I'm talking about)

@Fish Out of Water- I believe that flag flies over the last video store in America where you can still rent episodes of "Dukes of Hazzard."

@taminator013- It's been years (maybe decades?) since I heard the Firesign Theater's rendition of "Deputy Dan Has No Friends." Thank you for bringing it to my attention again - I needed that!

@Fritzchen- That could easily be the best campaign slogan of 2020.

@Emmentaler Limburger- "Women knows about shrinkage, right? Right...?"

@Rod- I wouldn't be surprised if "Invisible Dick" isn't actually an entertaining read. Or a "Ripping Yarn" in the parlance of Terry Jones and Michael Palin. And I agree that Ms. Ross was way too tiny by the time I wedged her into that cartoon panel.

@MAJMike- They also serve, who pour their own drinks!

John the Econ said...

@Bobo the Hobo, they're also now deporting "undesirables" who are caught recording anything that the new order finds embarrassing.

And yes, the "autonomous zone" doesn't appear to be very autonomous.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@TrickyRicky- I echo your thoughts. Every day I look at the news and think, "Well NOW we're fulcrumed."

@Alfonso Bedoya- Sponsors or not, if FOX NEWS drops Tucker Carlson (and in fairness, I've heard no rumors of such) I'm done with them. As for gutless sponsors like Disney, we can take some small satisfaction from the fact that Disney has taken a major beating thanks to coronavirus. And I don't expect that to change anytime soon.

@Anonymous- For a time, I intended to give Busty Ross her own blog, but between this blog, Johnny Optimism, and trying to earn a living I just didn't have the time or energy.

@Snark- If Hillary was President right now, she'd be trying to figure out who she needs to have killed to clear up these problems.

@Fish Out of Water- A Fauxcahontas calendar?! That's terrifying and enticing at the same time.

@John the Econ- Journalism's loss is our gain, thanks to your comments here. And you're entirely right that deadlines and lack of inspiration are a bad combination. I learned to write under pressure working at a radio station for years. For one thing, it helped me live the truth that "the perfect is the enemy of the good." I didn't have time for "perfect" but could at least set my own bar for what was "good enough" so shot for high standards. I never considered journalism as a career, though - I'm essentially an entertainer, albeit a pissed-off one these days.

And while the news doesn't have to be funny for me to write something funny about it, I need to have enough hope that the issues I'm commenting on can be rectified. I just wasn't feeling that yesterday, and while faking it can kinda sorta work, it's a laborious slog for both me and, I'm sure, readers.

By the way, a fine summary and analysis of the current bleak events. You really need a byline.

@Bobo the Hobo & John the Econ- Regarding Antifa/BLM's new "country within a country," I'd like to see the government - federal, if necessary - give a timeline for civilians to flee the area. After that, cut off all utilities and give whoever is left a very limited time to surrender and come out with hands on their heads. The final step is to go in with full force (those red plastic barriers probably won't slow down tanks very much), search door to door, and meet gunfire with superior gunfire.

Colby Muenster said...

Not to worry Stilton. Your creativity on a bad day makes my best day creativity look like doo doo. I will admit, however, at first, I couldn’t figure out what this “book thing” you were referring to was. When you actually publish that children’s book, make sure any people in the book represent all races, genders, and sexual preferences (except white and straight) as to not offend anybody (but white straight people… who, in retrospect, don’t matter).

@Fish out of water,
I’ve driven by that flag a few times. I am not one to get on a soapbox about the confederate battle flag, but it does make me smile to imagine all the moonbat heads exploding when they drive by it. I’m actually not sure how it became a symbol of racism, but I’m from the south and understand that the “War of Northern Aggression” was more about freedom from a federal government overstepping their authority that it was about slavery. On a related topic, NASCAR has banned the stars and bars from their races. I’m not a big NASCAR fan, but I think they probably really screwed the pooch this time Ya gotta know your audience and fan base, right?

Autonomous zone… Trespassed on other people’s property, vandalized other people’s property, stole other people’s stuff to build a barrier, have no food supply, apparently appointed that one guy to be their “police force” ‘cause he’s one of three moonbats in the whole country who has a gun (most likely also stolen). Lord only knows where they are crapping, peeing, having sex, and showering. This is not going to end well for them, and I hope Trump sends in about 2,000 Marines to swiftly take care of it. Trump could actually have the Mayor and city council all arrested by the FBI for inciting violence, and should.

Stinking Bishop said...

Stilton, if it makes you feel better, I laughed heartily at the cartoon.

REM1875 said...

All his just because "she did not win" ............ Of course if she did win the damage to the nation would make this look minuscule in comparison .....

REM1875 said...

" I never considered journalism as a career, though - I'm essentially an entertainer"

Sadly most of our current crap of urinalist believe it is their job to be entertainers, and super stars at that ..... Diva's of the old entertainment business are actually outraged by the selfishness, self centrism of the media and even they get the fact that there are limits. Outrageous is just the start for today's new media.

John the Econ reminding us of statement about urinalist, congresscriters and used car salesmen seems to be from some self serving media type hoping to raise their image far above what their real world view of their value actually is.

MAX Redline said...

"last video store":

Remember when Blockbuster was seemingly everywhere? At one time, in the Portland suburb of Beaverton, two of their stores were literally across the street from one another. Now, there's only one left - in Bend, Oregon.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Can you imagine how kids in 2035 are going to react when they see there’s a different history unit for every week of 2020?

Geoff King said...

So, our President now has to decide whether to bow down to anarchists in Seattle, as the mayor and governor have, or send in the Marines to stop an insurrection on US soil and thereby probably destroy his chances of re-election because "Orange Man Bad".
Hmmmm, let's see.... DJT is a multi-billionaire who is working for free. He appears to really care for the USA, and can retire at any time to a life of luxury.
The question I would ask, if I were a member of Antifa or BLM, is how far can this man with nothing to lose be pushed?

s said...

I think all Federal welfare, etc. should be cut off for the residents of CHAZ. They seceded from the USA and we, the taxpayers, should no longer subsidize them. I suspect there are many who live on the dole in that ragtag bunch.

Geoff King said...

My FaceBook post for today:

So, Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam are now Right Wing Terrorists and must be banned.
What about Wile E. Coyote? He is obviously an anti-nature, bird hating radical. Ban him now before he falls off another cliff with a rocket strapped to his ass! We certainly don't want children to try that at home!
While we are at it, shouldn't we ban Oscar the Grouch for living in a trashcan? Isn't that bigoted against homeless people? And then there's that demon Fred Flintstone who actually expected his wife to cook him dinner after a hard day's work at the gravel quarry. How misogynistic is that?
Don't even get me started on Shaggy and Scooby Doo!

Rastapopoulos said...

Methinks CHAZ could be encouraged to take the entire left coast, including all the Hollywood whiners.

The floor show would be awesome.

Only ground rule is what they take they cannot give back. No returns on stuff like Starbucks or other SJW over-woked organizations.

Cancel all CHAZ member's passports, drivers licenses and other vestiges of the society they now consider horrible.

Needless to say we cannot be paying any sort of social welfare payments to folks who have decided they are non-citizens.

As lay out a very pledge & contract driven method to reintegrate.

Anyone from CHAZ wants back, negotiate hard & patriotically.

Works for me!

DougM said...

Christmas book for fans of Marx:
Good Night Sanity Clause

Fish Out of Water said...

@Colby: As a descendant of one who fought for the South (and died of calculated neglect at a union POW in Elmira, NY) I see the Stars & Bars and its display through different lenses.

There of course those who use it to express their deplorable 'segregation forever!' beliefs and those who use it, and I believe this represents the majority of those who choose to display it, as a loud, in your face middle finger to the federal government we face and blame for which I lay right at the feet of the sainted FDR.

@ Rem1875: What we are sadly witnessing in "journalism" is nothing new in our history. Hearst and his Yellow Press pushed us into a war with Imperial Spain (and in the process made the United States an Imperialist power) . During WW2, when you would have thought there'd be solidarity of voice, newspapers battled it out over Pacific strategy, with certain news organs demanding MacArthur's strategy be given first priority over the Navy's. Cannot cite specific examples, but in the early days of our Republic, newspapers/journalist of the time was viscously partisan.

KanB said...

Is it possible that CHAZ is the tip of the spear of the cabal that wants to goad Trump into "over reacting" so they can selectively film it to further incite greater violence?

Dan said...

The discussion of a Fauxahontas calendar reminded me that she paid part of her way through school acting in Danish music videos. In fact, I think you can see her starting at about :40 in this video:

Fish Out of Water said...

As its Sunday....

A group calling itself Congressional Progressive Caucus Center posted on a job board I follow, a position for a Senior Legislative Affairs Associate within compensation @ 68,000-$73,000 annually.

Folks, around the DC area, that is nothing in terms of compensation unless you are living rent-free with one's parents.

Seems that besides being destructive idiots, "progressives" are cheapskates too.